What was Jesus like as a child?

There’s a hysterical book by Christopher Moore: Lamb: the Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Friend. It gives a glimpse into just a bit of Jesus as a child. The book made me laugh out loud.

He was just like any other boy anyone has ever known. Before and after puberty.

I think he was probably just a typical boy.

A rare photo of Jesus as a child.

According to the Bible, when he was 12, he and his family went to Jerusalem for the feast of passover. They traveled with friends and family. When they left, Mary and Joseph didn’t realize Jesus had stayed behind for a whole day of travel. When they went back they found him sitting in the temple listening to the teachers and asking them questions. The questions he was asking were well beyond even what his parents understood. They collected him and he went off with them, being obedient.

You can see this event and decide yourself what sort of child he was.

There are no primary sources and basically no good evidence that there was this Jesus character existing or doing anything.

Which means you can imagine or make up anything you like about “his childhood”.

And it came to pass that Jesus, the son of God, was not always the humble and obedient child that history remembers. In his youth, he was known to be rebellious and prone to using his divine powers for his own pleasure.

One day, when his parents were out, Jesus came upon a bottle of water in the kitchen. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he whispered a prayer and the water transformed into a rich, red wine. And so, Jesus got drunk on his own creation, stumbling about the house and singing loudly.

But that was not the only time Jesus used his powers to defy his parents. On another occasion, he found a slaughtered chicken in the kitchen and, with a wave of his hand, he resurrected it. His parents were terrified at the sight of the chicken rising from the dead and scolded Jesus for using his powers in such a way.

But Jesus did not listen. He continued to use his powers for his own amusement, causing storms to rage and turning stones into bread to satisfy his hunger. Finally, his parents had had enough and sent him away to be taught by the wise men, hoping that they could teach him the importance of using his powers for good.

And so, Jesus learned to use his powers wisely and became the savior that we remember today. But the tales of his rebellious childhood were never forgotten, serving as a reminder that even the son of God was not immune to temptation.

LOLL!!

It was a bright and sunny day when Jesus and his little brother, Abraham, went out to sea on their fishing boat. As they drifted further and further from shore, Jesus began to feel a sense of anger towards his younger brother.

Abraham had always been possessive of his toys and refused to let Jesus play with them. And so, Jesus plotted to rid himself of his pesky sibling.

With a sly grin, he stepped off the boat and began to walk on the surface of the water, beckoning to Abraham to follow. The little boy, in awe of Jesus’s powers, eagerly stepped off the boat and tried to mimic his brother’s steps.

But alas, Abraham could not swim and before he knew it, he had slipped beneath the waves. Jesus watched with satisfaction as his younger brother drowned before his very eyes.

Feeling no guilt or remorse, Jesus used his gaslighting powers to convince his parents that they had never had a second son. And so, Abraham was erased from memory, as if he had never existed at all.

As Jesus grew older, he found himself getting angry at the smallest of things. One day, as he was walking through a field, he came upon a fig tree that was not bearing any fruit. The sight of the barren tree filled him with rage, reminding him of his brother’s refusal to share his toys. In a fit of anger, Jesus cursed the tree, causing it to wither and die.

But as he reflected on his actions, Jesus realized that he needed to channel his anger in a more productive way. And so, he came up with the commandment for a rich person to give away all his wealth, rationalizing that if is brother had shared his toys with him, he would still be alive.

And thus, the commandment was born, a testament to the deadly consequences of greed and selfishness.

Oh Geez @Raggy.

And it came to pass that the Pharisees brought before Jesus a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. But Jesus was not concerned with her sin, for he knew the truth of the matter.

For he was the woman’s pimp, and she owed him a great sum of money. And so, he set up the situation where she was almost killed, hoping to coerce her into paying what she owed.

Jesus, being sly and cunning, responded by saying, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And the Pharisees, feeling guilty for their own sins, slowly began to leave.

Finally, only Jesus and the woman remained. And Jesus said to her, “Render unto me which is mine, and I shall spare your life. For I am a just and fair God, and I expect all my debts to be paid in full.”

And the woman, fearing for her life, paid Jesus all that she owed. And Jesus, satisfied, said to her, “Go, and from now on sin no more. But remember, always render unto god which is god’s.”

Where’d she get the money @ragingloli?

Embezzlement.

From where?

From Jesus’ prostitution business. She withheld all the income she made.

And Jesus didn’t notice that??

That she made. You can not expect Jesus to climb into beds himself. He has an image to uphold.

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!304 AD was closer to the life of Jesus, so they may have had dome information that we’ve lost since then:
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Just a regular child probably. Realize, Jesus wasn’t divine. He was just a kook religious cult leader who by sheer chance inspired a follower that aggressively spread his cult in Greece enough that Constantine eventually took up the banner and it thus spread with the Roman Empire.

It was really Paul of Tarsus that made Jesus a big deal. Otherwise, he would have died as just another in a long line of forgettable cult leaders in a time in Israel when everyone was looking for a religious message.

And it came to pass that Jesus, in his late teens, did fall in love with a Roman centurion. Though their love was forbidden, they could not resist each other. And through the twisted demi-god biology that was within Jesus, he became pregnant with the centurion’s child.

When his parents learned of this abominable act, they were disgusted and outraged. They could not bear the thought of their son, a man, being pregnant. So they cast him out of their house, condemning him for his sins.

Jesus, heartbroken and alone, gave birth to the child. But he knew he could not keep it, for he had sinned and his actions would bring shame upon him. So he used his magic to turn the child’s body into bread, and his blood into wine. And he ate and drank it, hoping to cover up his sins and erase any trace of the child.

And so it was that the tradition of the Catholic Church was born, with the wafers and wine being called the body and blood of Jesus. For it was in this moment of desperation and sin that Jesus found a way to redeem himself, and to offer salvation to all who partake in the holy sacraments. Amen.

Lots of people regularly say that either he probably didn’t exist or definitely did not. I disagree.

First to answer the question, the only thing I know of his childhood is what seawulf575 pointed out in their answer. He was lost from his parents and was found some day later in the temple in some kind of discussion with priests or whatever they were and to the amazement of the priests.

Regardless of whether this is true or not, what is certain to both myself and many people is that somebody is responsible for the teachings of Jesus and they have a high degree of truth and wisdom and are consistent with what is known and taught in other traditions. There are other aspects to the life story of Jesus that make one conclude that either the narrative was authored by somebody or some people who knew the truth of life and existence or he was simply real.

It’s not that unlike the conspiracy of the moon landings. At a certain point you realize it’s just simpler and easier and much more likely that men did walk on the moon. It just seems much more likely that Jesus was an actual person and the account of his life and teachings were both real and true.

I settled this question for myself when I discovered the book of thomas and read it. I had goosebumps and what is written in there confirmed for me that he was real and very much true. Still there are even spiritual teachers today who I respect who say that they don’t believe he existed or don’t like talking about him.

In the end, the important thing is not the historical accuracy of his life which has certain problems in verifying given how much has been said and written about him. But what is important is the accuracy and truth of the teachings.

Even if it were proven that not only was Jesus not real, but that the entire narrative and teachings were made up by somebody for false ulterior motives. If that happened I would marvel at it and consider it a miracle in itself.

Christianity and the narrative of Jesus was my first introduction to spiritual ideas from childhood as a religion which I no longer identify with. And I still remain true to it even when spiritual teachers I follow say otherwise because in life I have come to the painful recognition that you should trust your own senses and perception and understanding before anybody elses.