Is it because I'm an introvert? What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with you is that you are human. Being human is a chronic fatal condition.

I would cancel your appointment. With as much notice as possible, to be polite.

As an adult it is your prerogative to decide.

As long as your not skipping doctor’s appointments, then you are fine. I suggest giving a disclaimer, in the future, to your group that you reserve the freedom to cancel on short notice.

Sometimes I find life just fills up with things. You have to go here and then you have to go there, usually as some sort of commitment. If you are a bit introverted it can feel like you just need “you” time. It is how you recharge your batteries. Being around others tends to drain you more. Sometimes it is best for you to cancel something to give yourself that time.

But there is a danger there as well. If you are more than a bit introverted you can find yourself canceling more and more things and alienating more and more people until you are basically a lonely person. Humans are social creatures for the most part.

If you feel this brunch is just one too many things, cancel it. Catch it the next time something like this happens with those people. At least that is how I see it.

I think you ought to go. I often feel that I can’t be bothered attending social events but I always feel better having gone. It makes me appreciate my home and my own company all the more.

There is NOTHING wrong with you!!! Push yourself to go. I bet you will have a really good time!!! After the fact, you will be glad you did. Since you know that this is what will most likely happen, decline most offers in the future. It will take a while but people will simply STOP asking you to join them. As I’m getting older, I’m finding that I prefer staying home. If you have children, you can always say that you have company coming at the same time & you need to be preparing your home for your guests.

To anyone saying I should go, I would agree, but then I couldn’t get to sleep until 3:30 in the morning so that right there is pretty much a clincher on the decision.

@LifeQuestioner Your feelings are typical for a lot of people. I often feel that way when I make plans with people or have an event to attend. I really value my time alone and I value my time when I can stay home and relax, especially in nice weather. Given the choice, I’d almost always rather stay home than go out with friends.

I often dread my plans that I made with friends and am sorry I made them. I usully push myself to go because if I repeatedly cancelled on people, they would soon tire of making dates with me. Once I am actually out, I have a good time and then when I reflect after, I am glad I went.

For you today, not sleeping well is the perfect excuse not to go. Nobody can argue with that.

Oh, @LifeQuestioner, that is so very normal! I am an extrovert, my friends group is comprised of all sorts of folks, and most of us feel the same way, especially since the pandemic. I always don’t want to get off my butt, but I make myself go and I always am glad that I did.

I’m very similar and often opt for the pleasure of staying home if I haven’t made a real commitment to someone. There is a group that meets on the boardwalk every Monday night for live music and I can often talk myself out of going. I feel relief at not going but sometimes regret when I see the pictures. FOMO. I have found that I really enjoy doing something with only one or two friends rather than a large group.

When I do push myself, I usually enjoy it but I do allow myself to stay home when that feeling is uppermost.

Oh my! I really think I wrote that entire question. That is exactly how I feel lately when I agree to do something, but start having second thoughts. I start resenting the people I agreed to see, though they had nothing to do with my agreeing.
I generally have a good time when I do go, but if I end up staying home, I don’t feel guilty and of course enjoy my alone time. Do what you need to do to get through each day.

@janbb that’s how I am too! I would much rather go to brunch with one or two people then 10 people or more. Yes, I had signed up to go, but there is around 10 people and nothing will be disrupted by my not going.

Ask yourself this: When is the last time I regretted attending an event?

@kruger_d it’s true that I usually enjoy things like that, but there have been times I’ve gone to things like this, and I remember sitting there thinking, why didn’t I just stay home? I didn’t want this to be one of those times.

What’s worked for me is that in the past few years, since the pandemic and since I retired 3 years ago, I really cut my visits with friends down to a minimum. I attend some group events (groups like book group and a local group or two) that all meet once a month, so that may be a handful of times a month, total) but other than that, as far as seeing most friends, I am ok just communicating on social media or via text, and seeing them almost never. I really value my free time and my time at home, to do creative things, or tidying up, or just relaxing with a book or magazine on the deck.

I stopped exchanging birthday and Christmas gifts with just about everyone, so those obligations are over, and “birthday dinners” are over too. It became a pain in the ass, with mutual friends who had birthdays days apart and yet each needed their own dinner, choosing their own restaurant. No thanks. Let’s cut it all out, let’s save money, let’s just do lunch or dinner when we want, not out of obligation. I asked a q about it here in the group, because one of the friends was insisting on the gifts and separate birthday dinner, but we’re people in our 50s and 60s and it just felt like too much obligation.

Does your comment about 3:30 am mean you decided not to go?

Watch the first minute of this John Mulaney special. (Of course you can watch more.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quZU_hA4Pr4
He addresses that situation perfectly.

@LuckyGuy yes, it does. And I love John Mulaney! I had actually seen that routine a while back and forgotten about it, but he nailed it perfectly.

I totally get it! It sounds like you’re feeling a bit torn between wanting to socialize and needing some alone time. As an introvert, it’s completely normal to crave alone time to recharge, especially after a string of social events.

Nothing is wrong with you. Don’t succumb to societal pressures if they make you feel uncomfortable. <3