Should one take into consideration the cost of attending a wedding when choosing the gift?

I tend to feel that if the wedding is expensive to simply attend, I will not likely splurge on the present. It also, obviously, depends on my relationship to the couple.

I fully recognize my “cheap bastard” status with this answer. :-D

I have a set amount that I give, which is what I can afford, which tends to be $150 and if I am attending with my teenage daughter, I would give $150 for her and the same for me.

If it were a close friend or relative, I’d likely spend what I had to in order to attend but still give the same gift amount (as above), which is not a huge amount but it’s what I can afford.

I have a wedding coming up that is in a western state, and I am seriously leaning toward not attending. It’s a cousin that I am not close to and the cost of the flight, hotels, getting to and from the airport and all that is not only a big amount to spare but it’s also a big PITA to get to and from.

I view attending weddings as two gifts – the gift of time (my being there) and the wedding gift (gift to the couple). Travel and accommodations, I consider under the gift of time. Either I can afford it or not. That’s a separate bucket. The gift to the couple would be a separate consideration. Lately I’ve been hearing of the wedding party charging for admission. I would put that under gift to the couple. If they charged $100, I’d deduct from the wedding gift since it goes towards the festivities.

I read about that, too, @RocketGuy. It’s ludicrous, in my opinion. Maybe I’m just old fashioned. I feel if the couple can’t afford a certain level of reception, they shouldn’t have it. They should have what they can afford.

A friend’s son just got married about a year ago and she said he was fretting about the cost of the wedding, and she told him they’d make it back with the gifts, which they probably did, so there’s that, too.

I think a lot of weddings are over the top now. Maybe I’m just an old fuddy duddy. People spend tens of thousands on elaborate weddings. Of course, it’s their money to spend how they want but I still have my old fuddy duddy opinion about it lol.

@jca2 I read that article too about selling tickets to a wedding and was thinking of asking a separate question about that. But it is just such a selfish idea, I can’t imagine ever going to a wedding if they were selling tickets. I’m with you, keep it within your budget; not every wedding has to be a big blow-out extravaganza!

People can have a lunch instead of dinner, a DJ instead of a band, lots of options as far as choices. I think competition with friends may be a driver of big weddings. Friends have it and then the other friends want to compete.

Another big thing now is showers and bachelor and bachelorette parties. My sister was in a wedding where the bachelorette party was a whole weekend of festivities, paid for by the bridal party. Then the shower is often a destination shower. That’s why I am very happy not to be part of bridal parties now. I don’t have the time, the energy or the money for the expectation from the bride.

@janbb Hell no with paying for tickets to a wedding. It’s cray cray.

I have a budget I have to live on, so I probably wouldn’t go to the wedding in order to be able to send a nice gift.

And people ask me why I never married. ;-)

I have taken the cost of going to a wedding into my gift decision making. When I was in my late 20s and going a lot of weddings, I was in a few that involved cross country travel and three or four nights in a hotel. In those cases, I would contribute to a “group gift” that was less per person than an individual gift.

I usually peruse the registry for something in the middle price range regardless. If it were family then I’d go all out.

*If they dont register they get a card and gift card for $100 or so. I dont enjoy guessing.

I guess I feel like if I am asking myself that question, I probably can’t afford the travel and will just send a gift. Also, think admission charges are super pretentious. I have heard them called “venue fees”.

Honestly, I am completely happy to not be invited to a wedding that has any necessary costs associated with. Assuming people will travel spending all that that requires is arrogant, unless the invitees are family members or close friends only I am referring to people who leave their home town to marry in a distant location, expecting their family and friends to make that trip as well. I do not do it if it is more than a couple hours drive, much less requiring airline travel. Also, someone mentioned ‘venue fees’ above. No way would I participate in that.

@SnipSnip It sounds like you are talking about a destination wedding where everyone has to travel to attend but often the bride or groom live in different parts of the country so the wedding is held near one of their homes. I agree totally with you about venue fees or admission tickets.

I told a close relative that if she ever plans a wedding, please don’t feel obligated to put me in the wedding party because I think of that obligation as a big PITA. The shower, which is usually now in a fancy venue, plus the dress and the big gifts that the bridal party gives the bride, plus the custom dress, shoes, etc., I’m ok not being part of it.

The last time I was in a bridal party, while the cocktail hour was going on, the photographer asked us to go elsewhere for photos, which was especially annoying because I just wanted to relax and have some cocktail hour food, and I couldn’t.

@jca2 Luckily, I’ve never had to be in a bridal party. My own wedding was just 21 people all together and I walked down the aisle at one son’s wedding but that was it.

@janbb Someone in my family was in a bridal party and the bride had a whole weekend of festivities in NYC for the shower or bachelorette party (not sure which). Paid for by the bridal party, of course. It’s really over the top. Of course not every wedding is like that but there’s a big thing now about making everything Instagram-worthy so there are tons of pix and tons of balloons and on and on and on and on.

Lordy, I’m glad that my bridesmaid days were long before any of that was a thing. We just paid for our dresses. Somewhere there are many ugly dresses made of polyester (it was the 70s, after all) that may make good nests for rodents.

hahaha to the nests for rodents @canidmajor. I laughed out loud, as I think of my attic. Not that there are any bridal dresses in it, but there may be nests for rodents in it.

From what I understand, in the 1940s and 50s, the majority of weddings were simple affairs where they had sandwiches and punch at the bride’s house after the wedding. Not that I think we’ll ever go back to that, or that we should, but there should be some kind of a happy medium.

@jca2 Well, there was an article in the NYTimes Syle section this week saying that after the post-pandemic big blow-out weddings trend , there is a new trend towards smaller more intimate and reasonable weddings. I suspect so much depends on the age and class and expectations of the bride and groom but one can hope.

@janbb Was that the same Times article that mentioned selling tickets for wedding receptions? I have to look for it.

I agree with you that it’s depending on the age and class and expectations of the bride and groom.

No, it was another article.

@jca2 That was a New York Post article.

https://apple.news/AaHFCiu7KT6WY02kZattcFQ

Thanks @zenvelo. I see that they invited 350 but only 60 attended.

Is that what economists call: price elasticity or supply/demand?

@jca2 I believe there was an article in the Times about selling tickets for weddings too and that case was cited. They wanted to winnow down the invite list so this is how they did it.

@janbb Yeah I saw the NY Times article about selling tickets.