Why can't I hallucinate some other time?

I’m sorry this date is so persistent. Have you ever tried imagining going back to a different time? Could imagination work?

@Hawaii_Jake I can get visions of other mistakes, but I can’t change them like I could in the summer of 2000. I think something horrible happened in that time that I am blocking out.

I hurt a gf in the first year of university and I would like to have a mulligan for that time too.

I will ask my student psychologist on Tuesday October 18.

I’m all sad this morning. Could be my IBS or could be my schizophrenia.

It’s an excellent idea to tell your student psychologist.

Sorry about that. Maybe you can talk it through in therapy and change how you frame what happened so it doesn’t keep popping into your mind and you can think about other times.

Years ago I was very bothered by something I witnessed in my family, and when I told my therapist about it years after the incident, she viewed what happened as much less important than I did and she saw it differently, and after that I was able to let it go. I wasn’t hallucinating, but I was ruminating.

I don’t know how well hallucinations can be controlled or how well you might be able to reroute your thoughts, but I hope it will get better for you.

Have you been able to change the present by altering the past?

@LostInParadise Yes. minor things.

I think something (possibly traumatic) is blocking you from going back to another time. I have some laps in memory of my past when I was a little girl, most likely from the abuse that I endured. I even have a few tiny little scars that I still don’t know were they came from.

@RayaHope ♥︎

Huh. I’ve never wanted to go back and change anything. There were times I THOUGHT I wanted to do that, but then realized what all those “mistakes” had given me in life. Example: I married a girl I thought I loved but realized later it was that I probably married her because I didn’t know how to recognize it was pity and not love by the time we married. Horrible mistake, ended up being a horrible woman. Her own parents have no respect for her. She caused me years of angst. But I got 3 great kids out of the marriage. If I had never married her they never would have been born and I would have been robbed of one of the biggest joys in my life. Maybe the real issue is not that you can’t go back to try fixing other mistakes, but rather that you can’t accept what happened to try looking at the upside of your life.

I’m guessing that 2nd year of university was around when your schizophrenia started kicking in? It’s common for onset around then and I would absolve you of your errors, given the usual mistakes of youth plus illness.

I don’t think there has to be any trauma or major event you are blocking. Fixation can happen for many reasons. If indeed that’s when your illness became bad, it’s easy to see why that time would obsess you.