Would you personally view the body of a loved one before they are cremated?
She did not even want a viewing. My dad chose to for closure considering how him and I both saw her last.
My mind replays over and over again walking into her room, touching her leg, my dad yelling.
I cannot unsee her laying in her bed. I want to see her looking peaceful and sleeping.
But. I went through her instagram today, and I looked at her drivers license photo (no one has photos of her, she never let anyone take any). I feel a bit better. Like I was so so overwhelmed with sadness its like I forgot who she was for a moment. But seeing that, I am questioning if seeing her in person will mess me up more.
I am working on a therapist for real this time. I was going to call today but slept way too long. It is a priority but also I have been exhausted.
I AM NOT MAKING MY CHOICE BASED ON ANY ANSWERS HERE. Just asking for different thoughts. My mind kind of is not functioning.
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Yes. I did. My husband. Like you, I wanted a much better last memory. He had been tangled up in tubes and machines and with a Bipap mask on his face so he couldn’t even speak. And he didn’t open his eyes at all or squeeze my hand back.
Laid out in the funeral home, he didn’t really look like himself, but it couldn’t have been anyone else.
I also viewed my parents in their coffins, but that wasn’t quite as hard. For one thing, there were lots of family around.
You will make your choice with the best thought and feeling you have at the time. And that way, there’s nothing to reproach yourself for, no “I should have.”
My sincere condolences, young one. I’m truly glad you came here to us for support.
There was a recent Q about the topic of open casket if you want to read those answers too. It’s a little different than your Q, because it is a more general question than your specific circumstance, it still might be helpful. One thing that came through on that Q is some people because of custom or religion are very accustomed to viewing the body of the deceased and some aren’t. In my religion we do not do viewings typically, so I am not used to doing it, even though I have been to viewings of friends who are a different religion than me.
I was pushed to view my grandmother and I regret it. She was described as peaceful to me, but it was not peaceful for me at all, but I did not have the experience you did of finding her and the panic and anxiety you must have gone through.
At the same time, if it were my husband I can understand wanting to see him one last time, I don’t know what I would do in that situation. I don’t think I would want to for one of my parents, especially if their death is already very real for me.
If you have gone to viewings in the past and are comfortable with that, and if it is usually a positive experience for you, then I think it is reasonable to assume it might be helpful for you. Many people on the other Q talked about it being a positive experience for them, the answers were extremely varied.
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