Would you reach out to an estranged family member if you found out they had terminal cancer?

Reach out!
If she passes and you haven’t, you will regret not doing so.
If you reach out and she then passes, you may still hurt, but without the kind of regret you would otherwise.

I also say reach out. It may comfort her; if not, nothing lost. love your new avatar!

I agree with @filmfann and @smudges. Reaching out is healing for both of you.

I would.

I would try.

In this situation I think would try. It wasn’t clear to me if you were the one who cut off from her, but I seem to remember that it was, so she most likely will be open to hearing from you I would think. Also, like @filmfann said, once she is gone you can’t ever try again. We can’t know how it will be for you, but if it is a positive experience it will be good you did it. If it is a negative experience for you, it’s the last time you have to deal with it.

I have a sister that I never really got along with, and we actively avoided each other when we could as we got older. When I had cancer (obviously not terminal but advanced, no guarantees) it was exhausting and seriously stressful for me to see or talk to her.

If by “reaching out” you mean sending letters or cards, I think that would be lovely and probably comforting for her, but I would talk to her husband/adult kids about seeing her and/or talking to her to assess how she would feel.

Another consideration is your dad, who would likely love to see a reconciliation.

I realize that this may increase confusion.
I’m sorry your sister is going through this awfulness.

Listen to Mike + The Mechanics singing The Living Years and you’ll have your answer.

You can be angry with someone, hurt by them, whatever, but if they ever meant anything to you, it is too late to heal that rift after they are dead.

My dad was nuts. Not being mean, he was. He put crazy into my life for most of it. When I was married the first time and our daughter was due in about a month we decided to have him over for dinner. He came and the entire evening was a bust. He insulted my wife, insulted the meal, insulted our selection of names for the baby-to-be, and related more of the ongoing saga of his craziness. He didn’t see anything wrong with anything he had said. At that point I had had enough. I told him that he needed help. I told him if he wanted to finally admit it and get help I would be there with him all the way, but if he refused I no longer wanted him infecting my family with his behavior. He said there was nothing wrong with him and so we started a 6 year separation. I never called him or wrote him, he tried calling once and I asked immediately if he had decided to seek help. That pretty much ended that call. But after the 6 years he had a weird aneurism that almost killed him. I realized at that point that I was letting his behavior destroy everything and it was time to heal. I went to see him in the hospital and we started relating again. He never did get help but I realized I still loved him and could still keep his nuttiness out of my family. We ended up getting onto good terms for quite a few years before he finally took his life. I am happy for those years.

The point is not about my sorrows. It is about not waiting too long to heal things. Don’t let petty (on the grand scheme of things) rob you of some happiness and healing.

I semi remember some of the issues with your sister and that there was much hurt.
I think you need to look into your heart and do what it tells you to do.
I know you are having your own health issues right now, so it’s hard to know how to react to someone else’s. You did start the ball rolling with your niece, so maybe check back with her about a possible reconnection.

Thank you for sharing, @canidmajor and @seawulf575

A family text was sent asking that no one call. She doesn’t have the energy. Our other sister is the designated person for questions and updates. My sister is accepting of cards.

@chyna I’m closer in age to my niece than I am her mother. I became an aunt at the age of six. My niece was also very close to my mother, her grandma. I think it would be healing for both of us if I can be there for her. Her mother has support but I don’t know if she has support. She’ll need it.

If it were me (and obviously it’s not) I would do everything in my power to let her know that I loved and supported my sister. Maybe that could bring her some measure of peace and closure. I’m sorry to hear about your sister’s diagnosis. Sending you hugs.

I think if you ever really cared about this person then you should. I think if I was dying I may want to see some family members I am currently estranged with. Even if nothing got resolved, I would want them to know I’m not taking resentment to my grave so there is no need for them to feel guilty for the time missed. Life just takes us on different paths.

Even though I stay away from some family members it doesn’t mean I have forgotten the good times. Just that for me who they once were died along the way. Doesn’t mean I never wanted them in my life. I’m grateful for the good times and the good memories.

I would hope they would want to see me even though I’m the one that pulled away.