Does it bother you when people repeatedly address you wrong by name or title?

Honestly no, not really.

Not at all. Their problem, not mine.

Yes, it is utterly disrespectful. I would raise a stink about it.

It doesn’t bother me when people think my name is “Jen” and not “Jan.” I have started spelling it out to new people. What does bother me is a friend who keeps calling me by my full name when I’ve been using a short form for years.

I don’t like when they don’t use my right name. I usually correct them.

But it is chyna, isn’t it?

Yes, yes it is!

People will sometimes use a short version of my name, and it doesn’t bother me.

People will sometimes add an “a” to the end of my daughter’s name, and I don’t correct them. I will refer to her by her real name and hope that they pick it up, that it has no “a” at the end.

Her first and last name together sound very similar to a famous singer, and one or two people have asked me if I named her after that singer, and it’s like, “uhhh, no.” That singer wasn’t even a thought in my head when it came to naming baby.

I guess it’s never happened to me.

I dont mind. Many people shorten it or crack jokes, all in good fun.

Not at all. Many people have trouble remembering names. Often when I meet people I tell them, “you can ask me my name 20 times it will never bother me.” I meet a lot of people because I’m a zumba instructor and they ask me a second time within a minute of meeting me my name again, that’s when I reassure them it’s ok.

I don’t mind if they address me as Mrs. if they know I’m married. I find it very odd if they would use it and didn’t know. The only time I can think of people using Mrs. for me is on a written invitation. Maybe someone has called me Mrs. Lastname and since it doesn’t bother me I barely take note of it. I usually tell people they can call me JL.

I appreciate the attempt at the formality, but my last name is difficult for a lot of people.

I might correct them to Ms. if it was important to me that they don’t know my marital status, but I can’t remember that ever coming up.

Some people shorten my name. They usually ask first. I’m fine with it.

Nothing wrong with correcting them, but I see no point in being annoyed about it. Most people want to call people by their name and not screw it up. The only time I have encountered people insisting on addressing me in a way that I never asked for and feels odd to me is in the South being called Miss JL when I specifically said they can call me JL. They’re just trained that way. I’m not upset about it, just feels weird, or felt weird for years. I’m more used to it now.

I have a terrible memory for faces, so I used to call everyone at work Homer.
A few bristled at this at first, but everyone got used to it.

No, I’m not good at names and I don’t mind when other people make a mistake. I’m a little uncomfortable when they call me sweetie or honey.

Nope, not at all.

I guess I wasn’t clear and the point was completely missed. Sorry.
I should have used the word “deliberately”.
Never mind

Still no, unless it’s something really horrible to say. Some people shorten my name in a way that only about 6 people in the world call me that. I tell people, “I might not know you are talking to me.” I’m not mad if they use it though. An ex-employee of mine used to call me Maserati. That is not my name, lol, I thought it was cute. He knew my husband liked cars.

Even deliberately, it doesn’t matter to me. It speaks more about that person than it does me.

Even if they did a version of my name deliberately, it wouldn’t bother me (i.e. sometimes people call me Jewels).

Only if it was derogatory would it upset me.

As far as my title, Mrs, Miss, Ms., Cat Lady, Mother of the Queen (haha), it’s all good. I’m pretty easy going.

My parents gave me only two names- no middle name. Growing up, I did not like my last name, so when I married, I left it off of the document for name change at the County Clerk’s Office.

Years ago, when we first moved to Texas, I waited until the last minute to update my driver’s license. There, the clerk informed me that the state of Texas required me to have three names, which meant that I’d have to adopt a middle name. It could have been anything really. Catsup, or Mosquito, or Hearthrug. Whatever, they didn’t care, but I couldn’t legally reside in the state without 3 names.

I was outraged, and I still am at their audacity! I finally settled on my maiden name (which I intensely dislike).

Ever afterwards, whenever I had to speak to a policeman I showed them my drivers license, and explained my stand. If I was required to sign my “legal name” I only wrote it as it was before I moved to Texas.

