Care to help me brush up on my "Dad" jokes?
It’s time to annoy my sisters and entertain my nieces and nephews during Thanksgiving. What are your favorite dad jokes? I was shaving this for later, but I mustache this question.
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Earlier I was thinking that I must mustard my strength tomorrow, so that I can ketchup on my chores and not have a lot to do over the weekend. So I really need to bust my buns. And then I can go to dinner Thursday and say, Hot dog! I can relax this weekend.
My friends dad would drink while exercising. He called it Bacardio.
Did you hear about the guy who found a way to breed boneless turkeys?
There was the man driving through turkey farming country when something sped by him in a cloud of dust. Curious, he followed the dust cloud into a nearby farmyard where he met the farmer. Several similar dust clouds were zipping back and forwards so the man asked the farmer what was going on.
I’m a turkey farmer he said and I like turkey legs. The trouble is my wife and son also like turkey legs so I bred a three-legged turkey. That is fantastic exclaimed the man, and what do they taste like?
I don’t know said the farmer I’ve never managed to catch one.
I just saw a burglar kicking in his own door. He must have been working from home.
I bought a sweater the other day but it was too full of static electricity so I returned it. They gave me another one free of charge.
I told my wife she needs to embrace her mistakes. So she gave me a hug.
I accidentally took my cat’s meds last night. Don’t ask meow.
A vacationing penguin is driving his through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop, gets a big dish and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says “It looks like you blew a seal.”
“No no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.”
My son asked me what it was like to be married. I told him to leave me alone. He started to walk away and I asked him why he was ignoring me.
My dog ate a whole box of scrabble tiles so I took him to the vet. No word yet.
@kritiper I’m still waiting for the punchline…or did I miss something? unless you’re referring to a ‘boner-less’ turkey, in which case, boooo <groan>
Two peanuts were walking through the park. One was a-salted.
A multi-mega rich person has a large oceanside estate which features his own private estuary. On this estate he collects he collects exotic wildlife of all types, including a pod of extremely rare dolphins. Over the years he discovers that these dolphins never get sick or die if they’re provided with a certain species of seagull for their diet. Coincidentally, this particular seagull breeds on the same coast, a few miles from the rich person’s estate. So the rich guy makes regular trips up the coast to get seagulls for his dolphins. On one such trip he arrived at the gate to his estate to see a lion blocking his way. He got out of the car, gathered up an armful of seagulls and carefully stepped over the lion. He was immediately nabbed by federal agents. The charge? Transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises!
@Blackwater_Park I had 3 children with my first wife and married a woman with 3 kids on my second. I have “dad” creds.
@smudges There is no punch line. The object is to make one think about it.
What’d the guy say when he walked into a bar?
Ow!
Then there was the magician who was walking down the street and turned into a restaurant!
ba-da-bing!
And the snowman who got upset when the sun came out—he had a total meltdown!
What do you call the sexuality where you are attracted to both men and women but they aren’t attracted to you? Bi-yourself.
Why did the non-binary miner head west? Because there was gold in them/their hills.
My dad would always say that he had to piss like a racehorse.
I got home to find the kids had been on ebay all day. If they’re still there tomorrow I’ll lower the price.
The racehorse one has been around for years and is very common. Actually, I always heard it was a Russian, or rushin’ racehorse. I have no idea what it means. :D
If athletes get Athlete’s Foot, what do astronauts get? Missle toe.
I once heard a joke about a chicken, but I’m not gonna pullet!
What do you call an undead chicken?
….
A poultryGeist
^^ That one made me cackle!
A friend of mine used to have a T-shirt that read:
Incorrigible punster! Do not incorrige!
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