If someone proposes some dates to get together, and you tell them you're free on those dates, are you supposed to keep those dates free until they pick one?
Asked by
jca2 (
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July 22nd, 2022
The leader of an organization that my daughter belongs to (a scouting organization for females) proposed two possible dates for a meeting. The group is small, and the moms responded with which of those dates are best for them. The majority picked a Thursday. My daughter was available on both dates and I responded as such. About a week later, the leader of the group emailed with the definitive meeting date. At that point, we (my daughter and I) were no longer available on that date, and another girl was not either. The other mom responded that her daughter was no longer available and I did, as well.
One of the moms responded with an email pointing out that two of the girls were now not available, and the leader sent an email that had an annoyed tone. I won’t convey the details – it was not rude but her wording indicated that she was annoyed that we were no longer available. The wording was how a lot of effort goes into scheduling the meetings and how everyone had been available on the date she chose. I responded with an apologetic email.
My feelings were (and are) that if something is not definite, and something else comes along, we are free and it’s “first come, first served.”
What do you think? Would you hold dates open until a decision is made, or would you consider the dates free for other things, because a decision hasn’t been made?
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9 Answers
No, but it is expected that you stay in touch, and give updates to any changes, as soon as possible.
No, you did nothing wrong.
Holding a date would only be for very important events, for me.
This is a situation that is fraught with misunderstandings and people getting bent.
When the scout leader proposed the dates, how far in advance was the request? Did she give a due date for responses? And how quickly did she inform the group? It would be common courtesy if okay with both dates to keep the calendar clear for a few days, but if you didn’t hear from her in a reasonable time, the scouts lost.
Between the scout event and the other event, what was the relative importance? If one was to get together for a craft activity, and the other was a visit from a cherished relative, that is one thing, but if it was the annual Scout awards dinner and the other was Aunt Sarah taking the kids to a swim club, that’s different.
No things happen. If you can you can if you can’t you can’t
@zenvelo I was just looking at my emails from the time period that this occurred and the email proposing the two possible dates was sent May 27 and the email with the confirmed date was sent on June 11th. The proposed dates were for the week of June 13–17. I was going to my book group that night but I could have dropped her off and the leader would have driven her home. At this point I don’t recall what my daughter had to do instead, that night, because it’s not written on my calendar.
You tell them the dates are tentative and subject to change without notice.
Depends on how many people she is trying to schedule. If it’s only a few, I’d expect confirmation of a date within a few days. If it’s multiple people and harder to coordinate, I’d give them up to a week.
Do you guys use Doodle? I think it allows you to update your availability.
@raum It’s about six girls. We don’t use Doodle. I never heard of it until you mentioned it.
I feel when you give a date it’s reasonable to keep them open a day or two, and if you do schedule something to let the group know that the particular time slot is no longer any good for you. After two days then all bets are off, people will need to reconfirm what days and times will work, because too much can change. A week is way too long, it’s ridiculous to be annoyed when a week has gone by.
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