Would it bother you if your spouse voted different from you?

Those kinds of people aren’t going to be on this forum….

I don’t try to control my wife like the 20s so…..why would I be bothered?

Usually, it would not bother me, but there are exceptions. Some candidates or ballot items if he voted differently than me I would be disappointed. I think we voted differently on two ballot items this time, and it doesn’t bother me at all. Since we mostly agree politically it isn’t much of an issue.

When we were dating and getting serious I asked my husband some questions so I could feel comfortable that some very important issues we felt similarly. Some of the Q’s were semi-political. I asked him if he was ok with aborting a pregnancy if the baby had something very wrong. I asked him some questions about money and most specifically savings and debt. I also asked where he stood on disciplining children and most specifically if he believed in spanking.

Different how, she votes for an orange douchebag? Divorce!

I’m a conservative Republican. My wife votes differently from me frequently. Does not bother me at all. I don’t even mind if she voted for Trump (which she claimed that she didn’t). I wouldn’t even mind if she voted for Kamala. HA!

I don’t have a spouse but I don’t think it would bother me, as long as they didn’t argue with me about my choices. I won’t push my choices on them and I don’t expect them to push theirs on me, either.

Never been married, but if I found out that someone I shared my life, my home, and maybe children with, was voting a ticket that deliberately, with intent, hurt people, then yes, it would bother me. I have ended friendships over this issue, I no longer speak to some family members because of this.

So yes, it would bother me.

If it was something I felt very strongly about, it would probably bother me. Then again, we’d simply cancel each other out.

If my wife was MAGA, I would have a hard time keeping that marriage going because it would indicate so many other fundamental differences about how we see the world and the people in it. If she voted 3rd party or something, I could understand and respect her decision.

At some point, “voting differently” transitions from a disagreement in policy preference, into having to question their morality, ethics, honour, and humanity. Them voting for another run-of-the-mill moderate that has slightly different views is one thing. But if they vote for Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Putin, the AFD, Meloni, Le Pen, Reform UK, the Orangutan, or what-have-you, then there is something very wrong with them, and you need to start questioning if they will defend you from the brown shirt thugs when they come knocking, or if they will rat you out.

My spouse voted and I did not. No issues between us for that.
My parents always voted differently. It was never a big deal to them because they’re reasonable adults. If you rearrange your relationships because of people’s voting behavior, you are not acting like an adult.

^^ Was writing a brilliant response but I hit the wrong key and deleted most of it so you can all imagine what I was going to write and give me multiple GAs. Let’s just say it was along the lines of what canid and loli wrote.

Oh, @Blackwater_Park, ” If you rearrange your relationships because of people’s voting behavior, you are not acting like an adult.” what absolute bullshit. If you found out that your SO was voting for polices and practices that you were deeply, morally opposed to it wouldn’t be a “big deal” to you? How sad that you could so easily compromise your beliefs for what? Convenience?

I’m interpreting “spouse voted different from you” as “spouse has different values”. I wouldn’t associate with, be friends with, form a romantic relationship, marry, or procreate with someone who didn’t share a core set of beliefs and values.

But in the context of US electoral politics, I can’t imagine how anyone could marry someone and then discover that they vote Republican. Wouldn’t you have seen red flags? Do ethics and values play no role in conversation? Do you even converse?

I’ve heard of such situations, and it is beyond puzzling to me.

Note: I’m not talking about strategic voting in swing states where one person holds their nose and votes for a Democrat while aggressively putting pressure on the candidate to change their positions. I’m specifically talking about finding out your spouse is a either a dullard or evil. Or both.

To answer the question: I would immediately divorce my spouse if they voted Republican.

@Blackwater_Park When your parents were voting, one side didn’t attempt a coup d’etat.

Imagine you are a pious lutheran, planning to adopt some kids, and your spouse is a catholic hardcore devil worshipper that is thinking of sacrificing children to the dark lord.

I was in the car before and listening to Public Radio and there was a story about a guy who lives in NYC and he’s a Republican, and his job is some type of reporter for a Conservative media outlet. He’s 27 and dating, and he said it’s typical that when he meets someone and they find out his political leanings, they no longer want to continue the date. He said he had 40 or 50 dates where this happened. At the end of the piece, they said that he recently has been going out for five months with a “lefty” (that’s the term the radio show used), they get along and care for each other, they had some good conversations about voting, and he said he may vote 3rd party.

If you rearrange your relationships because of people’s voting behavior, you are not acting like an adult.

They wouldn’t be my spouse if their values were that different than mine. That’s more mature than blindly ignoring politics.

@Hawaii_Jake No, they both were upfront about the whys and left things up for us kids to decide on our own. They were exceptional parents. (who are still happy, healthy and together to this day) I am quite sure one voted for Harris and one for Trump.

@canidmajor “what absolute bullshit” It’s not though. I’m saddened to hear this from you. You would sacrifice relationships with others just because they may disagree with you on a few things. THIS is what is wrong with politics in this country. People want to make those who disagree with them “enemies.” It’s wrong and is childish.

