What would you do?

I feel like you handled it as best as you could.
If it does cause a rift, it’s not like you were really close anyway.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I know this isn’t part of your question, but have you tried to get on disability?
Maybe there are some programs out there that can help with your bills.
I hope your brother does the right thing and gives you the rest of what he promised you.

It sounds like you were very diplomatic with the way you dealt with it. Hopefully, your brother gives you an explanation as to why he had a change of heart.

@chyna has good suggestions with applying for Disability and also, look into Food Stamps (which are not called Food Stamps any more), and Medicaid and whatever other public programs are in your area. Also, look into Section 8, which will give you rental assistance, if your landlord accepts it.

All you did was communicate with your siblings reminding them of and agreement that they made with you. If that is causing an “irreparable family breach” then they wrong not you.

@chyna I’ve looked into disability, but I feel like I’m not quite to that point of qualifying for it. I don’t know what will happen in the future though because I am stage 4 kidney disease.

@jca2 I’ve looked into food stamps, but last time I checked, I would only qualify for about $20 a month. I could take it I guess but with prices today, it’s not going to make much difference. I am on Medicaid, which pretty much covers 100% of my medical bills and prescriptions, so that helps. But that creates another conundrum. If I do manage to find a full-time job doing something I can do, then obviously I would no longer qualify for Medicaid. And with all the doctors I have to see in all the prescriptions I’m on, even a reasonably good employer provided health insurance plan would still end up costing me a lot out of pocket. I am going to be looking into section 8, but I’m not sure how that works as far as where I can live. I don’t want to be too far from my job because one of my issues is my diabetic retinopathy which affects my eyesight. Right now I am very fortunate to only live about 2 miles away from my job.

@gondwanalon thanks. You would think so. The thing is, I still care about maintaining a relationship with my brother, but I just found out he might be moving to Texas so I don’t even know how much that would happen anyway. (We all live in Maryland right now.)

@LifeQuestioner You could talk to your present landlord about whether or not he would accept S8. There are advantages for landlord for receiving it (and disadvantages, too, of course). If you like living there, it might be worth a discussion. I didn’t realize from your original post that you are working. How much you make would determine whether or not you are eligible for S8 and if so, how much.

It’s good that you have a job. You could also look into moving into a cheaper place, if you needed to.

If you only received the check from your brother yesterday, hopefully he responds to your query in the next day or so. Maybe he has a great explanation or maybe he will still give you the money, so try not to get upset just yet.

I’d wait for a response before getting upset. Perhaps that was a tax limit of some kind and the rest will come next year? Plus you can use the text as a contract and take him to small claims for breach of contract, if the response is not acceptable.

I would not have done that, myself. He was already way more generous than required. I understand that you have concerns about covering your expenses, but this isn’t an effective strategy for achieving that goal. You need consistent, reliable income. Perhaps you could act as a caretaker for other folks who may need a companion?

@jca2 I am working, and making about $6000 over what is considered poverty level, so I would have to see if I qualify. As far as cheaper places, there are none anywhere near me. The only option would be to move into the city, which is definitely not safe.

@KNOWITALL that was my original understanding with him, that he was giving the maximum allowed amount this year, then sending us the balance next year. I would hate to take my family to court, even though I realize that might work. Hopefully it doesn’t have to come to that.

@gorillapaws I disagree. And even if his circumstances have changed, a note or a call from him being honest about why he wasn’t able to do what he originally said would have been the right thing to do on his part. Here is how I phrased my question to him…

Hi ____ I’m a bit condused. My understanding was that you all were going to send me the remaining balance next year. (I shared the screenshot at this point) Has something changed?” I am waiting to hear back.

You’re paying $1,800 a month in rent for a place thats not even in the city? That seems ridiculous.

@cheebdragon yeah. I live in Maryland, and housing (buying or renting) is really high.

I think if you already got your inheritance and he gave you much of what he said he was going to give you as an extra already, you are already far ahead and should be very grateful of what he has given you. Be thankful and please don’t cause any riff in your family because family is all you have.

@RayaHope thanks for sharing your thoughts, but family should be able to communicate about any misunderstandings they have. If you read my responses above, you’ll see that I approached the question as gently as possible.

