How can I deal with a bad friend in an otherwise good friend group?
I have a friend who hurt me deeply. Long story short, she turned on me when I needed her the most because she was worried that helping me would affect her “reputation”. It was a painful experience to me because I had put so much trust in her before the incident. Worse still, she doesn’t think she has done anything wrong and is now acting like nothing has happened.
If it was just me and her, it would have been an instant separation. The problem is that she and I belong to the same group of friends. I really like this group and they are genuinely nice people to me. Everyone knows about what happened between her and me, but not the extend of my pain. They would want us to put the incident behind and become friends again since she and I still have good memory together and she isn’t an inherently bad person (she has a very simplistic view of life and was going through some difficulty at the time of the incident), plus the incident was many months ago.
My problem is that I just can’t put what between her and me behind no matter how hard I try. My basic standard for a friend is someone who can be with me during hard time, and she just violated that standard. I just can’t accept someone who violates the bare minimum requirement for a good friend. I don’t care how happy we used to be, and how long ago the incident was. All I know is that on that day she hurt me deeply, I can still feel the hurt and I don’t think I will ever forgive her for that. I really just don’t want to drag out something that happened months ago, but I just can’t emotionally.
How can I deal with this situation?
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6 Answers
Keep the friends that you like. Just stop being a close friend with the one who betrayed you. When you run into her with your other friends, be polite…you don’t have to take her into your confidence. Act like nothing is wrong…just choose to no longer confide in her. She will eventually betray the other friends & no longer be part of that group. You should NOT give up the friends that you like in order to no longer be friends with the traitor!!! When all of you are together, you can choose to spend most of the time with the other girls. None of the others will pay attention. The one you no longer trust may well notice & she will know why so she won’t make a big deal about it.
When you’re not around the friends you like, you don’t need to spend any time with her. If she calls asking to hang out together, just say you have something else to do. You can cut her out of YOUR life without cutting her out of your other friends lives. Time will take care of most of it!!!
@LadyMarissa Thank you for the advice. I have no longer considered her a worth person to confine into. I have stopped talking to her privately and our only interaction these days is through public messaging in our chat group. It’s not like she wants to meet me privately anyway. She is consumed with her own social life.
My problem is that I feel like I’m not doing enough. Whenever I think about that incident I’m filled with resentment. I just want her to disappear. She gave me trust issue and some deep trauma and now she is living her life totally oblivion to it all and still thinks she’s the main character. I’m trying hard to hang on to my good friends without her. It’s just that I’m still have so much to deal with emotionally.
@Mimishu1995 Obviously, you’re not going to get any help with healing from her. She is who she is. If it is still really traumatic for you, maybe see if some counseling is available to you. Also, you might try to get together with some of the other friends one on one if being in the whole group with her included is too hard for you.
@janbb yeah, I hope to find a good way to deal with my emotion. It happened months ago but it really affects me for some reason.
She isn’t the most popular person in our group anyway. Since the day of the incident people have started to notice that she has problems with scheduling and often drops out of hangout in the last minute. Scheduling time with her has been difficult these days.
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