When I voted, I crossed out the offending name, and signed it as it was before I moved to Texas. The voter folks did NOT like that I crossed out the offending name, but It was always too late to “fix” it.

When I had the baby, I found out that the baby’s last name can be anything you want; it doesn’t have to be the father’s last name or the mother’s last name, you can pick any name for the last name, at least in NY.

Deliberately, yes. It’s a sign of disrespect.

Deliberately with ill intentions would be a problem. Context is everything though.

Deliberately @Canidmajor? As in they keep doing it when they know it upsets you? Yes. I’d be pissed.

I don’t really have a nickname, but I hate when people make a rhyme of my name to be cute. (My name’s Nancy, so don’t call me fancy Nancy, or Nancy Pantsy, or some such stupid thing.) Also, I correct people when they say “Mrs.”.

There have been people that I worked with on a daily basis that didn’t even try to get my name right. Name tag on desk and around my neck. What seems to be so hard that you can’t get the correct name? I would correct them every single time until they got it right.

@chyna that was always a pet peeve of mine. I went to school with an Indian (not native American) girl named Hemal. You pronounce it exactly how it looks, not hard at all. You would be amazed at how lots of people were constantly mispronouncing her name, I used to correct them all the time.

Even now, when I meet someone with a foreign sounding name, I have them say it, and I repeat it until I get it right. I think it’s important to pronounce people’s names as accurately as you are able…it shows respect.

This is a very interesting thread. There are quite a number of jellies chiming in here saying it’s no big deal who are very quick to take offense in other questions. It’s very interesting.

Not at all. I will correct them once.
I had a work colleague in my engineering group that called me Robert for years. I had corrected him the first time, but it repeated for about 3 years.
I was transferring out of that group and entered a meeting with my colleagues to divvy out my responsibilities. When the meeting started and my VP started the meeting and discussed the goals this one colleague spoke up and said, “I thought your name was Robert?”. My VP simply said “Ya, we know!”

I go by Ms. at work. Students often says Mrs. and I let that pass and they eventually figure it out. Adults I will correct if I think the situation won’t embarrass them. Recently I was telling some 2nd grade girls about Miss, Mrs, Miss and mentioned I was not married. One said “You’re not married? To who?”

“To who?” That is rich!

If someone persists on calling someone by a name of title that the person has expressly said it really bothers them, then yes, I would see that as disrespectful in most cases. On this Q it seems like most jellies don’t get to that point where they are bothered though.

@Forever_Free Aw, I probably would have corrected the guy again if it seemed he genuinely was just getting the name wrong and not a different name in fun or a nickname. I think most people want to get it right. Although, a few people in the past incorrectly call me Stephanie. It’s weird that more than one person has done it. I didn’t always correct it. All of them knew my real name though. They just would misspeak.

@LifeQuestioner I too like to get foreign names correct if I can manage the pronunciation. I’m usually pretty good at it. Some people really struggle, they have some sort of mental block with it. It’s much more attractive when foreigners are understanding and don’t get too bothered by it. I don’t mean they shouldn’t help people say it correctly, but also I know people who are fine if someone uses an American pronunciation if their name is actually spelled in English. Like my friend Iris is eer-is in her country. She’s fine with the American pronunciation living in the US. My nephew Gianluca was upset when his 2nd grade teacher couldn’t say his name correctly. I told his mom to help the teacher and write out John-luke-a. His mom still carried on annoyed the teacher wasn’t trying. I was in my head ‘ok stand on principle instead of helping her and instead of showing your kid how to help people with his name.’ My last name is difficult, I help people sound it out or break up the spelling.

@Hawaii_Jake Yes, it is interesting. After the first 8 or 9 answers I noticed who was bothered by it. You four tend to think similarly on a lot of things, so that was kind of consistent.

