Did you have a daddy and daughter dance where you went to school or where your kids went to school?

When I was growing up, we never had it.

In my daughter’s elementary school, they had it until someone complained, something about that it was a boy who was dressed as a girl or something and it became an issue. The school ended its involvement with it and now there is still the dance for fathers and girls but it’s not put on by the school, it’s off school grounds. That’s what it was – there could not be gender discrimination on public property, which is what a school is. They have to allow all genders to attend. So the dance is now held elsewhere and put on by the parent’teacher association or something like that.

I don’t remember anything like this when I was growing up.

Our kids have been going to these types of dances through the local parks and rec. It started off as a Father Daughter dance. They added a Mother Son dance. This year they just changed it to a Family Dance.

We didn’t have them when I went to school. If they had, my father would not have gone as he worked 3 jobs most of my school days.
On the outset, it seems like a bad idea. What about the girls that have no father or father figure? It seems to set them up to feel bad.

I was just researching in some local Facebook groups to be reminded of exactly what the issue was in our town. It was a big thing, this was 2018, lots of parents were mad. There was a dance which was not called a father daughter dance, it has another name, and they say that girls can attend with their guests, which might be a father, grandfather, uncle, whoever. There’s also a bowling event for moms and sons.

This was from the paper at the time of the heated meetings with the school board, in reference to the dance and the mom/son bowling event: I’m editing out some names – “the names have been changed to protect the innocent.” haha

According to ______’s (Principal’s) email, the district’s legal counsel ruled these events violated the district’s Dignity for All Students Act (DASA) Policy, which stems from a state law that went into effect in 2012 and “seeks to provide the state’s public elementary and secondary school students with a safe and supportive environment free from discrimination, intimidation, taunting, harassment, and bullying on school property, a school bus and/or at a school function.”

Later, in 2015, the state gave guidelines to school districts for creating a safe and supportive school environment for transgender and gender nonconforming students, which ______(Principal) said were used when determining whether these events violated the district’s DASA policy.

The guidelines, according to the state, are meant to ensure that every student has equal access to educational programs and prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex “in federally-funded education programs and activities.”

The guidelines give an example of a school district that had different color graduation gowns for boys and girls and switched to blue gowns for all graduates.

“Gender-based policies, rules and practices can have the effect of marginalizing, stigmatizing, stereotyping and excluding students, whether they are transgender or gender non conforming or not,” the guidelines state. “For these reasons, school districts should consult with their attorneys to review such policies, rules and practices and should eliminate any that do not serve a clear pedagogical purpose.”

________(Principal) said the school did not receive any legal challenge as to whether the _______ Ball and the bowling event violate these guidelines, but “questions were raised last winter regarding equity and access to these events.”

“With a deep commitment to making sure all children feel safe and accepted at their school and school events, the administration is working to modify these events to make them more inclusive for all students,” _______(Prinicipal) said. “We achieved equity and access for adults over the years. Now it was time to address the equity and inclusion that students are entitled to at school and school events.”

@jca2 Ok, wow. I wasn’t even thinking in terms of transgender. I have always been bothered by it for the reason @chyna gave, that not everyone has a father handy, and it’s odd to me to be so focused on which parent a child goes to a dance with.

How old are the children usually?

In my daughter’s school, it was the elementary kids – k through 6 grade.

@jca2 Every year? Every grade?

@JLeslie I just looked at the most recent flyer. It’s K to 6 and it occurs every winter.

Small, private girls’ school in the 60s in NJ.we had those, and as the youngest of three sisters I tended to borrow a dad for the events. Nobody cared. Sometimes all three of us borrowed other dads, because my dad was a good guy who would volunteer to be a dad if a girl didn’t have one.

@canidmajor Was it a religious school?

No

Seems like public, private, religious, it just varies and they all do it and don’t do it.

I would have guessed it was found more in religious schools, but that guess seems incorrect. It just rings of fathers giving away their daughter type of vibe, even though I danced with my dad as a little girl all the time and it wasn’t that vibe.

Are the girls dancing with their dads at the dance? Or, the girls wind up dancing with each other mostly?

We danced with our dads, and our friends’ dads, as I recall. It was over 50 years ago, I don’t remember a lot of details.

When my daughter was in fifth grade, the Girl Scouts had a father/daughter dance. In addition to the music and dancing they also had a few “fun” things to do, like cookie decorating.

At my daughter’s elementary school, my daughter went with my her grandfather. There is music, so they can dance together, but it seems mostly the girls hang out with each other and the dads/men hang out with each other, and there are fun things to do like ice cream sundae making and popcorn. The girls tend to dress up, although they don’t have to, and some wear dressy casual clothes, and the dads tend to dress up, although they don’t have to and some wear dressy casual clothes. I don’t think it’s creepy, it’s just billed as a fun night for girls with a man of their choice (father, grandfather, uncle, friend, whoever). There’s no hard and fast rule about who to dance with or giving away girls or anything like that. My daughter loved it and my stepfather was proud to be the chosen one to take her. It was a very popular event at the school and it is still a very popular event, even though it’s not held at the school or sponsored by the school any longer.

Yes.

No.

Thanks everyone.

No, we never had that in the 50’s in Denver. There was a high school senior prom, but in my school, there were 1,000 graduation seniors and only 100 went to the dance.