What are some unintentionally amusing emails or other messages that you've received?

Here’s some spam that I got within the last 2 days:

The sender’s name has 9 letters, 81/2 of which are consonants: nghhg ytgh
Their message was: WINNINGNUNBERS

This one has an abundance of extraneous vowels:

Sender: пortооn LiifeLосk
Mess: your Noorton subscriiption has EXPlRED, reenew now
Was this one sent from the Netherlands? ;)

Sometimes I receive threats, that they will publish secretly taken webcam recordings of me pleasuring myself to some unseemly videos, unless I transfer some Bitcoin to them.
I naturally ignore them.

@ragingloli

I got one of those too:

“Hey!

Unfortunately, I have some bad news for you.
Several months ago, I got access to the device you are using to browse the internet.
Since that time, I have been monitoring your internet activity.

Being a regular visitor of adult websites, I can confirm that it is you who is responsible for this.
To keep it simple, the websites you visited provided me with access to your data.

I’ve uploaded a Trojan horse on the driver basis that updates its signature several times per day, to make it impossible for antivirus to detect it. Additionally, it gives me access to your camera and microphone.
Moreover, I have backed-up all the data, including photos, social media, chats and contacts.

Just recently, I came up with an awesome idea to create the video where you cum in one part of the screen, while the video was simultaneously playing on another screen. That was fun!

Rest assured that I can easily send this video to all your contacts with a few clicks, and I assume that you would like to prevent this scenario.

With that in mind, here is my proposal:
Transfer the amount equivalent to 500 USD to my Bitcoin wallet, and I will forget about the entire thing. I will also delete all data and videos permanently.”

First of all, I don’t have a webcam, etc.

The worst part is, that there have to be a lot of people who fall for that scam, otherwise they would not do it.

You guys are more interesting than I am. The funnest thing I’ve gotten was a series of texts from someone assuming that the receiver of said texts was a spouse. The sender was adamant that the frogs were not as important as the receiver believed , and needed to be dealt with. Three texts in a short time on this subject, then a fourth, all caps, “ANSWER ME DAMMIT”
I didn’t see them til an hour or so later, when I texted back that it was a wrong number.
No more texts.

I’ve mainly been getting dying people wanting to give me millions of dollars, recently. Someone saying they’re from the military, “a Successful business Woman dealing with Exportation [in an] Ugly Situation”, etc.

A few funny ones from the past include:

Subject: The Party Game Where You Play As A Penis Is Finally Out

Subject: Jordan on Jeroboam and burn incense, savour unto the bridegroom, shall

Subject: Grand letter. You ought to read.

and

From: <“Insta Hard<bounce@localhost.local>"@NONE>
Subject: New: Erection brain discovered..
Femenists Hate This!
Hi :
When Chris Cutler, a marriage counselor from Texas
Ran an anonymous DIVORCE SURVEY with his clients
Little did he know that not only would it lead him to discovering the hidden
cause of ED
...
But rather a hidden part of your penis that acts as your SECOND BRAIN
...
Click here to see Chris Cutler’s controversial presentation about your “Second Brain”...
Inside you’ll discover the bizarre story behind his discovery… Why big pharma is trying to silence him …
And most importantly … How you could easily start getting bigger, harder, and longer lasting erections as soon as tonight …
Using the second brain secret he reveals inside
-SIG
P.S. Chris Cutler’s divorce survey reveals some other controversial information… That you won’t find anywhere else.
In fact, it has feminist groups trying to pull his presentation off the internet.
Which is why you must watch it NOW…
Click here to see the presentation FEMINISTS HATE…

I get emails for someone with a similar name asking me to update my credentials so that they can process my application for a medical position.

I wrote and told them it wasn’t me but the still kept coming.