Is it true, in your experience, that no good deed goes unpunished?

I would not subscribe to such a statement. It’s a bitterly ironic expression of disappointment but by no means a global rule.

However, it is certainly true that good intentions can go awry and kind deeds can backfire. What happened to you?

Um, no, not except in certain circumstances.

What does come immediately to mind, however, was repeatedly experiencing that “no zero-credit extra school participation goes without last-minute extra project requirements”! That happened to me three times: I was interested in a school subject, and was invited to sit in on a class, or even generate a non-existent seminar or role that would have no credit nor requirements, but then, near the end of the quarter, the teachers involved suddenly decided to unilaterally impose serious requirements!

But in almost other cases, I have found good deeds to be appreciated, or at least, not punished.

But there are some people who have messy boundaries, who may invite you into messy situations, that might get dressed up as favors or good deeds, at first.

At work, this is a true statement.

Generally speaking, yes.

Generally speaking, honesty is always the best policy. BUT! Some things are better left unsaid!

No it’s not true in general. I’m sorry it’s true for you in this particular instance.

It’s not a rule, but it is often the case.

No, but unfortunately it does happen more often than I would like.

It definitely happens with my inlaws a lot. It’s not just me when I deal with them. My husband told me for years don’t go out of my way for them and if they have a bad reaction don’t let it get to me. He was right. I stopped “thinking about them” so much in terms of wanting help or include them. We still help, but I don’t go out of my way to the point of inconveniencing myself.

In the case you are describing, I don’t know exactly what happened, but a lot of people can’t handle information, especially if it goes against their current beliefs about a particular situation.

When my dad tries to give me lots of information I feel like he’s trying to manipulate me (he is). When other people do it in a similar way it’s like a trigger for me. I feel the same emotions and I just want them to stop. I generally seek more information about things, but how I’ll react just depends on the situation.

I know the expression and feeling well. When doing favors and doing good, focus on the single act and not the aftermath or outcome. When you do things for the single act you get the satisfaction of that action. Enjoy it, savor it, be rewarded in the giving and doing of it.
Try to not connect it with anything but that one action alone. Anything beyond that is a different ask or challenge.

I experienced this too a few months ago several times from one particularly troubled person.

He would ask me questions about things or how to do things and I’d oblige and then he would hate me for it.

Many times he’d ask questions and I’d begin explaining as best as I possibly could, trying different ways to figure out what I was doing wrong. He’d cut me off and get highly irritated and actually scold me.

The problem was I would try to fill in the prerequisites in order for him to be able to understand the answer. But he had no patience and no faith in me or himself. Then when I figured that out I changed my tune and would take a few seconds to think of a way of answering simply that was still accurate and true but short and sweet. But he wouldn’t get it. And not even about vague things. Like basic school knowledge. And he would just stare at me as if waiting for more and more and I’d give him more waiting for him to kinda grok it and he wouldn’t. But he wouldn’t get as frustrated as before, yet still visibly annoyed.

Then I finally figured out he what was going on with him.

First, he was asking these questions not because he was interested but as a way to be nice to me. Because he always did 90 percent of the talking. Then as soon as I started talking he’d get annoyed with me because he perceived me as trying to be smart. And he had a serious complex about not being smart. It was thick bordering on sheer paranoia about people thinking he was dumb. So no matter what I tried, even playing dumb, didn’t work and he kinda hated listening to me speak.

Then he’d ask me to help him out with things. Like making something or downloading stuff or whatever. And his mind would find a way to turn it into an offense or wrong. If we were building something he’d stop halfway and abandon it in frustration even though nothing was wrong with it because it had too much of my input. If I played dumb and not give any input and it didn’t work he’d try to blame me. If by a miracle it worked out like with getting him music and he liked it, then he’d get paranoid that the music selection was designed to offend him. Even though it would be a billboard list.

I struggle to understand this insanity and I eventually figured it out and it was a revelation about something which was happening not just with him but many other people.

Let me see if I can get this down.

Firstly, he actually hated me. Our friendship was one of convenience because there was no one else. So this concealed hatred, because it is suppressed, surfaces in strange ways. The reasons why he hated me are a few and quite specific but not important.

Secondly, he had been doing certain things out of that hatred consciously. For example, remember what I said about the music list. Well, one of the things he did quite a number of times before that is he would start singing or rapping as a way to taunt me when he was upset with me or offended by me. I’d accept it and let it go and he’d eventually come back around. So his paranoia of my music selection for him was a projection of his own ill intentions towards me in the way he was paranoid about. If that makes sense.

Another example is he’d go around telling people I was a bad mouther and he’d be paranoid about me bad mouthing him. This again was a projection because he was literally exactly that. Others eventually figured that out. But I believe it was both conscious sabotage out of some reason he justified in his mind, and also unconscious projection.

That’s not even half of it. But long story short I eventually found the nerve to start confronting him. At first when I did he would skillfully evade or turn it around. He had lots of ways. Even force through intimidation. Many underhanded tricks. But I persisted until one day I called him straight out on one of his underhanded threats. It was a threat about torture and rape and stuff. I suppose he folded internally and couldn’t think of a trick to pull and so got up and left and never came back. For a while after he’d leave artifacts for me to find as retaliation and more taunting but it seemed his steam had gone and shortly after it just was no more. When we occasionally crossed paths we’d just greet each other calmly.

Some people are just simply messed up and some of us are just not in a position to do anything about it because of our roles we fill in life.