Do you have a relationship where everything you say blows up in your face?

I don’t have that but if I did, I’d first think really long and hard about the things I’ve said (since your details specify “the things you say”) and I’d try my best to be objective.. I’d ask to speak to the person who’s upset (who I’m guessing, if this refers to your husband, would be my husband), and see if we can reason it out, and come to some type of agreement about my speaking style and his reactions when he’s upset. If that was too much of a task, or if that was not successful, I’d ask the person who’s upset if they would attend therapy with me to talk to an objective person and get some perspectives and ideas on how to cope with this.

Yes, this is pretty much my marriage for the last decade. I love him but after his medical journey and diagnosis, he’s a completely different person.

@JLeslie I hope it’s not your problem. But if it is, based on your posts here, the person can’t be more wrong. What kind of a relationship is it is it, is it a handicapped parent who is dependant on you, an only child, or something like that? I guess you wouldn’t have asked if you could end the relationship, (if it was romantic)?

Oh yes… my short relation with Fluther but I asked for it! I will do so again because…

I gotta be me!

@KNOWITALL Has your partner undergone a character change, if I may ask?

@rebbel Yes, very much so.

No one should have to live with emotional abuse, or whatever it’s called.

Nah, my wife and I always have, and still do, get along pretty well..unless she is dogging me about my perceived medical issues. I don’t care about my issues and I don’t have a million bucks in my account to pay a hospital anyway. If I croak she can cremate me and move on. : )

Regarding myself, I have a few relationships where certain topics are impossible, the other person flips out, but I don’t have a situations where everything said is a problem.

In the last several years it is more pronounced with my husband, and I find it very frustrating, I’ve mentioned that before on fluther. He doesn’t want to hear any “negativity” from me. Luckily, we have plenty of things we are united on and many happy things, so it’s not overwhelming, but it still gets to me. Sometimes I think about going to therapy a few sessions just to see if it could calm things down. It’s not out of the question.

I used to be the one who would easily flip out regarding my relation with my dad, but I’ve been stifling a lot the last few years and trying to not be so reactive. Sometimes it feels like being run over by a truck. Some things I have lightened up about.

@JLeslie Most women are close to their dads. Seems normal and natural to me. Not trying to be a buttinski, just saying.

^^My dad can be controlling, self absorbed, and unaware of his own anxiety. When he gets anxious he will not shut up at trying to manipulate me into doing whatever will make him feel better. He is in complete denial that he is being manipulative.

@JLeslie I’m sorry, I know to me it feels like gaslighting or dismissal and can be hurtful.

With my situation, he just doesn’t want to hear any negativity either, but sometimes conversations are needed even if unpleasant. Hugs.

And hugs to you too, @KNOWITALL.
That’s beyond sucky, to instantly having to live with a changed person.
That must feel like having your spouse substituted with a new, unknown, one, I can imagine.

@rebbel With traumatic head injuries it apparently happens a lot, plus the memory loss is pretty noticeable to me. I feel like he gets frustrated a lot. Thanks.

I haven’t seen narcissism mentioned, so I’ll mention it along with OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder), which is different from OCD and is worse. I’d suggest reading about the ten major personality disorders and seeing if any of them are a match.

I’ve had two doozy-level jerks enter my life over the last few years, and figuring these things out has gotten me off my heels and helped me cope and assert some boundaries.

There are quite a few therapists who have informational videos on YouTube, and especially with narcissism, it is helpful to watch a lot of them to internalize an understanding of what makes those bizzaro-world vampires tick.