How do you know when you've met "the one"?
Is it when every fiber of your being wishes you could talk to them, and you miss them when they are gone? But not only just miss them you….. Crave their presence. Like it completes you in a sense. They make you feel full and happy and worry-less. They were the only one to make you feel truly safe and at peace.
When you spend sleepless nights reminiscing of being held by them, wishing you could go back in time?
Is it being willing to go back even if they may have hurt you, not talking about abuse of course. But being willing to forget that because your love is strong?
Or is it being willing to understand that maybe they just don’t feel that same way, and that they won’t ever again, they won’t ever talk to you and you probably will never see them again, and that’s okay? You have to let them go because if it’s meant to be, it will be and all that jazz?
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You explained it well. :)
I don’t know but when it happens you will just know.
I knew when I met Mrs Squeeky.
I edited my details. I didn’t realize people could still answer.
Obviously we aren’t together. But I sometimes have moments where I feel empty. It’s not obsessive, because I recognize I need to be alone right now. It’s just….. It hurts that they are gone forever. Because everything I described is how I felt and still sometimes feel towards them… And they will never really know that.
I don’t know. My guess is that she will tell me If I am the one. Or E-harmony will tell us? I hopeful for @SQUEEKY2 answer would work.
For me, it was being understood even when you are so different. It was knowing there wasn’t anything I could say that would change the way he saw me. It was being able to be all of me and he being able to be all of him. No pretense is needed. I loved someone before I met my husband but I knew he wasn’t the one because I felt I wasn’t truly appreciated and loved for who I am. When you feel that and they feel it too, that is when you know this is the one. I don’t mean that they love you for all. The good and the bad but rather they want to know you all because they don’t want to hide who they are and don’t want you to hide who you are.
Like the way a parent loves their child no matter what only it almost feels like they have to. Yet when it’s someone who isn’t related and they give you that kind of love, then you know this is the one.
But its natural to miss the almost until you find the one.
It’s possible you don’t, because of what the other person thinks of you. I met “the one” once and it didn’t turn out because she didn’t feel the same about me.
Don’t confuse it with trauma bonding.
@Hawaii_Jake
Nothing about this was abusive at all. Please don’t insinuate that.
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I’m going to say no, although some of what you described okays into it.
All of that is exciting, but it’s really when being together is easy and wanting to be together forever seems like the most natural thing in the world.
It’s when you have similar big and practical goals, like kids, how you handle money, and where you want to live.
You need to be similar on real life issues that happen in life, and respect each other, including each other’s beliefs and world view, not just be goo goo gah gah.
To me it’s a gradual process. I never call anyone who I just meet and like “the one” well, maybe my teenager self would, but not current me. It’s a combination of my affection toward them and their feeling toward me. And to reach that bond it takes some time.
Now that you mention it, I don’t think I have used “the one” to refer to people in my life for a long time. I just know I want to be with them and that’s enough. It doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate people I like, it’s just that I don’t use “the one” in my vocabulary.
Yes, I agree with what everyone is saying and I have felt that too. @JLeslie @Pandora
And @Hawaii_Jake, thanks. I know what trauma bonding is, Mr. Psychiatrist. This is not trauma bonding.
@SergeantQueen There has been times in our 33years together that it hasn’t been easy but I can’t imagine life without her.
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When he can slow down time to dodge my bullets.
For me it was when my wife (then girlfriend) essentially moved into her barn for weeks to be with her horse, dying of old age that she’d loved since she was in middle school. I knew a woman with that level of strength, steadfast care, loyalty and love for another being would be an amazing woman that I would be lucky to spend the rest of my life with.
How do you know when you haven’t yet met “the one”? Well, if they have hurt you, and they don’t feel the same way about you and they don’t want to talk with you they are probably not “the one”. Almost anyone else just might be.
While all those things are valid and marvelous to have, only time will tell.
These things need to occur and be felt well past the Honeymoon phase of a relationship.
One does not HAVE to be in and around them all the time either.
That love should be in such a way that the other person feels free.
I also do not feel that there is just ONE person for us. There may be ONE person for you at a specific time in your life. You both grow and change.
I liken it to two trees in a forest. You are near each other. You bend and sway with each other. You shelter each other collectively in a storm. Your branches touch but do not enmesh or choke the other out.
**Most important – it has to be mutual.**
Linguistically, you would know the answer immediately, when you have met “the one”.
Right after the moment of amalgamation.
More often than not, “the one” turns out to be a serious mistake. Attraction turns out to involve a considerable suspension of logic and good judgement with the substitution of superficial values for common sense.
I agree with @JLeslie completely. If you haven’t dated someone who is very similar to you, it’s rare and very special.
Depends on what you mean by “the one”.
You’re confused by what the one means in this question??^^
@SQUEEKY2 Yes, and I suspect the OP isn’t thinking about it clearly, either. Acting as if “the one” needs no clearer definition, is all it takes to make some very unfortunate and regrettable life decisions.
@Zaku Maybe it’s a hard question if you haven’t found your one?
Mrs Squeeky and I only dated for three months before we got married,and we are still going strong 33 years later,couldn’t imagine my life without her.
There most definitely been some hard moments but what relationship hasn’t had it’s tough times but you get through them and come out stronger.
Only 2 things are or could be a deal breaker abuse,and being unfaithful ,EVERYTHING else you work through.
@SQUEEKY2 From a perspective of an experience like yours, about your own situation, certainly there would tend to seem to be a very clear answer. I am really very happy to hear that you have had that experience! :-)
@Zaku Thanks,and I am happy with Mrs Squeeky.
I mean the person I have in mind: I got along with so well, never felt like I had to hide who I was. I always felt so safe with them. I supported them a lot and they did the same.
It’s hard to describe. It was just a… Pure feeling. They meant a lot to me and yeah.
@SargeantQueen Can you give it another shot or is he married or something? If it feels special it bery well could be. :)
They kinda just cut me off and I doubt it would go anywhere if I tried. I think the whole thing was a misunderstanding but can’t seem to get that thru. They are with someone anyways. I desperately wish I can say how I feel though.
It is a painful longing but maybe they weren’t the one. Maybe it was an almost.
You can go through acute or ongoing emotional pain or longing from the loss of anyone who is in your life on a regular basis. It doesn’t mean they were the one, and there is more than one one out there.
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