What should I say to my friend?

I would probably sound excited, and say something like “oh yeah, it sounds great! So exciting! Good ideas!” and then change the subject.

I would probably wish I could say “You know what? I’d like you to wait until you’ve actually done something, and then tell me about it.”

But I wouldn’t. Instead I would say something like “What do you see as the first three or four steps you would have to take to get started?”

Great ideas are a dime a dozen. What’s hard is actually following through with the grunt work.

I’d try to push him to action. Surely some of his ideas must have been feasible. Friends are supposed to bring out the best in each other. That could mean challenging him and inspiring him to finally take action. I love @Jeruba‘s suggestion about helping him think of the next few steps he needs to take to move his idea forward. She’s of course exactly correct that ideas are cheap and the hard part is doing the work.

SHUT UP friend.

Ask him to give a timeline for what he plans to do. Then when the time comes and goes, you can ask why he did not follow the timeline.

I think if he hasn’t started this by now he never will. 20 years is a long time, I’m not even that old! I’m sure things have changed since he first had this idea, would it even be feasible now?

I know from personal experience that there is no joy in crushing someone’s dream. Seeing that light in their eyes dim will only hurt them and make you feel shame. As a logical realist myself, it may be difficult to listen/watch but to others it may be all they have. Dreamers are a different breed.

My brother in law is like that. He’s forever writing a novel. I just let him talk about it.

When you actually start your business, let me know. That will do it.

I don’t know what you should tell your friend to get him to stop talking about his dream.
Whatever you do don’t be rude or sarcastic. Be kind. Be patient. Continue to act like a friend.

I like to encourage dreams and to keep them alive. With that being said 20 years is a long time to not act on it but I would hope that he would finally do it one day just not wait any longer before he runs out of time.

I have a dream I talk to my sister about sometimes. I always have plans made and can tell her in detail what they are. They change from one talk to the next. I have yet to follow through, but she has never challenged me. I think if she did it would just about break my heart. It would destroy some of the trust in and love I have for her. It would be like her just flat-out calling me a failure and I’d feel ashamed, as if I never deserved to have the dream come true in the first place.

If you love this friend and care about their feelings, just keep listening. It’s not really costing you anything, but it could cost them their dream or self-esteem. We all need a dream.

Thank for your responses, everyone. They have been helpful. I especially found @smudges comment insightful. Looking at the situation from the other person’s perspective give me clarity. It’s been 20 years, I hope to keep talking to my friend for another 20 and beyond. And in that time, I don’t want to do anything to make him feel ashamed or like a failure. I’ll keep listening and encouraging. Thanks, all!

^^Sounds like a very good friend and one worth keeping. 8)

When someone is going on forever about something on the phone, sometimes I play a little game on the computer, like a word search. It helps me help them. Might help you, too.

Fear holds good people back from their dreams.
Writers suffer fear of failure to an extent which can last a lifetime.

I married another sailor during my service in the Navy. When I lost our baby to a tubal pregnancy, he went AWOL to take care of me.
They didn’t look for him, they knew what happened.
Time passed, and he took a civilian job. He grew out his hair.
He knew he should turn himself in, but fear kept him from doing it.
Finally, I held a calender up opened to what would be the following month, and told him to circle a date, and on that day he must turn himself in.

Fear makes it easy to wait for tomorrow. As we all know, Tomorrow Never Comes

Urge your friend to pick a date for making that first move.

Be a good friend and listen as you are.