(NSFW) How can I prove to my dad that my boyfriend isn't beating me?
Uh! I can’t wait until I finally finish my last year of high school. So I got this new boyfriend. He’s the kind of guy that I’ve been looking for. He’s strong, confident. He looks like the bad boy type. Apparently I’m his type to. (He loves blondes). We are practically made for each other. I don’t like to talk about my sex life but here is the problem. I love bdsm. Spanking, biting, hit with belts, switches, cutting, any punishment you can think of. The problem is that it often results in cuts and bruises on my face and legs. (This isn’t a bad thing. It turns me on.) The problem is that my dad noticed that I began getting bruises and cuts after I got with my new boyfriend. He immediately began blaming him. My friend picked up the same thing. My dad and my friend can’t stand him even though he’s a good guy. Eventually my friend she asked me if my boyfriend hits me. I told her no. I don’t like to talk about my sex life so I didn’t tell her were the bruises came from. She didn’t believe me. I know that someone in her family suffered from an abusive relationship so she takes this very seriously. She didn’t believe and she often talks bad about my boyfriend. She often pressures me into breaking up with him. (It is so annoying. I wish she would stay out of my business. If I needed help I would ask her for it.) She refuses to go on double dates. She hates my boyfriend. It got to the point that I had to cut her off. My friend began telling everyone in the school that my boyfriend beats me and that I need help. (I hated that she did that. I was so embarrassed.) I noticed people were giving me sympathetic words and asked them who was spreading the roomer. They told me that my friend did. I had to clear my boyfriends reputation. I had to go around and let people know that my boyfriend would never beat. I told them that my friend is a liar. I confronted my friend and cursed her out for embarrassing me. (I cut her off after that). This might sound petty but I even refused to give her back the money that I owed her. (She let me borrow 20 dollar so I could pay off debt to the school library for a book that I lost.) I cut her off and never paid back the money. My father does the same thing. When my boyfriend is not around he pressures me to break up with him too. He says that he’ll never allow anyone to abuse his daughter. (Even though my dad spanked, hit me, and abused me when I was younger. Eye roll.) My boyfriend kisses me and slaps my butt in front of my Dad and I seccretly love that it pisses him off. One day my dad saw my boyfriend drop me off from school. As soon as my boyfriend left my dad yelled at me because I still hung out with my boyfriend. He started slamming dishes on the floor and throwing things at mirrors. I told him that I’m going out for a drive but he snatched my car keys. Behind my dad’s back I picked up the house phone and called my boyfriend and asked him to pick me up. Unfortunately my dad took my cellphone away because I got in trouble at school. I had my boyfriends address written down on a sheet of paper because I could store it on my cellphone. I had to quickly go through the cabinets of kitchen to find the paper so that my dad would accidently discover it. I cleared all the papers out of the cabinet and stuffed it in a garbage bag. As soon as my boyfriend came I throw the bag full of paper in the back seat and we left. At first we were going to stay in a hotel. (My boyfriend is 18.) The problem was that he wanted me to pay but I couldn’t afford it. (I quit my job because my manager was acting like a jerk.) We resorted to staying at my friends Aunts house. His aunt is nice but I don’t think she is too fond of me. She always complains because I smoke in her house. (She hates that I make her house smell like cigarette smoke, but I’ll be 18 in a fee months. I’m practically a grown woman.) We stayed there for a couple days until my boyfriend dropped me off at home. My dad yelled at me and told me that he called the cops to search for me. He asked if I ran away with my boyfriend. He said that he’ll get my boyfriend arrested for kidnapping if he has too. I lied and told him that I stayed at my Aunts house. Sorry for the long rant but I’m sick of the drama. How can I prove to my dad that my boyfriend is not abusive. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t wait to graduate high school and move out.
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23 Answers
This has to be one of the most sobering things I’ve read in
awhile. And I have no advice for you that you will want to hear. This isn’t going to make sense to you, but I would urge you strongly to save this piece you have composed for future reference. Remember the way the world looked to you 5 years ago and compare it to the way you feel about things now. Because I guarantee you that 5 years from now, your sentiments and views on current matters will have shifted more radically than you will now believe. What you have given us is a riveting narrative on an evolving trainwreck. It is also probably a very valuable little document to hand over to those optimists ignoring the crapshooting odds involved in the rearing of children. Please, for the love of God, find someone twice your age who you trust and in whom you can confide. I shudder at the thought of your future.
I stopped reading after you mentioned you get bruises and cuts on your face.
I am a gay man. I do some weird shit during sex. I do some very kinky stuff. I am the dom 90% of the time. I never leave marks. Never.
What you are doing is far too extreme. Stop.
What does your mom say? Are you trying to prove to your dad that your boyfriend isn’t beating you or to yourself? Leaving marks like that is extreme, and I’m not one to judge.
Protip for couch surfing. It’s pretty scummy to smoke in someone’s house if they don’t want you to. You are majorly imposing on them and being a jerk about it.
Don’t let anyone leave visible marks on you, if you don’t want to be asked and are too embarrassed to be honest about it. Your behavior forces people who care about you to ask. You force them to assume when you won’t be honest. They are doing what you have forced them to do, because they care and you don’t. Honestly, even I think you’re probably lying.
