Do you have any friends or acquaintances in your life that, due to circumstances, you had a total change of opinion about?

When I was real young, I didn’t think my mom stood up for me when my dad abused me but I didn’t know what she was going through behind the scenes. When I was older I realized what she did to protect me much more than I ever known and I know now that she was my hero all along. I LOVE her so much!

Of course. That’s why I refuse to have friends today or associate with any family save for wife and kid. No need for that stuff.

My first year teaching I worked with a guy who seemed ok aside from a good dose of narcissism. Went dancing with him once and socialized with with him other staff. He later became a principal at another district and was convicted of fraud, harassment, and identity theft of several of his employees. Yikes!

Because of my age and the pandemic I no longer work nearly as hard at maintaining difficult friendships, so yeah, there’s been some attrition. I don’t have the energy to work so hard at it, and if people need me to “prove” myself in some way, they are just going to be disappointed.
I no longer overlook dramatic ideological differences, or chronic lateness, or a cavalier disregard of the health of others.

I am just an old curmudgeon anymore, and I like to spend my time in simpler and gentler pursuits.

Yeah, one who thought I should put him ahead of my wife.we fell out really fast then he developed Avery agressive form of cancer and wanted to see me before he died he hadn’t changed at all , he passed a few days later people were asking if I was going to the funeral and I said no and nothing else was ever said.

Sure. My friends have been very important to me all my life but especially now as I am single and my children live far away. I’ve had one or two close friends ghost me with no real explanation and it is very hurtful. I’ve had others whom I’ve realized will never be as close firends as I’d hoped they might be and I’ve had to adjust my expectations although they were not doing anything wrong. My three year roommate in college stopped speaking to me a few months before the end of school Junior year and i’ve never known why.

1) I had a co-worker who seemed like a decent but painfully shy guy. A little aspergers at times. Then one day, he resigns with no notice. A few months later, someone sees at article about his trial where he’s evidently been convicted of child pornography. Seems he was making trips to latin america and coming back with hard drives full of child porn and then distributing it on the internet. We were dumbfounded.

2) Growing up, there was a super-nice guy in the neighborhood. My family and theirs would sometimes go on trips together. He was great with the kids, liked by everyone, was the head of the HOA for a long time. Turns out, he was embezzling money from the HOA…and his company…and other places.

3) A couple of my best friends have always been a bit more conservative than me, and a bit more conspiracy minded. Not a problem, I’ve got conservative and liberal views, and I generally don’t have the ‘team’ mentality alot of people have in US politics. I think both parties are awful and their respective voters can’t see it because they live in echo chambers.

But it got exponentially worse when Trump took over the GOP. The influx of conspiracy nonsense became crazy and extreme to the point where it’s almost hard for me to understand them. They seem to subscribe to all of the conspiracies now. Anti-vax, 2020 steal, Lost Cause civil war, and more. I got pretty pissed off after 2020 and it strained our relationship. I have reconnected with them now, but I just chose to be silent and let them rant about some stuff that I was pretty startled at. It’s frustrating.

Can’t recall for sure but I probably have. I like to give people the benefit of doubt unless I have reason not to. I’m no snow white angel myself.

I have a weird situation. My brother is normal when talking to him about almost anything, even seems relatively smart about most subjects. Until you bring up politics or religion. Oh My Freaking God! Game over, he goes into crazy mode and I don’t even know him anymore. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

I have cut people from my life. Not because of a black or white judgement of them as being good or bad. But rather that their place in my life was creating more harm than good.

To answer the actual question, it’s less that my opinion changes. And more that my opinion expands. It still includes everything that happened before.

The scales may tip to one side or the other. But the process is additive. So I guess it depends on what you meant by change?

I can’t think of a very close friend that this has happened.

I did have one newish friend who I was building a friendship with that fits this Q. I would see her at zumba and also go to lunch with her or meet her dancing, and she went full on QAnon, anti-mask, anti-vaccine, during Trump and covid. I couldn’t be around her or engage with her on Facebook anymore, because she was so extreme, so outspoken, and a health risk. She wasn’t just a differing opinion, it was like she was screaming from the Facebook rooftops all sorts of misinformation and talking about rising up to fight.

I don’t hate her, and when I run into her I’m friendly, but I don’t call her anymore to get together. She was, and probably still is, destructive in more ways than one. I’m pretty sure she’s still brainwashed. I don’t think she really sees or understands who she’s consorting with. I’m still Facebook friends with her, but I had quieted seeing her posts back in 2020, and I wasn’t “liking” or commenting on any of her status updates, so I almost never see her stuff in my feed anymore.

Sad really. She messages me once in a blue moon. I think she would like to be friends again. I ran into her at the Chanukah celebration where we live this past December. She came up to me to say hi. She said she just happened to be there, I do think that’s true. Later that evening she tagged on photos from the event and some video of my dance troupe performing that she posted on Facebook.

I have a daughter who went through a severe trauma. Her personality made an abrupt change (she started to seek me out to start arguments). She recently started therapy, and it’s much better than it was. However I notice that even if I mention a mundane opinion on something, she will find a reason to disagree.

So many, yes. Many are users, not real friends.

I had a close friend like that. In the 70’s we were volunteers at a crisis intervention hotline. We were kindred spirits, both musicians, and we liked a lot of the same groups of the day, like Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Jethro Tull, and others. We had many road trips together and this one was to go to LA to find some studio work. We got to New Orleans and decided to stay a while. He left without me a few weeks later, only to show up about a year after I moved to Austin. He was in and out of town, always on the move. The last time I saw him was 1988. It was on “the Drag” in Austin. It was a nice day in Austin, not too hot. I saw him, we’ll call him Joey. He was panhandling (not even busking). I had recently become engaged, and I when I saw him I immediately wanted to share the news.
As I approached I said “Joey!”
He turned and said, “Hey, Strauss! How ya doin’?”
We greeted with a hug. I noticed he had sleeping gear and a rucksack.
“Where are you staying these days?” I asked.
“The sky is my ceiling, the wind my air conditioning!” He started to wax poetic.
I knew he was homeless; the wheels in my head started to turn…we had an extra room. I only had to convince the future Ms. S. that Joey, a friend I knew from my hometown, would be a good roommate for the short term.

I’d have to ask her, so I thought I’d tell him about her.

“Hey, Joey. Have you heard I’m engaged?”

“Yeah,” he replied. Then in a matter-fact way, he added,
“I heard you’re marrying some (insert n-word here) chick.”

I picked up my guitar and said, “Bye, Joey. Have a nice life!” And I moved on. Never saw him again, won’t break my heart if I don’t see him again.

@Strauss WOW! :(