General Question
Nightmare neighbor. What do you think?
Hi gang- I need some perspective.
I own a townhome that is 8 years from being paid off at 3.25%. It’s affordable and efficient, and I anticipate that I’ll have all the money I’ll need to renovate it going forward.
On the other side of my 2×6 firewall, a one-inch gap, and another 2×6 firewall is my nightmare neighbor. She is a single mom of 3 young kids. They have always been noisy, but when the pandemic shutdown began, the noise shifted well past 10 p.m. On top of that, I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder and perhaps some anti-social tendencies, so for the past two and a half years, she has either outright made ridiculous levels of noise (throwing things against the wall for 20 minutes straight or blasting music) to harass me at all hours of the night or “leaned in” when slamming doors and dresser drawers, many of which are up against our common wall. I would also not be surprised if she cut into her own drywall (or removed a wall outlet) to eavesdrop, and I believe I caught her doing this once.
I’ve tried a lot of remedies including white noise and earplugs. Before I discovered some particularly effective earplugs, I had to wear normal foam earplugs and make the white noise as loud as a vacuum cleaner to drown out the thumps from next door. I’ve also tried talking to her (she lies), yelling at her (she denies), and the end result of me trying to fight fire with fire is that she called the cops (which I had also done many times) and that landed me a harassment charge, to which I basically had to plead guilty and follow a 90-day no contact order. I will also have to pay 9 months from now to get that expunged. (Some bullshit here is that the police filed it as a domestic violence charge even though I don’t live with her and have never dated her, which are the two conditions for DV offenses in my state). Being made chronically tired certainly hampered my efforts and decision making in dealing with the problem effectively. Also, there’s been an element of disbelief or denial on my part because… who acts that way? I’ve largely had a posture of waiting and waiting for things to stop and just they never do.
Recently, I decided the the sleep deprivation was too much, so I moved out and am renting a room on the cheap from a friend and continuing to pay my mortgage. (Thankfully, I can afford to do both.) Before I can do anything with the townhome, it needs paint, new floors, and new window treatments. I am moving at turtle-pace getting those things done, mostly because I am DIYing the paint and agonizing over flooring choices due to 2002-era honey oak cabinets that, to me at least, are not a great match for many of today’s laminate looks.
I can’t say I’m satisfied living in my friend’s room. I’m really too used to being on my own. It’s surprising to me how uncomfortable that adjustment has been. I’ve also had some wicked insomnia of late, and there are other environmental noises that aren’t aggravating or malicious but also don’t represent such a marked improvement over what I had before.
Another factor—I live 25 miles from work, and the head boss in my small office will be retiring by January 2023. I might get the top job, or someone who I refuse to work for again might get it, so I don’t necessarily want to buy a new home until I see how all that shakes out. If I got the top job, I’d move closer to work and stay put for 15ish years until retirement, but if not, then most comparable jobs in my market would be on the other side of town.
Another financial consideration and a small dream—if I paid off the mortgage in 8 years then I’d easily have money to maintain a the summer cabin I’ll be inheriting with my sister.
So my options are to 1. sell, 2. rent (as a property, it is a good rental and would cashflow even if I pulled out some equity), or 3. move back in, rely on earplugs and the expensive noise canceling headphones I impulsively ordered the other day, and play a long game of reporting her to the city and calling on my neighbors to witness incidents in progress for the purpose of getting her cited for violating noise ordinances, maybe taking her to small claims court ($10k limit), or possibly getting her charged with harassment.
I’ve been finding it really difficult to let go of the property, which is a bit silly because I have done practically nothing with it for the last eight years that I’ve lived there (I had it rented for nine years previously). It’s home, but not a home I love.
Anyway, as you can see, I’ve built this scaffolding of thought. I have been changing my mind three times a day, basically, so I really have no idea where to land. Plus, I’m just effing tired.
What do you all think?
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