For me, when I was young (adolescent), I was always larger than the average girl in middle and high school. Not fat, but larger then most. A relative recently sent me a photo of myself around 12 or 13 years old, and a friend said I wasn’t fat, but I had glasses and braces until I graduated from high school, and the kids in high school used to call me such lovely names like “whale” and “Hindenberg.” In those days, there wasn’t a movememt to be kind, like there is now, in schools, so there was no punishment for the kids who called me whale. I’m sure it didn’t do miracles for my self esteem, which had far reaching effects in my life, but anyway, after being called names like whale and Hindenberg, being called Jewels or referred to by “Mrs.” instead of “Miss” was no big deal at all. Add to that, that to me, it’s not something that would upset me. I guess I pick and choose what upsets me and it’s not high on my list.

Yes, right now if someone called me whale or Hindenberg, I’d be mad. I was mad as a kid and very humiliated.

My last name is a Hispanic name and it has a bunch of vowels in the middle of it. Admittedly, it’s difficult for many and it’s been mispronounced my whole life. There are a few ways they say it and I can see the logic in their pronouncing it that way, but all those ways are incorrect. It’s been mispronounced by people I worked with a long time, and people I knew for a long time. If people pronounce it correctly, it’s a pleasant surprise because those people are few and far between. if I were to get mad at the people who mispronounced it, I’d be mad at a whole lot of people and I really don’t have the energy for that.

@jca2 Geez, that’s pretty terrible, kids can be cruel. That’s what I was talking about, names that are objectively disrespectful.

I think maybe those of us who have names that are difficult for most people we encounter, we are just used to it. If we were upset about it, we would be in a constant state of upset. Who needs that?

@snowberry Wow! That’s crazy that you were forced to put a middle mame. I believe it. Sometimes the bureaucracy insists every box is filled in. My husband doesn’t have a middle name either. He does have two last names in his country of birth. He lived in Texas in the 1980’s and I asked him if he had to use a middle name and he said on his Texas Driver’s License he didn’t have a middle name, but not sure about other records, might have used both last names. My aunt didn’t have a middle name either.

@JLeslie Just before we moved out of state, I had to go again in person to update my driver’s license, and so I went through the whole thing again with the DMV people. I told them that every time a policeman stopped me, I would explain my problem and show them my drivers license, and even they agreed with me!

Apparently the law changed. When I asked them to give me back my real name, the man said, “Oh, that’s old school. We don’t do that anymore.” Problem solved, and I am so relieved.

@snowberry I wonder if it varied county to county. My husband lived in Marble Falls near Austin.

When it’s deliberate, that bothers me very much. It’s a slap in the face. Probably even more annoying when you need a nickname to differentiate yourself from others in your family.

I like my name, I think it suits me, but I hate when it’s used in stressful circumstances. It sounds “hard” and unfriendly to me. I get anxious and feel startled. This is probably because my parents rarely used names in normal conversation, but often in conflict situations. I only noticed this when I met my husband, who uses names lovingly all the time.

My nickname is very “soft”, it was given to me by my sister (who couldn’t say my real name), and I love it. It’s associated with overwhelmingly happy memories. My husband will now often use my nickname too, but when he’s annoyed, he doesn’t want to. I think that might be because the nickname doesn’t lend itself to angry tones. It’s difficult to say it with any sort of edge. Maybe that’s why it feels so good to me.

@JLeslie I have no idea.

@longgone when my brother was really little he couldn’t say grandma or something similar and so my mom’s mom became known as Meppi. And to her dying day, which was many, many years later, all of us, even my mom, called her or referred to her as Meppi. But it was a term of endearment and she didn’t mind it all.

^Very lovely story.

@LifeQuestioner That’s lovely. And if she appreciated it, maybe that’s because she really liked the grandma role?

I’m the oldest grandchild, and I also renamed my grandma. In her case, she felt too young to be a grandmother, so nobody taught me to call her that. I decided on a variation of “Mama” when I learned to talk (because that’s what my mum called her). All the other grandchildren have exclusively called her that, as well as our partners and best friends. She’s happy that she got to be a (stellar!) grandma without ever having to accept she’s old enough to be one.