@gorillapaws My Mom kinda goes along with what my dad says. My parents do argue about other things but when it is about me she always agrees with him.
Ever think that what really gets you off is pissing off your dad as revenge for abusing you? Did your dad abuse your mom (other siblings) too?
@Purplesarah OMG where do I start? My mom used to side with my dad too when it came to punishment but thankfully she has come around to being herself and that behavior has stopped. My dad abused me when I was little for years but we all have gotten help and things have changed a lot since then. (it’s a long story that I’m not going into here) Anything that results in bruising and cuts even! is cause for major concern and intervention. This is NOT normal but I do sympathize with your perception of it feeling normal to you. I certainly do NOT judge you in any way, but you do need to find help. I do believe that some of this is because you are trying to make your dad upset about the way he treated you in the past. I understand that, believe me, I do! But for your bf to treat you with such disrespect and hurting you (even if you don’t see it that way) how is this gonna escalate in the future? You don’t want to marry your dad, do you? What I mean is someone that treats you like your dad did in the past. I’m 17 and in my senior year of high school so we are about the same age but moving out at such a young age and with someone that hurts you just to spite your parents this is NOT going to end well for you. Please think about your future, you have a long life ahead, try and make it the best one possible.
Some srious counseling would be a big help to you in this situation.
Your only real option to defuse the abuse angle, is to be open and honest with your family about ‘private matters’. You can be vague but get your point across that you enjoy rough play.
I see no problem as long as you are both enjoying yourselves as consenting adults. I bruise easily and have been thru this myself in my 20’s. Have fun.
“I’m practically a grown woman.”...NO YOU ARE DEFINATLY NOT, as a grown mature woman would recognize the danger that she is putting herself in and the results of that choice on her unborn children.
She would protect herself by NOT giving another permission to abuse her regardless if NOW it makes her feel good.
You have been following a pattern of behaviour that was foisted onto you as if it was normal?
It is not and it
HAS TO STOP WITH YOU NOT ACCEPTING IT AND THUS NOT PASSING IT ON.
A GROWN WOMAN WOULD RECOGNISE that and take responsibility to NOT allow it , you have not reached that stage yet, and I fear that you will only come to your senses WHEN you are severely hospitalized with permanent damages and finally wake up to what really is happening.
That boyfriend is a CONTROL freak and controlling you though abuse.I think that you like it because then YOU don’t have to take responsibility and pass it on to him to decide your future.
The real issue is CONTROL.
The question I ask you then is WHY are you content in surrendering your rights?
( much like your father had control over you) A grown woman takes responsibility not only for herself, her life choices, but that of her future children’s lives as well, remember that.
You are not even close to that maturity, so leave the boyfriend who is immature as well and if he keeps this up will end in prison and for what , fun and games?
You both need to grow up and ralise the pattern that you too had set up for nothing but pain and suffering for you and your future children and
that will be on your head and your boyfreinds to answer to the authorites.
Since you are 17 years old according to your details, you are not a consenting adult or “practically a grown woman.” Legally you are a minor in the majority of states, and under the care and custody of your parents.
Getting bruises and marks on your face is not ok. Would a job hire you if you had bruises on your face? Would it be cause for concern if you went to interview for a college?
I don’t want to use the terminology “not normal” because the definition of “normal” varies for different people, but this is unusual behavior and your parents have good reason to be concerned.
I had a hard time reading your wall of text but I don’t know if you mentioned the age of your boyfriend. If he is older than you, he may be committing a crime just by having sex with you. It depends on the laws of your state.
Just re-read the details and see your boyfriend is 18. He may or may not be committing any crimes, depending on the laws of your state. I see that he hits you in front of your father. A lot of fathers would beat the crap out of him and be willing to go to jail for doing so.
@Purplesarah
1)one of the answers here is telling you to head toward the ditch/the cliff
Don’t do that, as most of the posts have shown.
2)Physical abuse is not only when the bruises and cuts are visible/obvious to others.
Why must you prove anything to your dad?
@Purplesarah,
Think of physically abused wives who insisted “He is not abusing me, he loves me it’s alright…” (when the police witnessed it and were trying to arrest him) In complete denial. Finally the law changed that even if the woman doesn’t charge him he get arrested.
And re. the bruises and cuts, there are some of us whose skin can withstand a lot and some not. And doesn’t it take all your energy just spending a lot of time trying to justify what is not justifiable to your frieinds your family…Addicts swear up and down that they are not addicted. They believe it, but it doesn’t mean that it’s a fact.
She’s coming home with cuts and bruises @SnipSnip and he wants to know why. It’s only natural.
If @Purplesarah is under the age of 18 and her abuser is over 21 he can do jail time in some states, her dad could turn him in and so be it . . . .
She is 17 and the boy friend is 18.
@SnipSnip: If your 17 year old daughter got a new boyfriend and then started having bruises and cuts on her face and legs, you don’t think that would be concerning?
@Purplesarah If a stranger on the street who you just finished gave directions to (because he asked you) said to you “By the way can you let me physically abuse you, [all the things you described in your post)] because it makes me feel good, and I’m sure you would like it”, would you say yes to that? How about if a platonic freind asked you that? No? So, why would it be okay if it is a boyfreind or spouse?
She wasn’t getting the answer she wanted.
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