Is there a word for this? [NSFW]
Bit of a backstory: I was groomed from the age of 12–17 by older boys and men. At the time I didn’t know it was wrong and genuinely believed that they loved me etc.
By age 20 I was sexually assaulted. I started to hate ALL men. To me, ALL men are groomers. I started wearing clothes that covered every inch of my body and wouldn’t leave the house if my coat wasn’t long enough to hide my backside.
I’m in my 30s now and I have CPTSD from this.
But my main query today is…
When I’m aroused, I often fantasie about being groomed – I feel ashamed but I always do it.
Is there a word for that?
My CPTSD is very strong 99% of the time but as soon as I’m feeling sexual, it’s like I want to be abused??!
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8 Answers
I’m am very sorry you experienced sexual abuse. That is horrific and should not happen to anyone.
I am sure there’s a term for it, but I am not a clinical psychologist, so I don’t know it.
I hope that continued therapy will help you release the power of CPTSD.
I am also an abuse survivor, and I have been in therapy for a very long time. It has given me great help. My trauma no longer controls me. I feel much better. I hope you also find relief.
RTS is rape trauma syndrome. Disrupted sexuality, questioning sexuality, even hyper-sexuality is often associated with this.
Since I’m not a psychologist and don’t know what the details of your abuse was, it’s speculation based on your post.
I’m sorry that happened. As a rape victim, I like to be dominated so I get it.
I was doing the dishes as a teen and my father groped me, because I was doing womans work. It felt good and I was ashamed and got angry. My family was staying over for the holidays for supper, and they did nothing to help.
I use paper plates now. I have problems doing dishes.
@RedDeerGuy1 Sorry buddy. Wish you’d have punched him in the gonads. But we all react differently.
Rape victims have been known to orgasm but that doesn’t mean it’s not rape. Just your physical reaction. You did nothing wrong.
@KNOWITALL I considered it but was afraid that I would end up in jail. Now it would be elder abuse.
@RedDeerGuy1 Healing is the most important thing, my friend.
@QuietGhost I’m guessing, but I’d say it’s called classical conditioning, which is when you pair two stimuli on a regular basis and get a reaction. Then, when presented with either of the stimuli in the future, you get that same reaction. My psych studies were years ago, but I think that’s the jist of it. I hope you’re in therapy to work through this; it doesn’t go away by itself or without intervention.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/pavlov.html
It sounds a bit like Stockholm Syndrome.
While Stockholm Syndrome is typically related to being a captive, there are studies as it relates to sexual abuse.
Stockholm syndrome and child sexual abuse syndrome and child sexual abuse
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