How do you make it through grief/bereavement?

The worst loss I went through I survived because I was medicated for 6 weeks. I was barely eating I was so distraught, and Xanax gave me back some appetite, took away some of the shakes and digestive problems, and I was able to go through the motions of getting out of bed.

I’m not pushing Xanax, it is highly addictive, and I don’t have any history of addiction, and I stopped taking it before I really wanted to in fear of getting addicted, but without it I was in incredible physical discomfort, wasting away, let alone the obvious emotional pain of the loss. I desperately wanted at least some of the physical symptoms to be alleviated.

I think for me, time eventually took the edge off of the pain and anxiety, that’s what time did. It wasn’t as acute after 6 months, I wasn’t so out of control. The sadness was still there for a long time, especially it came in waves even a year later it could be very intense, but I would recover faster from the bad wave. I think most significant losses it actually takes about two years to be able to think about the person and not be wrecked.

I wouldn’t say time heals all wounds, I would say time usually, eventually, time gives us a new normal that is ok.

Loss not only changes your present, meaning the person is no longer with you now, but it is a loss of future plans. Even if you make it through your day, I feel it takes a long time to accept the future you had envisioned is not the same anymore. It’s when we can see a new future that has some happiness that I think we move on.

@ZEPHYRA I am s sorry for your loss. What helps me is prayer and caring understanding friends who just listen. We all do not grieve the same way. Get up, go for for frequent walks. Bring the body and the mind will follow. Crying helps relieve a bit. Music can be solace for some. You get through grief one day at a time. No, it is not easy. Again, I am truly sorry for your loss. God bless!

For me it was writing daily ( Journaling/diary).

It helped me to get my feelings out on paper at the time and later it was important for me to understand “Why” it happened. ( 12 year Guardianship Court Battles between siblings).
This got me more into Psychology and Behaviours in families.

In the end my ailing 93 year old peaceful,loving mother passed away unnoticed in the night and no one in that multi million dollar facility was there for her at the most crucial time.
My older siblings continued with Court Battles for even more years, not understanding that their animosity overshadowed their love of their ailing mother.

The Resulting family fractured and spread out over the country far apart from each sibling.
In the end was it worth the fight..NO!

It took a very long time for me to realize what really was happening between the older siblings…competition between them for dominance.

Currently I am writing our Family Saga, a lifelong project to show others the futility of sibling rivalry and the patterns in families that continue throughout generations until someone steps up to break the cycle.
Even in painful situations one can learn to become a better person and turn things around for the next generation.
Just my way of handling an extremely difficult time and figuring out a way to prevent it repeating in the next generation.

I am so sorry for the heavy loss you have suffered.

I used a combination of things. I’m lucky to have an excellent therapist. I spoke to him weekly. I use meditation, and I do it daily. It’s so comforting. I remember days when it led to crying, and I didn’t stop it. I let it flow.

I also make sure that I only eat healthy food. I do not eat junk food and extremely small amounts of refined sugar. I try to go for a walk daily. Exercise is important.

I also took medication prescribed by a doctor. It really helped for a few months to keep me stable.

I pray you find solace.

I give it all the time that it requires.

I lost a very dear friend who was like a brother to me as a kid just over 20 years ago to an overdose. Time really does help, but the pain is still there. I remember on my wedding day thinking he would have been the best man, what would he have looked like? Would he be married? Would he have kids?

I can bring myself to tears, even now, if I really dwell on what could have been, but it’s nothing like the initial gut wrenching agony of that initial loss. At the time I remember it being so visceral. I would scream into my pillow with rage and sadness.

But we keep them alive in our memories. It’s proven true for me and my friend.

I’ll just echo what @Hawaii_Jake wrote, that I did seek out therapy, that’s who prescribed the medication for me, but being able to talk to someone did help.

There are bereavement groups also, some people find that very helpful.

You just do, even if you don’t want to. Let your family and friends help by being near. You may not want to eat or sleep but having people near you will help you. I will never tell someone that they will stop grieving. I have not, and will never stop. You just get to a place where you being to function, even though it’s never the same. Your world has changed.

@ZEPHYRA I agree with everything that has been said above. The most difficult realization for me was that I could no longer just call and talk to my loved one.

Your love for someone can be felt in memories. It might be painful now to relive some of those memories. That’s alright. Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to grieve. Think of some place or some event that was special for your relationship. Listen to a song you both liked,, and don’t hesitate to cry when you hear it!! There’s a song that still tugs at my heart; it reminds me of the loved one I lost over 30 years ago.

Time won’t heal the loss, but it will help you cope.

I think that how you make it through grief depends on how emotionally attached you are to the deceased. What you perceive death to mean possibly influences your response as well.

My 2nd and 3rd wives both died from cancer but the grief I experienced was considerably different. At the time my 2nd wife died we were barely speaking. If I felt anything it was relief that she no longer suffered. I grieved considerably when my 3rd wife passed. There were frequent bouts of sadness and sudden unexpected crying. I didn’t believe I would “get through” grieving at all.

But I did get through it and there was nothing I consciously did to influence how well I accepted it or how long it took. I really resented hearing “she’s in a better place” and “time heals grief”, but part of that is essentially what happened. As the days passed the void that resulted from my wife no longer being here lessened until there was no more grief. Life goes on.