What do you think of prenups in this modern age?
Used to be that prenups were considered to be harbingers of discord and divorce, and of wealthy people guarding against “gold diggers”. Nowadays, in my observance, the attitude has shifted somewhat to more practical and fiscally responsible reasoning.
Curious what the collective thinks and why.
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21 Answers
For the wealthy I think they are commonplace, practical, and make sense to me.
I think they also make sense for people who get married later in life, especially if they have significant savings, property, or children, before the marriage.
Laws tend to protect already existing wealth before marriage, and also there are some protections for a spouse who earns significantly less or nothing during the marriage, but it varies a lot by state.
My only concern is over time a spouse might feel (rightfully so in my opinion) that they deserve more than what they agreed to initially.
I’m guessing a pre-nup might also be considered by a judge if the wealthier spouse passed away and the estate goes into probate. I’m not sure if that does come into play or not if not everything is spelled out in a will.
I think they should still work in todays time. The elderly man across the street when we were kids is an example. His wife died, he became sick. His caregiver saw the writing on the wall. She convinced him to marry her in secret, not tell his kids and he died shortly after. Everything went to her, including the house. It really wasn’t much, but more than she had before. His kids got nothing.
Is this what he would have wanted? We will never know, but if he wasn’t so sick, a prenup might’ve prevented this.
I think definitely if children from a previous marriage are involved and a person wants to make sure they are left something, a prenup plus a will would be in order.
@chyna In the case of your neighbor, a Last Will and Testament would have been his way to go.If he did one before he was sick, when he was still in his right mind, and left everything to kids, that would have protected the kids and left the new wife out.
@jca2 IANAL but I think there are some (most/all?) state where the spouse still gets everything regardless of the will. Not my area of expertise.
Prenumps feel pretty gauche to me. It’s like you’re preparing to protect your own interests in the event the marriage (which is supposed to last through good and bad times) fails.
Know the law in your state, That should help anyone decide what they need to do in this area. The difference in marital property and community property is huge.
@JLeslie it may differ from state to state, but I know in Maryland, even if there is no will, the estate would go initially to the living spouse, if there is one, so that this would not necessarily be cause for concern.
@gorillapaws I’m pretty sure that spousal rule wouldn’t override any will. The will, unless it is determined that it was made under duress or the person was not of sound mind, should trump all other laws. But I’m not a lawyer and maybe it is as you say in some states.
In general, I understand why people want prenup agreements. I will say, however, that I think they have become a lot more prevalent as the trend in marriage has been to not stay married to the same person your whole life. Nowadays, we still say, “in sickness and in health, etc.”, But I think those words are taken a lot less seriously these days. Don’t get me wrong; there are certainly circumstances where the marriage should not stay together, particularly in some sort of abusive situation. That being said, a lot of people don’t want to put any effort into maintaining their marriage and as soon as there is any sort of problem, they want to break up. I think people go into marriage nowadays almost expecting that that’s going to happen at some point and so they want a prenup. Whereas back in the day, people expected to get married and stay married and so their thoughts weren’t going along those lines of what am I going to get if I leave my husband or my wife.
I think if one person has a very higher salary than the other person, a prenup would be totally beneficial. Someone in my family is a high up in a Wall Street firm, making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. If she were to marry someone with an ordinary job, let’s say a police officer or a teacher, it would pay for her to have a prenup, otherwise, in the event they got divorced, she might be paying him alimony or have to fork over a portion of her pension.
@jca2 again, this might differ from state to state, but my understanding was that you wouldn’t have to pay alimony if you make less money than the other person. Which makes total sense. Why would somebody with the salary of a teacher have to pay alimony to somebody making hundreds of thousands of dollars?
I actually meant “what do you think of the concept of prenups…”, not so much the state-by-state statutes governing divorce.
@LifeQuestioner No, the person who makes more would be paying alimony to the person who makes less. So if my relative, who makes hundreds of thousands, married a cop or a teacher who made 100k and she got divorced, she would be paying him alimony. Therefore, a prenup would benefit her.
I agree with @jca2 that if the main concern is who gets the money after a death, the person needs a will. Outside of the will beneficiaries on “bank accounts” is the most important thing and does not get tied up in probate. Any parent who wants money to go to their children upon their death instead of their spouse can just put their child or children as a beneficiary.
Property is different, but explanations and examples will get way off topic so I won’t.
Obviously, from my first answer I’m ok with a pre-nup as a concept. I think it’s strange for a young couple with very little money to get a pre-nup, because they build wealth over time as a couple. Why would there be a pre-nup in that case?
My mom told me once about a pre-nup that included if either spouse gained a lot of weight the other could file for divorce. I’m not sure that’s real, why would that need to be writing?
@gorillapaws The wife does not get everything regardless of the will.
Even more important these days than in days of old.
I think they make sense in certain situations. For example, if I were to marry again in m 70s, which I will not, I would make it very clear that my kids are my heirs although I do think the will also makes that clear.
@janbb: In that case, the Will does it and a prenup isn’t necessary.
^^Right. I only mentioned the pre-nup regarding the death of a spouse if there was a lack of a will and there was probate or even more so a lawsuit. A judge might take it into consideration if there was ambiguity in the law. I’m not sure why jellies took my original as some sort of substitute for a will, it certainly isn’t. The main reason for a pre-nup is in the case of a divorce.
A necessity. If two people can’t sit down and decide how major life events are fiscally handled, they can’t do it with other things and should not get married.
@Blackwater_Park Some people go into marriage with their “best foot forward” but when things break down, it’s every man (or woman) for himself. Kind of like after a major death in the family, people start fighting over who gets what, and who deserves what.
Sometimes it becomes legitimate conerns like one spouse made way more than the other and it was an understanding from the get-go, or one person worked to put the other through medical school or something like that, so a prenup would be a protection for one or both.
I don’t know. When I got married I was 25, we both made about the same money, I had a few thousand more in the bank than him, but combined maybe we had $8,000—$10,000, and I didn’t understand at all the value of a spouse who doesn’t work or who works part time. I don’t think I would have made good decisions at 25 for my 55 year old self, or even my 35 year old self.
Pre-nups can be changed over time, and sometimes the courts don’t follow them when the pre-nup is challenged, and I can understand why.
@jca2 I agree. I did not do one when I got married based on some horrible advice from someone I trusted. Fortunately, my marriage is ok for now. I think the act of going through a prenup lets the couple know what a legal marriage really is. It’s a financial arrangement between themselves and also the state. It really is seperate from the relationship they have.
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