Have you ever been pressured to do something you don't want to do, leaving everyone uncomfortable?
For example Rick and I were having dinner at his daughter house. One dish was a potato dish that I had tried before and knew I didn’t like so I didn’t take any.
Rick noticed and started quietly pressuring me to try some. “They’re SO good!”
“No thank you,” I murdered.
But he kept on and kept on. Of course at that point his daughter and everyone else noticed.
Finally I snapped “No!”
I could have taken some, but at that point everyone would have been watching to see if I ate it.
Was I the rude one or was he?
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11 Answers
He was. I was once in exactly that position, but the smell of the food being offered put me off. There was nothing wrong with it, just a personal thing, but it was pushed on me again and again until I snapped like you did. I got a lot of grief from the family, but really, there is not much that is more personal or intimate than food. You are not a toddler and forcing food on you if you’re not ill is unacceptable.
I am heartily sick of this kind of thing going on, it is bullying. Maybe gentle and teasing, but bullying nonetheless. I’m sure Rick didn’t mean it as such, but he needs to understand that “No” means NO, even in seemingly benign circumstances.
My response may sound over the top to some, but you (and I) grew up in a time when women were constantly instructed, steered, directed etc etc to behave, comply, never make a scene, always follow the rules someone else sets down.
Cue all the guys telling me I’m overthinking and overreacting because they haven’t had to live in a society that considers them “uppity” for saying “no” to even gently made requests.
Have a little talk with him, explain why it’s rude. Tell him if he does it again that you’ll tell a crazy older lady in Connecticut and she’ll come to Kansas and punch him in the snoot.
So there.
I can’t add a thing to what @canidmajor just said. Spot on.
It was a long time ago.
I think it had more to do with his upbringing than anything. I think he was hassled to eat food. Lord knows he had enough food issues!
I’m with you on your food example!
Sure, I’ve been pressured to do things I don’t want to do. Too often I do what I don’t want to do, but a certain percentage of the time I don’t give in.
Regarding food I very rarely eat something I don’t want. I don’t understand forcing someone to eat something they don’t like, it’s borderline abusive to me.
@Dutchess_III I’m little and old, but I still have a helluva right hook.
Many times. Sometimes I give in, but last time I had to take someone on the other side, and explain why I was uncomfortable. That made me twice as uncomfortable, but it was better in the end. They withdrew the suggestion.
When it comes to food, I’ve not experienced someone pushing food on me if I say I don’t like it. If I go to a friend’s for dinner and she serves sauerkraut or something, and I say I am not a fan, no problem. Same in a restaurant. Everyone orders what they like. No biggie.
I can think of an example where a friend had a bunch of people over to celebrate some birthdays. Her nephews are twins and it was their birthday, too. She made a chocolate cake – she bakes like a pro. When she served the chocolate cake, one twin said he didn’t want any, he didn’t like chocolate cake. She said “oh, I wish I knew, I would have made something else.” I was thinking what I would have done, just to keep it simple, is not announce that I don’t like it, especially since it was made for him. I would have taken it, taken a bite of it and then nobody would notice if he didn’t eat much of it. I would do that in the case of sauerkraut if I had to, or any other food I dislike (olives are another example I can think of).
My sister is very weight conscious and at work, when there’s a birthday or other occasion for cake, she takes the piece to be a team player, takes a bite or two and then throws it out when nobody is looking.
Sorry Rick was out of line.
I rarely am pressured, everyone knows my eating habits have changed dramatically so generally my circle is very encouraging.
Rick had food issues. And control issues. Once he cooked BBQ meatballs and mashed potatoes. One of my favorite.
This particular evening I was dishing up my plate. I put potatoes on and created a well in the middle of the potatoes to recieve the BBQ sauce. It’s what I’ve done all my life for gravy or whatever.
Rick was hovering over my shoulder and said “No no! That’s not how you do it! You pour the BBQ sauce on top of the potatoes.
I was done. I picked my plate up and slammed it down and said “I never eating your dinners again!”
And I didn’t. I ate them for lunch the next day, when he wasn’t looking.
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