How does one develop better coping skills?

I guess the question would be: what sorts of things did you have problems coping with? Was it that everything seemed like a crisis or was it that you couldn’t get organized or fear of the future or what was it? That changes the answer significantly.

I find keeping a diary helps me put everything into perspective.

I learned to cope despite my diagnosis. I use therapy and deep breathing and talking to friends. I also greatly limit my exposure to things that cause stress and anxiety like news.

I use music to help, too. I listen to soft, soothing music. You can search for ambient music on YouTube. There are some that are many hours long.

@flutherother wrote something good. Writing things down is very good. It’s also something you can share with your therapist.

@seawulf575 Being accused of harrasing a friend online. Leading me to failing out of university.

I’m doing much better now. I would like to be vindicated from my ex friend calling the police on me, and an interrogation that caused emotional pain that took 24 years to go away.

I think I know who did. It was a friend who was being bullied, who I protected from his violent girlfriend, and he wanted to return the favor.

When I am given problems in my life, I compartmentalize. I think about the problem for a few minutes and if I come up with a solution, I deal with it. My thinking is to (a) understand the problem fully, (b) think about what I want the final outcome to be (whether it is a mended relationship or a paid off debt, it doesn’t matter) and ( c ) the actions I would need to take to get to that solution. If I can’t immediately come up with a solution or if it is a decision between which solution would be right in the long run, I put it in its box (in my mind) and don’t think about it consciously for a while. When things slow down a bit, I pull that problem back out and give it some more time for consideration. I do this until I resolve the problem.

For things that happened a long time ago, I tend to be a bit more pragmatic. There is nothing I can do about it. I cannot get into the Wayback Machine and go change things. There is a point where it is about acceptance. Someone falsely accused you and the cops came and interrogated you. You obviously lived through this and didn’t end up in jail. If you need to confront the person you believe accused you, then do it…or don’t. If the person is really no longer in my life, I’d lean towards “don’t”. Don’t give them any more power over you. Don’t let them rob you of any happiness or cause you any more angst. Forgive them. That isn’t saying you think they were right or that you will trust them going forward. Forgiving them means you are moving on, accepting that it passed and no longer controls your emotions or thoughts.

@seawulf575 that technique is good for all sorts of things. When I’m trying to solve a tough math problem for instance, if you’re stuck, it helps to just put it down for a while and come back to it. Sometimes I can’t solve my New York Times crossword puzzle in the evening so I go back to it the next day and almost always can figure out the words I was missing.