An understanding between two people (family or otherwise) should be honored. If circumstances prevent that from happening, the person going back on their word should at least be honest about what is going on.

Is one of your siblings the executor or is it being handled by an attorney?

@LifeQuestioner I understand, but it was a kind gesture to give you extra money to help you out in the first place. Yes he could have let you know why it was not what he promised but really could you complain? I would be eternally grateful and move on but that’s just me.

@cheebdragon My sister was the executor. She volunteered to it and not take any funds…otherwise, the executor is entitled to a nice little sum.

@RayaHope I am grateful, but I still am trying to figure things out. There are things I need to buy, like a new mattress (mine is 20+ years old!) that I’m holding off on buying now because the expected money may not be coming.

I’m just going to add, that I think the family should be paying you to take care of mom.

@Zaku I thought the same and it’s likely why they are helping her out more than required. Or were.

@Zaku I felt the same way, but they did not. And I wasn’t not going to take care of my mom. @KNOWITALL maybe, but also because my brother had said at the time that they really didn’t need all the money and he wanted to help me and my one sister out. She is low income as well.

@LifeQuestioner I just want to acknowledge you for doing that, and share my perspective that they are taking advantage of you in that way.

Also,is it possible that your brother just made a mistake in subtracting six months’ rent worth, not realizing that had already been subtracted from the total?

Ugh! I had a whole long update on the situation that I had typed in, hit “send”, and it disappeared.

Brief summary for now…

Huge misunderstanding (due to my sister not letting me know she had a check from my brother) She says she thought she was supposed to void the check when my brother sent one out next year. My brother thought she was going to turn around and write me a check for that amount. (facepalm)

So..my sister will write me a check for the $11000, and the $2000 I got yesterday is a bit more my brother is sharing from a last remnant of the estate we had received this year.

@Zaku I’m afraid I was typing my response while you sent yours. Thank you for the acknowledgement. Yeah, they definitely took advantage for those four years, but, like I said, for me it was more about taking care of my mom than anything.

My sister was the one subtracting the rent from my total, but that was all done correctly. See my general response above to how everything worked out okay.

You basically have 2 options, you can just accept that your siblings kinda screwed you over on your inheritance, or you can contact a lawyer. If the relationship is already irreparably damaged, I’d go with the 2nd option. Family is very important, but the resentment over this is just going to fester until you feel like there’s been a fair resolution.

@cheebdragon I sent an update while you were typing yours, sorry. But I agree with what you were saying, although thankfully, I no longer have to worry about that as all is resolved.

Yay, glad it all worked out and you and your family are on the same page. :)

@KNOWITALL thanks, me too! But this is why lack of communication is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Great news for you!
Glad it was worked out.

@LifeQuestioner It’s very common in those high-stress situations, trust me. It’s happened several times in my family, too.

I will never forgive my grandma for selling the truck that my grandpa left me in his will. On the day of his funeral my mom asked me what I wanted to do with the truck and I told her I didn’t know yet, then I found out a week later that my grandma had sold the truck without my consent and I didn’t receive a cent from the sale. I loved that truck.
https://classics.autotrader.com/classic-cars/1972/chevrolet/c_k_truck/101868114

@cheendragon Same here, my auntie told me in front of her husband what I would inherit and he sold it after her death with no apologies. People get really weird.

@KNOWITALL About a year after she sold my truck she offered to sell me my grandpas 65 mustang for 25k but ended up selling it to someone else for 16k. Some people are just assholes.

@KNOWITALL I’ve definitely seen that over the past two years as we’ve been settling the estate. There’s just something about when loved ones die. You would think that people would act more loving towards each other but it’s often the exact opposite.

Did your mom have a will?

@LifeQuestioner Glad that it’s working out!

@Dutchess_III we all thought she had, her and my dad, but then we couldn’t find it anywhere in the house and they didn’t have a safe deposit box or whatever it’s called. We checked with the register of wills too, and there was nothing on record. I think it was one of those things that they had always talked about like, we need to get this done but then they never did do it and then my dad got sick and had to go on long-term care. And that point my mom was in the very early stages of dementia, so I don’t even think it occurred to her at that point to make a will.

This is a good reminder that if you own property or if you have children, you must have a Last Will and Testament. Don’t delay!