My girlfriend has been cheating on me for 18 months and I've just found out, what do I do ?

IMHO, the ONLY thing that complicates this is your son. If not for that, the answer is that you break up with her. Did you notice how she’s trying to blame YOU for her cheating? It’s YOUR FAULT that you haven’t been paying attention to her. That’s a pretty clear sign that she does not feel about you how you feel about her. She’s probably been cheating alot longer than you know.

So you break up with her. NOW. You said she’s your ‘girlfriend’ not your wife. After 7 years and with a kid, you didn’t marry? That works out great as it turned out because you have an easier path to leaving her.

You’ll probably be tempted to stay for the kid. You probably shouldn’t be. Stay in the kid’s life. Work out shared custody. Be active and engaged with him. Be a good Dad. But you CAN be a good Dad and leave her. Separated families aren’t that uncommon anymore.

Know that if you stay…she’ll do it again. You won’t change her. She doesn’t even accept blame for her actions. That shows the kind of person she is. The unhappy household this will produce will be worse for the kid than a happier divided one.

You have a couple choices:

1. End the relationship. Your only concern then is child custody/shared visitation with your son.

2. Couples counseling on how to open your relationship. That would involve setting mutual boundaries and also getting away from blame assignment.

Run! Don’t look back! Find someone who likes being around you.

She’ll continue to cheat on you. Did you suspect this beforehand and that’s why you went through her phone, call her at work? If so I understand, if not then you’re kinda in the wrong and likely pushed her away. Her mom knew about the affair with an older person? That’s some trashy behavior there.

Iwould suggest couples counseling if you want to stay with her and your son.

The reason why I called her at work was because I was putting our son to bed and he wanted to call her to say night. Nothing to do with being controlling. Yes I shouldn’t of gone through her phone but I knew something was going on and I had to put my mind at rest. I’m glad I did see what’s been going on otherwise it would still be happening.

@mattsheppard71 You are not wrong for your discovery. You are a hurting lover. You sound like a loving father. I also suggest you calmly tell your girlfriend you know and that you want couple’s counseling.

Next relationship don’t be going through phones that don’t belong to you.

You must be desperate to bring a question like that to a place like this.

A “girlfriend” of 7 years – with a 4 year old son ?

It’s clear that you’re confused and your feelings are truly hurt. I don’t mean to be cynical, but it sounds like this relationship has obviously had unresolved issues for some time. “Cheating” doesn’t go on when partners really understand each other’s expectations and respect their needs. I think I know something about this from my own life.

These problems happen most often when communication and trust fail. Usually there’s some blindness and dishonesty on both sides.You can try to repair the damage with the kind of counseling others have suggested, but personally I’m not optimistic.

My best suggestion is to accept that whatever you thought you had is over, make the break as painless as possible, and get on with the next phase of your life.

I don’t see how you could possibly have a relationship with this woman after she has cheated on you. Your son is another matter that you will want to be in his life for as long as possible. You and her will need to figure out how to accomplish the that. I can’t begin to know how this works when the two of you aren’t even married, but I’m sure there are professionals who do.

You’ve got a 4 year old son, why are you going out with friends on a regular basis? Once-in-a-while is healthy to keep your sanity, but fuck, that’s your son?!?! And why wouldn’t you be together when you had some free time?

The relationship is over. Time to figure out the damage control plan on your son’s childhood and future.

You don’t need a cheater. Time for you to find a new GF.

Your relationship is a seven year investment and a child. I don’t agree with the advice of “if not for the child I say leave.” You two have to talk. If she felt ignored did she let you know that. Maybe you two do love each other but need to work on communication. I can’t give you advice other than listen to your heart. Seven years should not be just tossed aside unless you can determine it is the only way for you to move forward…..move forward you will, with or without her…..it’s up to the two of you. Your child has an advantage by living with you both….that is valuable.

@SnipSnip I agree.

Thanks @janbb