In your experience, do most people play mind games?

I think I am honest to a fault. I get in trouble for saying things without thinking of ways that I should maybe not say things to make people angry. I don’t like to make stuff up so I say stuff the way I see it. I know that may be kinda dumb sometimes but that is just how I am.

In my experience, most people don’t behave like this. I come from a family where all those behaviors are the norm, and I realized, after far too long, that I tended to drift toward the familiar. At some point I realized that most of the other people I knew were actually kind and nice and honest, so I became more aware.
I finally walked away from all that, way later than I should have, but I am much happier now.

@RayaHope I have the same fault. People tell me so. What I’m talking about is the opposite of that. Deception and self-deception which is the opposite of honesty and sincerity.

@wearemiracles I know I hate when people do that. I don’t know how to take them or just from where they are coming from and that makes me feel uneasy. I would rather know someone for who they are NOT for who they want to be.

@RayaHope It’s just spooky that I asked this question and then a user on here starts playing mind games with me in private messages. Vaguely accusing me of something and then being subtly insulting while simultaneously gaslighting me by telling me that I’m reading too much into it and then evading by saying they have to leave and do something. It blows my mind. It’s like I’m cursed with it or something.

@wearemiracles I know that many of your answers are wordy, but that’s just because you have a lot to say. I get that way at times but I tend to run stuff together and not make much sense. Like I want to say a bunch of things and can’t quite put things in the right order.

No, most people do not. There are however many that do. I choose to not engage with those who do.

I don’t know where else to post this:

Psychological evasive maneuvers and gaslighting tactics.

1. Reframing / The turn around:

1.1. The fake compromise:

When a person is poking at or retaliating against you
in a subtle or sneaky way and you retaliate back, then
they seem to try to make up for it in a way which
demonstrates what they think it’s about. And what
they demonstrate is something false. This causes
you to either doubt your perception or feel guilt
or shame or regret. They have then successfully
turned the situation around, or re-framed the subtle
conflict in order to appear as the victim and you
the instigator.

eg 1. I am doing dishes. A certain person prone to
messing with other peoples heads is cleaning their
teeth everytime one of the dishes makes a soft clank.
At a certain point through the sheer consistency
and because you know that this person often
expresses irritation or scorn in that way, you do one of
two things.

1.1.1.a You confront it and ask why or tell them to stop
Outcome: You are crazy and abusing them.

1.1.1.b You retaliate and make the dishes clank louder.
Outcome: They seem to apologize by
re-framing. This is the skillful part.
To re-frame the situation they appear
melancholic and leave the room to give
you space but before doing so they
communicate in some way either with an
action or fake verbal exchange that they
think the reason you’re retaliating is because
you’re hungry and they only made
breakfast for themselves or finished the
bread or something like that.. They may ask
in an apologetic manner if you want
them to get some food from the store or
give you money for it or ask what you want
to eat.

eg 2. What about a more obvious example? Well
obvious is exactly what these people avoid. But they’re
not infallible. One day they are using one of the most
common subtle taunts which is to play certain perculiar
songs that hint at your flaws. You know this is true
because of many past instances. Because you catch
them smiling and looking at you. Because
you catch them passing hints with others or because
sometimes when they’re angry they’re not as subtle.

1.1.2.a You confront it:
You’re crazy and need a shrink.

1.1.2.b You you retaliate and play a song of your own.
They behave upset and in order to reframe
and evade with this evasive maneuver they
play the music soft in future as if they think
you’re retaliating because the music is too
loud and you have sensitive ears. They then
repeatedly and endlessly remind you in
how your ears are sensitive. If you are not
aware of what is going on, of this evasive
maneuver you may believe you are crazy
and feel allot of guilt and shame and
remorse. And then when they continue to
do it you associate the painful feeling inside
from their taunt with something mysterious
like mental illness or a demon in your head.
They almost certainly will regularly either
hint or express outright that you have mental
disorders and its affecting them.

They may have many many way of taunting
you and the most skillful will be able
to turn it around without an argument or fight

1.2. The victim of silence:

At some point you figure out there is no solution to
the above except to not react. You become very
quiet and minimize your activity. You go into seclusion
in an attempt to avoid as many instances of this kind
of thing. The person then switches tactics.

This involves them constantly appearing to reach out
to you and then appear upset. They may find any way
to communicate to you that you are sulking or being
selfish. Not wanting to have anything to do with them.
Neglecting them. Etc. This can be very persistent.
They are casually and easily re-framing the situation
to make themselves the victim and you a silent abuser.

1.3. The wolf revealed:

Whilst performing 1.2 the victim of silence, they
intermittently attack when you appear weak. This
weakness may be anything. It could be you having
a conflict with another person. It could be sleep
deprivation. You being too distracted because you’re
busy or entertaining yourself like listening to music.

