How am I okay right now?

Are you attempting suicide? 988 is the number to the National Suicide Lifeline.

If you’re not suicidal, then why the fuck are you exceeding the maximum dosages? I understand that you’re suffering from a lot of shit in your past and present, but torturing yourself isn’t going to fix a damn thing.

You can build a tolerance to things over time.

It was intentional.

But I havent taken benadryl in a loong time

Please get help @SergeantQueen. The world is a better place with you in it. As someone who’s been in a dark place myself and made it through to the other side, I can say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

“How am I okay right now?”

You(r body), bit by bit, builds up a toleration for alcohol and meds.
You’ll need more and more to drown your sorrows.
If it was me I would take well meant advice at heart, and seek help.

Toleration Tolerance.

You aren’t okay. Your boss is going to fire you before long for coming into work like that and you really need to get into a rehabilitation program.
We have all told you this before, but you don’t seem to realize how sick you really are.

The Benedryl alone would have knocked me out but I’m not a drinker.
Are you sick or why did you do that?

Not everything that could kill you will kill you every time. Sounds like you have a high tolerance for alcohol and your central nervous system was able to stay online enough for you to survive it.

I question that you’re “ok”. That was majorly dangerous. Why did you do it?

NOTHING that you’ve said makes me think “she’s OK right now”!!! Sadly, In the 4–½ years that I’ve been on Fluther, I’ve watched you go from a couple of mixed drinks a night to waking up at 6am & downing a bottle of sleeping pills with a half bottle of booze & thinking that it’s OK to go to work in such a condition. You’re sooo fucked up that you “think” that you are functioning…you’re NOT!!! I’ve also watched your friends go from telling you the truth to tiptoeing around you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings!!!

The truth is that you’re one fucked up puppy who doesn’t want anything better for yourself. YOU are the ONLY one who can repair your life & you don’t even try!!! You’ll be lucky IF you make it to 25 & I’d lay odds that you’ll be dead before Christmas!!! You’re setting yourself up for a hard life for as long as it lasts. It’s your life…

You’re not OK. The booze is killing you. Only when you acknowledge that fact can you even start to be OK. I’m wishing you the best but there isn’t much I can do for you over here. You have to ask for help.

You’re ok because you’re young and your body is strong. Your body is going to get to a point where it can’t take this any more.

People I used to hang out with, who were heavy partyers, and smokers, used to say, as a way of excusing their behavior, “Oh, well, gotta die of something.” Yes, we will all die of something, but when you drink a lot and do whatever else, you’re dying a slow death. I’ve said it before, on here, the majority of people I used to hang out with, who were older than me, most of them are either dead now (of overdose or liver problems), or are totally 100% sober and attend AA.

That’s like 6 times the adult dose of Benadryl on top of say the equivalent of 7 or 8 drinks. I hope you meant “unintentional” if you did this on purpose you obviously need counseling. I hope you get it. You’re young, nothing you face now will last except the damage you do to your body.
It’s totally possible to be “fine-ish” the next day after a binge on 6 drinks or so but I would not think after 8 and an OD on Benadryl. I’m totally worthless the next day after one regular 50mg adult dose of Benadryl alone.

I meant how did I survive

^^ It is surprising.

@SergeantQueen: I think I answered it when I said “because you’re young and your body is strong” or something along those lines. When you’re in your 40’s and guzzling Benadryl and alcohol, you might not survive (as per my examples in my comment).

Not the same circumstances, but my answers were: a) I am not my body and b) I’m not the one driving the bus. If you get curious enough about your observations along those lines, then you’ll find your way out.

It breaks my heart to hear you say that…

Doesnt make me feel good either but. I dont know.

What if you got a fresh start somewhere else? I know how much you love nature. Why not go to a small town somewhere beautiful like Montana? Take a job where you get to be outdoors?

i have no money, no car, no license.

I am drinking tea tonight. Only because I am not sure drinking so soon is a good idea.

@SergeantQueen Tea is good, hopefully caffeine free so you hydrate.
Don’t make me come get you and bring you to the country to detox. I have an empty guest room and rope. Lol.

I have something to share with you. I don’t know how to link threads, but this came from: Guys, I have some sad news to share. Asked by ANef_is_Enuf January 12th, 2019

Here’s what you wrote: We really do honestly need to live each day to our fullest, like it’s our last. Look at what she posted, on a thread that was asking what we would do differently if we knew when/how we would die.
Anyone who posted on that thread (even if you didn’t, anyone reading this at all), don’t wait to do those things. Live your life now, as if you already knew when/how you are going to die, as dark as that is.
I’m signing off for now, my PMs are open if I can be of any help at all.

You wrote that in 2019, and it got 8 GAs.

Why not give yourself a break and live your own advice. You’ve got nothing to lose except the misery you’re in now. Isn’t it worth a shot? I’m not going to say, “Aren’t you worth a shot?” because I know what my response was when I was in your shoes…“Fuck no I’m not worth it!” I’ve said that so many times!

But I was finally miserable enough to be willing to try anything to stop hurting, to stop contributing to the pain that was already there by trying to drink and drug it away. I blindly trusted some people who gave a shit about me and who claimed I was worth it. They said that if I didn’t believe it, then believe in them. Yeah, it took some time and therapy, but today I believe I was and am worth it.

The day I decided to actually stop without being forced to was a day I woke up crying. I was actually crying in my sleep! That’s how miserable I was – I didn’t want to wake up and face yet another day where I had to drink to try to feel somewhat normal. The other day that I really remember was sometime in the future and I was in my therapist’s office. I started crying because it was such a beautiful fucking Spring day outside and I felt alive. The beauty was simply amazing! I was clear-headed enough to truly enjoy and appreciate it. I was glad I hadn’t succeeded at suicide and had never thought that would be true. My therapist cried too.

None of us can make you stop. Sadly, none of us can even make you want to stop. It all comes from you. So I’ll tell you what many others told me, “Dammit!! You are worth it!”

And when you get to the other side of this, you’ll believe it too.

thank you

Is the pain/discomfort I feel in my lower stomach and the weird feeling in my heart psychosomatic?

My lower stomach feels weird all the time but sometimes I feel my heart beating and it hurts.
I also constantly feel like throwing up after eating and am still constantly thirsty.

@smudges, here’s the link you wanted:

https://www.fluther.com/212020/guys-i-have-some-sad-news-to-share/

Good for you for finding it. The whole thread is worth revisiting.

@SergeantQueen You should be checked by a doctor. Thirst could be from being dehydrated (from the drinking), or it could be diabetes, or something else. The other symptoms, too, really should be checked out.

@Jeruba Well you’re the one who gave me the link, so thank you! ;)

@SergeantQueen I’d suggest seeing your doc about the physical probs. But it is possible that’s it’s psychosomatic. One of the times I was in a psych hospital the music therapist asked the group what we felt and where we felt it. I said I felt a big empty hole, right in my lower stomach. It’s gone now, btw. But yeah, see someone…it could be your liver or kidneys, maybe gall bladder. Who knows?!