Is there someone you still want to talk to even though they may not want to talk to you?

How do you know they don’t want to talk unless you offer them the choice? They may be thinking they’d like to talk to you but figure you don’t want to talk to them.

If someone makes it clear that they don’t want to talk to me, then I respect that. If the conversation just falls off and a “don’t talk to me again” is never said, then I think it’s totally reasonable to reengage with them.

I hate to go in to this but there are two people I had a history with, but I try not to even think about, because it seems like a betrayal of my wife. Long story but now in a blue moon I still think about them and wonder what happened, if they ever found love and a stable relationship. I’ve even thought about looking them up on Facebook, but then I think better of it. Just nostalgia I suppose. Maybe all of us think about old flames from time to time. Maybe I need to blow this place, people always ask questions that make me think about the past. Oh well. And maybe it’s for the best. I ran into a woman I used to have a thing with at a store once and we talked a bit while I walked her to her car. But she seems like she was still holding a grudge from over 40 years ago. Some people need to get over shit. Should have acted like I didn’t recognize her and moved on but she smiled when she saw me so I figured it would be cool. Oh well.

Such a slippery slope here. I respect their choice.

There are a couple people from my 8th Step amends list I have been unable to track down. And one I have been reluctant to reach out to because we last had a very bad conversation about my drinking, 42 years ago.

And I follow the dictate: “made direct amends whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others”

If, I’m sure (for whatever reason) that they don’t want to talk to me, I give them their space & WAIT until they contact me. IF that’s forever…so be it. IF it’s tomorrow…so be it. Then again, sometimes it is easier to RESPECT their wishes than it is to pursue someone who just does NOT care for you!!! People WILL use you IF given the opportunity, so WHY give anyone the opportunity to use you???

There was a saying frequently spouted back when I was about your age…If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. If not, it never was!!! I ALWAYS used that in my relationships with BOTH “just friends” as well as with lovers & it has served me well the majority of my life!!! It’s NOT always easy to let friends go; but after a little while, it becomes less worrisome as you make NEW friends & you don’t miss them near as bad!!!

@LadyMarissa Great saying. Used to live by that when I was trying to weasel out a relationship that was getting to deep. They should have added that at times they come like a boomerang. Regardless of how magnanamous you are trying to be.

I was NEVER trying to be magnanimous…usually just trying to STOP the grief that came with the anguish!!! You can’t MAKE someone care for you, so it is MUCH easier to no longer “need” them!!! Once you no longer “need” them, you open yourself up to someone who can care for you & loves that you care for them in return!!!

Good advice @LadyMarissa

https://youtu.be/PQt7CXkWjtU Ask him to listen to this @RayaHope If that doesn’t melt him nothing will..Just don’t shoot the messenger if it back fires. ; )

Nope. People come and people go and when they go, its usually for the best. I try not to waste my time on what if’s or maybe’s. I always wish people the best and hope they changed for their own betterment but I learned long ago, that people rarely change enough to make a difference in your relationship. If anything, they sometimes get worse.

I had a friend who unfriended me on Facebook and ghosted me. She and her husband have two children that my daughter was friends with. We used to visit them frequently and I’d hang out with the parents, and my daughter would hang out with the two kids (a boy and a girl). We had mutual friends and we were all friends on Facebook, too. This woman unfriended me one day, about five years ago, and because we had not had any bad interaction, and I felt it must have been a mistake, I called her and asked if I did something to offend her, because if so, I wanted to rectify it. She said it was a mistake, and she friended me again. Then shortly after that, she unfriended me a second time. I didn’t try to contact her again. She also unfriended the other couple that are mutual friends, for no apparent reason. They (my other friends) have run into the husband a few times in the local supermarket, and all is well, but he says his wife is nuts and their marriage is barely holding on.

My daughter often says she wonders about the two kids and when we used to go to her orthodontist, this couple’s house was on the way home. I used to say one day I was going to stop there and just say hi, mainly so my daughter could see the kids. I don’t know if I ever will. What really makes me sad is that the kids were good friends, and because the mother is nuts and volatile, the kids can no longer see each other.

@jca2 That is the worst thing that your kids can’t see their friends. Too bad that other lady don’t think about that. To self-centered or maybe she is not right in the head. :(

A good friend I had for over 25 years ghosted me last year because they were contacting too much and I asked for some space. It hurt a lot.

There are still a couple of people that believe that I did a bad thing years ago, and I would like to tell them who the real bad guy was.

No, because I don’t harass people.

Not anymore. I lost a friend a few years ago, and I was eager to repair our relationship for a long time. But one last situation finally pushed me far enough away that I was able to drop it…when I last saw her she said, with the coldest look I’ve ever seen, “I think we should meet up about once a year.” We’d been hanging out at least every other week when we were on good terms, and for her to spell out how little she wants to see me just did it.

I don’t miss her anymore. I do still think it’s a shame because our dogs were great friends. I hope she feels peaceful, at least.

@jca2 You’ve probably thought about this, with your background, but just to be sure – there’s no chance she’s being abused, right? Because isolating the victim and then calling them crazy is a classic abuse tactic.

@longgone That thought occurred to me but this woman (my former friend) frequently had conflicts with people over very minor things, where she would just be totally done being their friend. I do occasionally see things she posts on FB, (her MIL is a friend of mine) and she is socializing with other people, like going on camping trips and stuff.

The sad part is her kids are really nice kids. It’s sad for the kids to be cut off from people because the mother gets mad and ghosts people out of the blue.

@jca2 I see. Sounds like a very troubled person. I agree, that’s a shame for the kids to go through. Also, I hope they don’t emulate her later. Sounds like a lonely existence.

No. I learned a long time ago, that there is no closure, and no one deserves closure.
(People deserve to be informed. Once. But no one deserves closure).

@Kraigmo Why would you say that ”no one deserves closure”? Are we all suppose to just twist in the wind? Please explain.

Theoretically.

There are people I’d like to talk to and find closure with. But I don’t think that would ever happen in real life. We have had conversations in my dreams. And, as weird as that sounds, it’s given me some sense of closure.

@RayaHope , well people deserve to be informed (once) as to why the relationship of whatever sort is no longer. So I’m not a proponent of ghosting, at first.
But once someone knows they are no longer welcome in someone else’s life, they should just give up and move on without expecting any details or “knowing where we stand”, or any of that.