I want to be a boy, but I don't want to switch genders. What do I do?

Thank you so much for trusting us with your situation. It took courage to tell us about your difficulty.

I’m sorry you feel bad. I’m a gay man, and I’m old. Believe it or not, I have children. My youngest is non-binary. I’m so happy for them. I’m sorry your mom is not supportive. That’s very tough on you.

Do you have friends who will support you? I suggest you rely on supportive people. Spend time with the friends who are supportive.

Give your mom time, and continue to do regular things that you normally do with her. She may surprise you and come to embrace your identity. I think it would be OK to tell her you no longer want to switch gender.

I wish you good luck.

Well. Grow up, move out, then what you do is your decision alone.

I’m certainly not an expert in gender identity, but one thing I feel I can say with confidence is that you should never define yourself based on trying to appeal to other people. Just be true to yourself and don’t feel pressure to assign labels. I suspect you’ll figure this out with time. I hope you can find a supportive community whether online or in your area. Just be cautious of predators looking to manipulate youth in an emotionally vulnerable situation.

First – how old are you? Whatever you’ve been told and whatever you may think, age and understanding are key factors to sorting out choices like this. Even if you believe you’re too young to see a therapist, you can still speak to your guidance counselor at school – and you should.

You already know puberty & adolescence feels like chaos. It’s like that for almost everyone. But rushing to make serious decisions about your gender or sexual preference before you’re ready won’t really make it easier.

I’m bisexual and had my first experience with another girl when I was 15, but I really needed to move through puberty before I felt I knew who I was sexually. Taking time isn’t a bad thing. And be aware if your only support is coming from other females in your age group they may misinformed and just as confused as you are.

None of this may sound like the answer you’re looking for. Truth is nobody but you knows exactly what you’re feeling or why. What will probably do the most good is talking with someone who’s really trained to help.

Gender confused.
I am a woman who is glad I didn’t grow up later than I did.
I liked climbing trees. I played with my brother’s trucks, and other male oriented toys. Was I lesbian? Not then, nor ever. However, in current social climates, people use the smallest issues to shove kids into some alphabet dysphoric classification.
What I’m saying is, confusion happens. These days, people are so determined to fit in to some sort of defined group, they are making up new genders, and assigning behaviors accordingly.
Being dissatisfied with what one sees in a mirror is not what defines one’s gender. Nor is it an indicator of sexual preference.

Teen years are a gauntlet of identity challenges. There is more than sexuality in focus during those years. Financial class, grades, drugs, law breakers, oh my gawd how do any of us survive it?!? Every which way we turn, people are trying to label us, and shove us into a sorting pile.
Don’t let yourself be pressed into any definition, or behavior, until you have learned exactly what you see for yourself. It takes time, and it is normal to be confused and/or dissatisfied. Personally, I fit no one group, and I’m ok with that. I’m not republican, or democrat, feminine or masculine or introvert or extrovert, blah, blah, blah. I am a woman. I was born female. I am heterosexual, but people want so much to fit people into categories, I have experienced all my life people misfiling me. Don’t let them do it.
Don’t let classmates, or teachers, or parents stick you in a pile.
However do understand that parents are your authority. They can’t choose who you are for you, but they do have responsibilities to face every day. You must respect that, and observe their rules, and choices. That doesn’t mean you can’t have opinions. You certainly have rights. Just don’t let anyone push you into something you feel is not you. Keep that separate from respecting the choices your parents must make for now.
Confusion is normal. Here is a big secret revealed; nobody is one hundred percent comfortable with what they see in the mirror. Being well adjusted is not about understanding what labels fit you. Being well adjusted comes with knowing you don’t give a damn about labels.

Just focus on being true to yourself. Dress in a way that is comfortable for you and participate in activities that are what you want to do. Don’t worry about an outward label, just be on a path of self-discovery. Things will fall into place as they need to as you grow.

We are all “non-binary” to one extent or another.

Fake it. But BE the boy! Don’t just act it.

When I was young I fantasized about having a transition surgery when I grew up. I wanted to become a boy and I despised my real gender. My reasoning was that I liked boy things like video games and computers and couldn’t get into girl things. I also could relate more to boys than girls, girls were just too pussy and mean to me and didn’t seem to understand me. Another reason was that I was afraid of discrimination as an adult. I thought men had a much better time than women. I couldn’t wait to grow up so that I could become a man.

I have since given up the desire. I realized that most of my reasoning for transitioning came from my own misconception of the world around me and me still being a child. I still like boy things, but over the time I started to take a liking to more feminine things. I like makeup, craft and working with fabric now. I also develop a mild interest in cooking although I’m still far away from being able to cook well. I also relate more to women, and most of my friends are female. I could no longer relate to men. And also I realized that life as a whole doesn’t favor any gender. I have my own privilege as a woman. My fear just came from the Literature lessons where teachers drilled into my head the notion that women were oppressed in society which used to be true but not now.

I think I agree the most with @Patty_Melt and @JLoon. You are still at the age when you are still discovering the world and who you are in it. It takes a long time to find yourself a solid identity. You may think you want to be a certain thing now, but when you mature you might change your mind. And also just because you like boy things doesn’t mean you are meant to be a boy. It just means you have a preference. No one should categorize anyone based on their preference and neither should you. The only advice I have for you is ditch the label for now. Don’t identify with anything. Just go out and experience life. When you have more life experience, you will be more certain of who you are and make a decision.

And please be careful. Other people and the media can influence you and make you believe you are something you are not. I was influenced, and I grew out of it.

Don’t let anyone here tell you that you are too young to figure out what gender you are. It is YOUR decision at ANY age.

I’ve raised a transgender youth who just turned 18. It wasn’t a phase or “puberty chaos” for him and it’s not for most transgender adolescents. The majority of transgender people know well before puberty who they are.

I have access to groups of teens like you if you need it. Send me a message if you think it will help.