When this happens they perform any one of their
taunts. You may only be pretending to be distracted
but actually paying primary attention to them without
showing it and you catch them looking at you and
smiling. Or you hear them making their taunts loud
because they think the music is in your ears
as usual when infact nothing is playing. Or they may
position themselves so that you can see them doing it.
They may also position themselves to show you theyre
watching you to make you uncomfortable. And they
delighted often.

1.4. The evasive wolf:

You watch and wait for them to turn so that when
they look back at you you are looking at them and
you catch them smiling while doing their taunt.
The wolf then either evades by running away and
getting lost or they if you are more forceful they
they may even nervously move in order to intimidate
you.

Not all are wolves. That is the more conscious form
of it. Some have wolves inside their heads leading
them unaware. They may go back to reframing
with the classic “if that’s what you think then thats
what I’ll give you”. This is a common way
the wolf hides.

In all of this the mind of the wolf is deceiving itself with different
rationalizations. Excuses or justifications as to why they are doing these things. They are not actual psychos. The mind is always justifying itself. There are many other tactics that I will describe that are used in this regard including totally obscuring everything when the truth starts to poke its head in the mind of the abuser. Self-deception tactics. Lots of reframing. But I’ll get to it.

Ignore everything I said it’s not as it seems

@wearemiracles {{hugs}}

Some, yes. Most, no.

Last night I was with family for a short bit but had to leave early. At first me and my father were doing well and seemed like there was no conflict, maybe for the sake of Christmas eve. I finally managed to get some sleep. I have been sleep deprived because of work upstairs in the night (long story). But things are looking well with me and my father as we get ready to visit mum for Christmas eve. Then my father sees someone from our past that is very awkward for him. And although I don’t lose hope, in just minutes the mind games start again.

It carries on for hours as if I’ve done something wrong to him. Actually, I pulled out of a t-junction a little quickly. That’s exactly when it started and was the rationalization. But the real reason is his own embarrassment and guilt because of the person we ran into. It’s a kind of unconscious misdirection.

When we get to my mothers place it’s still going on. We watch a movie which is one of the most uncomfortable things to do with them and him because their minds are always busy and the games are going on even during a film. Much as I love movies. I am totally exhausted afterwards. Holding my composure, heart beating, managing it with what I’ve learned about breath work and composure and stuff, being neutral, as usual but she notices something so she eventually seems to get upset with me. Because she thinks its because of her. I found out the day before that she blocked me and brought it up but she avoided it and pretended it was a mystery problem with my phone. So I guess last night she thought I was upset with her about that. It’s not the first time she blocked me and others so I’m not upset about it at that point. No matter how well I try to hide the feelings, I can’t because it’s anxiety more than anything. It’s hard to hide. Trust me.

So because I’m not super happy she starts messing with me too. My niece who they have all but adopted isn’t messing with me. She is being very kind for some reason, maybe cos she’s happy. Or she feels guilty about joining them in the past and is becoming old enough to understand things. I suck it up and leave early.

Today I spend Christmas alone even though I’ve been invited, but I want to avoid family and the mind games. I very clearly told my father last night that I wont be attending because I want to avoid my uncle (his brother) because he gets inside my head. He says “oh man **** is just an innocent person. He got no family or friends”. Ironic. Since I have no friends and family who seem to want me dead or out of the city. And by that I mean both my parents have taken shots at me several times, as recently as a week ago, about suicide. And not in a kind way. Believe what you want it’s true.

So my dad and uncle come by after church and my uncle lets loose on me while wearing his mask of civility. He is a total wolf. I’ve lived with him before. The entire time he is talking to me, from when they walk in to when they leave, and being very deliberately taunting, insulting, and threatening. I even try to avoid it knowing it’s just temporary and play along playing dumb. But he is taunting, insulting and threatening me because of a heated argument I had with my father a year ago and it’s the first time I’m seeing my uncle since that time so he’s been waiting that long to let me have a piece of his sick mind. One of the taunts he has designed happens to consist of a tragic incident that happened where a few people died and suffered severe injuries. I can’t explain it without revealing my location. But trust me if I did, you would feel sick. You just have to trust me. I can’t explain the taunt. But there are a couple others that follow. My father is shuffling around or standing and watching trying to act like Switzerland but I know how he feels. It reaches a point were my uncle is standing over me, my heart pounding through my chest and neck and by this point I’ve given up playing dumb and am staring up at him in the eyes refusing to be his victim. Now I’m trying to answer him back but I’m not as witty and every time I do they both laugh. When they’re satisfied they leave and say bye as if nothing was going on.

I get to work using the mild personal calamity to sink deeper into my being or whatever and out of my mind and thinking. I can say in perfect honesty I had a disturbing dream last night about this incident to come. Its not the first time. The incident worked wonders. I had an incredible breakthrough today. Another overwhelming heart opening experience. Not the most intense but the most loving and magical. Best christmas gift I could ever ask for. I feel on top of the world despite the anticipation of the inevitable turmoil to come later. What a rollercoaster.