My 16 year old autistic grandson does not want to accompany family to Disneyland? Suggestions welcome?

I think I can kind of understand why, after working at a school for kids with autism for a number of years. I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t already know, but when someone has autism, any interruption to their routine can be very stressful. On top of that, the bright lights, the loud sounds of the rides and people yelling and fun on the rides, etc., that would probably be very overwhelming for somebody with autism. No doubt he may feel an obsession with computer games and want to stay home for that reason as well, but there may be other reasons why he doesn’t want to go. I wish I could tell you how to solve the situation, but I don’t even know how I would handle it if I were in your shoes. I was just hoping to shed some light on what might be the underlying reasons.

Will you be staying at a hotel? Can he just stay in the hotel during the day? Or, stay with a friend or relative and not go on the trip.

If the reason is the lines are overwhelming to him, you could get a DAS pass.

Thanks for the suggestion, DAS pass sounds great. We can’t trust him to stay alone all day, he has self-control issues.

I was just with my two grandsons who live in Paris and given their choice, they would play video games all day! And if you add to that, autism and the very real issues that @LifeQuestioner so acutely points out, I would really try to not force him to go if there is any kind of a work around. Being around a lot of people and with all the sensory stimulation could be really upsetting to him. I guess video games have some of that stimulation but the satisfaction for kids is that they can control or “beat” it.

Is there any possibility of planning a different vacation that would satisfy others and work for him? Perhaps a small lakeside resort where he could stay in the room and play his games a good part of the day? We went with my sons to a resort like that when the older was 16, although not autistic, and he stayed in the darkened room playing his guitar until noon every day!

I’m flailing a bit here because I don’t know how many others are involved and what your emotional investment is in it being Disney. Just trying to point out that there may be very good reasons why your grandson is reluctant to go.

I would hesitate to go anywhere for the day and leave a teenager in a hotel room. My daughter is almost 16 and she would probably be fine, in fact she would probably love being in a hotel room all day by herself but I would not be comfortable with it. I can and do leave her for an hour or two in a hotel room if I need to run errands or go shopping, but to be in an amusement park all day with her staying back, I would be concerned, and I wouldn’t have the best time if I was wondering if she was doing ok.

I agree with @janbb that maybe there’s another vacation you could go on. An alternative is you all go to Disney and leave your grandson with a family member or close friend, either with the person coming into his house to watch him or him going to stay with friend or family.

It’s also possible he thinks of Disney World or Disney Land as “for babies.” Maybe he doesn’t realize that both parks are really for all ages. Teens are a tough age because the last thing they often want to do is hang out with older people or little kids. Maybe, if you do convince him to go, he can accompany the group to the park for a few hours and maybe someone in the group will welcome the opportunity to have a break mid-day, go back to the room with him and hang out for the rest of the day. I don’t know when you went to a Disney park last, but it is a lot of work and very tiring, and people who stay on Disney property will often go early and then go back to the room in the afternoon to rest. It’s a lot of walking and stress for all, and I always say it’s not a relaxing vacation at all. It’s kind of like running a marathon, not that I’ve ever run a marathon, but every time I’ve gone to a Disney park, the next day I am wiped out.

If a lot of people are going, I highly recommend being willing to split up. Maybe your grandson and one of the adults take a break midday as @jca2 mentioned and the rest of you keep pushing through the exhaustion to get on more rides. Disney is a test of stamina and patience, while being fun too. I go for just 4–6 hours usually and it’s tiring.

I would tell him that there are beautiful Disney princesses in fantastic dresses. That would work for me.

I never asked my children if they wanted to go on vacation with the family. This seems to be an indication he spends too much time on this kind of stuff.

I would see if you could make positive changes as experience points in a game that he likes. Do a chore 15+ exp. Go a whole day without any serious problems then +50exp.

Then give a shopping list for what he can spend exp on.

