Why would she sit on slitted sheets?

She sees the sailors all sitting in the bar sipping beer behind the ship.

She sits on slitted sheets so she can sit and shit.

there was nowhere else to sit, and she was tired of standing

What is a slitted sheet?

It’s something to sit on.

@ragingloli, it’s nothing. Just an adjective-noun combo to create a tongue-twister.

I think the answer is obvious. She is, of course Sheila. She sells sea shells down by the seashore. She is married to Peter who raised peppers that he pickled. One day Sheila found a small chest at the beach, buried in the sand. Inside were some shiny silver shekels. She was happy about this, to say the least. Her sea shell sales and Peter’s pickled pepper peddling weren’t doing so well and this was wealth they could use.

Sheila speculated seriously about where she should stash the shiny silver shekels until they would be spent. Peter piped in that putting them in the padding of the pillows and mattress would be a great spot. So they opened a pillow and piled the plunder into it. That didn’t work. They now had a pillow that pounded their pates when they tried to use it. It also showed a shimmery silhouette of the shiny silver shekels.

They then thought through the teaser they had. Maybe moving the money to the mattress? The shiny silver shekels should spread out sufficiently so the shekels wouldn’t show. They breached the bed to stash the shekels. It worked! But they saw some situation with stashing the shiny silver shekels there. Stripping the sheets to survey their secret stash would be silly. What if they slit the sheets? Success! And sitting on slitted sheets suffused Sheila with such satisfactions she shouted!

To celebrate their cleverness, the couple chose to cook some chilis. As Peter pared the pickled peppers into pieces, Sheila stoked the stove. But they were out of Pam for the pan. Sheila sprinted to the neighbor’s house to borrow some butter. The neighbor’s name was Betty. Betty bought the butter but found it was too bitter for baking but Sheila surmised it would suffice for sautéing.

And to think that this all started with a new upper partial…

@Strauss Be careful what you ask! Of course my story could be wrong. Maybe she sat on slitted sheets because the loose fringe tickled her tookus. Maybe she had hemorrhoids and sitting on the slits helped cushion ease her discomfort.

It’s similar to shitting on sleet, but more sanitary and infinitely less offensive.

@seawulf575 You are starting to make sense. GA!