Disney would be a sensory nightmare for many Autistic people. I don’t think it’s reasonable for force him to go. Maybe the family can consider some of the alternatives listed above.

I am an Autistic adult (my preferred language) and am raising a child with Autism (his preferred language) – I’d be happy to address any questions you may have about Autism and vacation, changes in routine, sensory overwhelm, etc.

Disneyland is asking for a lot. That would be really, really hard on anyone with overstimulation issues. Tickets are so expensive. Maybe for the price of his ticket (+ flight?), you could find a trustworthy neighbour student or a slightly older cousin…someone to stay at home with your grandson and be the grownup? Sounds like he wouldn’t need a lot of supervision, just someone who’s around. Alternatively, some sort of (computer?) camp?

If you do end up persuading him to go to Disneyland, invest $20 in a pair of Loop earplugs. I have them myself, and they’re much more comfortable than regular foam earplugs, so they can be worn for several hours without becoming itchy or painful. Also, a good pair of noise-canceling bluetooth headphones paired with a handheld game would probably help. Then his experience would be walking around in near-silence with the earplugs, then sitting somewhere waiting, playing his games and eating yummy fastfood. Maybe that scenario feels more doable to him? If it doesn’t, don’t force him. He knows his limits best.

@SnipSnip this is not just an issue of a teen not wanting to go on a family vacation. This is a kid with autism who has a whole another set of things to deal with other than the typical teenager.

I would call Disneyland to see if they have calming sensory rooms for those who need them.

I also went through the video game phase. I would skip school to play Nintendo. I would stay up all night playing Nintendo. Everything was Nintendo.

Not the greatest advice, but I wonder if he can have a portable video game to play in public . Like a switch or gameboy. I also found that a fidgit spiner helps when I get stressed out.

Here’s another idea: Maybe each day of the trip, there will be one person who would be willing to not go to the park and stay back at the hotel for the whole day, or one stays back in the morning and then another stays back in the afternoon, to stay with him. That way, he’ll get to stay in the hotel all day but there will be an adult to hang out with him and keep an eye on him. It will save money by being two less people per day who need paid admission. It will give him the solace he needs and it will give a break to the person who stays back with him.

I see lots of people suggesting that your grandson stay in the hotel room, with various people keeping him company on different days. Only you know best, but would he even be okay being in that new environment? Or with making the trip down there? Lots of well-meaning answers on here but I’m worried that a lot of people don’t understand what it means to be autistic or have autism, whichever your preferred way of saying it is.

I was one who made that suggestion, @LifeQuestioner, because maybe the whole family is determined to go on this trip or maybe there is no way financially or in a practical way, to have someone stay with him at home or have him go to someone else’s house while everyone is on the trip. I did mention him staying home with someone watching him or him going to someone’s house, but if that’s not possible, if the family is determined to go on the trip and can’t have him stay home, there will maybe be a middle ground, where they have the trip but he doesn’t have the misery of going to the park.

@jca2 I understand, but there were other people making that suggestion too. The thing that I worry that people don’t understand is that when you have a child with autism, no matter their age, it might involve making sacrifices such as not getting to go on a trip if that means you have to force this person to go along and possibly have them have a meltdown because there’s too much stimulation. It’s just that I’m trying to advocate for people to be aware of all the different things that can be issues for people with autism. Like the person who suggested that headphones would be sufficient for the grandson to walk through the park. It’s not just noise, it’s sights, it’s the new surroundings and all the other people…and goodness knows it will be crowded. I sincerely hope that the OP and family can come up with a solution, but if you have any experience of working with kids with autism, you know there may not be a practical one except for somebody staying home with him. And even then, I’m not sure somebody that is unexperienced with working with people with autism would be that great an idea because a situation could develop that they wouldn’t be equipped to handle. So I hope I didn’t offend you or anyone else, but I just feel strongly about making people aware of the different issues that people with autism face.

@LifeQuestioner I appreciate your responses – just want you to know that.

For my Autistic kiddo to go (briefly) to the state fair, he wore his comfortable clothes, his hooded sweatshirt (which helps him feel comfortable, safe, and guarded from people and air, etc.), his noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses (in his pocket as they are too much stimulation to wear with the headphones) and a hat. It was all too much to wear, but so is being around thousands of people and lights and rides and noise… He did ok and was glad he went (got some treats and a few rides), but needed lots of downtime in a dark corner after getting back home. This was all for about a 2 hour outing.

Upon arriving to the state fair parking lot, both kids had panic attacks about the sheer number of cars and people. With much love and patience and prompting, they ventured out to the Fair.

We don’t leave the house much, to be honest. It takes a lot of work beforehand, during and after.

@Cupcake after working with kids with autism for an approximately 6-hour day for 5 days a week, I can’t tell you how much admiration and respect I have for the parents and caregivers of these kids. We had some kids who were higher functioning and who could adapt somewhat to those type of situations, while we had other kids who were lower functioning and who would never have been able to make do. I wish more people would make themselves aware of what these kids go through, as well as their caretakers.

Thank you for these great ideas. He’s OK with hotel rooms, has been in different ones many times. I especially like the adult trade off. We have a disabled grandma who would probably love to do that.
Also, we found out Disneyland has a disability assistance service and several “quiet places” just for this issue.

This topic is talked about a lot in DisneyWorld Tips and Tricks facebook group. I recommend joining the Disneyland group and search DAS and search autism in the group to see what comes up. Then if you want, ask a Q to the group stating your situation and asking for their best tips.

People who go to DL a lot, especially those who were there recently, will know navigating the park best.

Whole families with zero disabilities take midday breaks at DW, because they want to go to rope drop and see fireworks and don’t want to do the long day. Also, older family members not doing a whole day is extremely common.

Times I’ve been to WDW, we go around noon, so we weren’t rushing in the morning and don’t want to stress out about it. We’d stay till the fireworks and just exiting the park after that is a huge chore. By the time you get to your car it’s after 9 and by the time you get to your room, take a shower, whatever it’s so late.

One tip I learned which really worked well for us was when you watch the Electric Light Parade at the end of the day, position yourselves right near the exit, as close to the exit as possible. That way, when the parade is over, you hightail it to the ferry or to the tram and you’re one of the first on. Otherwise you’ll be waiting in a huge crowd, a huge crush of people that you don’t comprehend until you go there and get stuck in it.

@YARNLADY It sounds like you are working it out. Let us kmow how it went. FWIW, the one time we went to Disney when the kids were young, we found the strategy of a morning visit, back to the hotel pool in the afternoon in the afternoon and then back to the park in the late afternoon and evening worked best.

@jca2 reading your latest comment reminds me of something that happened to my youth group years ago when we went to Kings Dominion. If you don’t live on the east coast, you may not know where it is but it’s in Virginia and it has a lot of rides, although it’s no Disney World or Disneyland. Anyway, at the end of a long, very enjoyable day, we finally got back to where the van was parked only to find out that the battery was dead. When we were driving down there in the morning it was very foggy and the youth leader who was driving forgot they had had their lights on. So as tired as we were, we had to wait for somebody to come give us a hot shot before we could even make the long drive home.

@jca2 After 10pm in the summer. Exhausting.

I wouldn’t necessarily classify this as teen rebellion. Disneyland can be total sensory overload.

I think it’s really important to teach autistic kids how to advocate for themselves and how to avoid situations where they would feel overwhelmed.

Imagine the alternative. Would you rather your grandson just go along without voicing his feelings and having a meltdown or shutdown in the middle of the park?

If the goal is for them to have a good time, they are clearly communicating that Disneyland isn’t the place for them.

Update, he did fine. They have virtual pass system he used which allowed him to sit in a quiet corner until the reserved time and then go right in. He used his phone and switch during the down time.

Thanks for update !

I’m glad he enjoyed the Mouse !