The idea that just because someone votes differently from you means their values are completely different is usually not the case. It’s generally just one or two issues that cause most people to vote one way or the other. It’s not because they are evil or ignorant. Notice half the population votes one way and the other half the other way. Y’all act like half the people out there are enemies. Let that sink in for a moment.

Again I say “bullshit” @Blackwater_Park. I didn’t speak of “disagreement”, I spoke of moral rift so deep it cannot be tolerated. It works for you to ignore fundamental differences that may be abhorrent to others, it doesn’t work for me. When a family member used the “n” word referring to someone I know, I couldn’t ignore it. When my friend’s husband thought Brock Turner was being unfairly persecuted and the whole thing was overblown, I disinvited him from a holiday dinne4 at my house.

But you can be as self-righteous as you want about supporting grotesque attitudes and behavior as you want, it will keep you safe.

”If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”
Desmond Tutu

What a nice thing it must be to be a cis het white man in America. <eyeroll>

@Blackwater_Park I knew a man who was murdered leaving a gay bar. I know a man who has a steel rod and screws in his neck and shoulder because of gay bashing.

There are Republicans who literally want to kill me. I see it in writing frequently.

Now I will reveal something I utterly despise having to say out loud. My parents disowned me because I’m gay.

F*ck Republicans. F*ck people who are safe and don’t give a shit about those of us who aren’t.

@Hawaii_Jake @canidmajor Half the population does not have a moral rift with you or want to kill you. Stop acting like the hateful, extreme outliers are the norm. I’m a registered Republican (but I don’t always vote that way) I don’t hate either of you, quite the contrary. We have a couple of others here too that y’all have not run off yet. You can call it self-righteous or whatever but the truth is, your attitudes really suck.

As @ragingloli explained well, there’s a point where it’s not just “voting differently”. There are minor political differences, and then there are votes that tend to indicate things that are significant or even terminal to a relationship. It’s not the voting, but if they understand and are choosing something intolerable, that should be a problem.

I almost voted third party because I’m disgusted with what Israel is doing (and because of several things specific to Harris). My husband seemed a bit bothered by that, but only because we both think a republican victory in this specific presidential election is extremely dangerous for our country. But I often consider Independent, Green party and other alternatives, as they are a better match for my values than Rep or Dem.

If my husband was a Trump supporter, I don’t know how our marriage would survive. It’s just not compatible with my beliefs. Most any other election, a republican-voting or democrat-voting spouse would not bother me.

I would also not like a partner who always votes along party lines. Both of us are registered no-party and value independent investigation of truth. “Party-over-everything” values are not aligned with my beliefs.

Didn’t ask.

I agree with @hat ‘s distinction between core values and voting. I don’t care that much about electoral politics and how people vote. But I am also a very opinionated, outspoken person who thinks and speaks about politics a lot (shocker, I know). A relationship with someone who was diametrically opposed to my personal politics would probably be difficult (and probably wouldn’t arise successfully in the first place). Am I going to be in a relationship with a self-hating gay guy who thinks most LGBT people are pedophiles? Well no, I’m not. Just as I don’t think any Christian would enjoy being in a relationship with an atheist who had nothing but contempt for Christianity. But these are deep values and aspects of one’s personhood, not the name of a politician you cast a vote for.

I’m also not really a fan of judging other people for the lines they draw. For example, my parents don’t share religious beliefs. My mom is Catholic, my dad is not religious. They’ve been happily married for 40 years. My dad respects my mom’s beliefs, and my mom doesn’t pester him about going to church. I’m not saying that’s the only correct approach; I’m just saying that is what works for them. For another couple, this might not work. Going to church together might be a requirement, or one person might oppose raising the kids in the church. It’s not for me to say what should or shouldn’t work between two people, or what they can compromise on or what they can’t.

Do ethics and values play no role in conversation? Do you even converse?

I do think some people’s relationships don’t extend beyond a certain depth. And that may work for them. It wouldn’t work for me.

I didn’t think about this earlier, my dad was a Republican for about 40 years, and my mom always a Democrat. They used to cross parties for some elections and wind up voting the same, but obviously they sometimes voted differently. Growing up, I didn’t even know how they were registered, because they usually talked specific issues when they talked about politics.

My dad was mostly a fiscal Republican, but the reason he initially became a Republican was his university was allowing some speaker or horrible hate speech, something along those lines. This was in the early 1960’s. I was surprised when I found out my dad was a registered Republican, I might have been 17 years old?

In the Bush II years he converted and changed his registration to Democrat. Pretty sure he votes straight ticket now, he does not want to give the Republican party an ounce of reinforcement while they are in their extremist mode. They live in Maryland, and I never asked if they voted for Hogan, who is rational, and a governor is different than putting someone in Congress or for President.

My mom, she gets fed up with some of the “left” policy viewpoint, especially on immigration and education funding, and so my parents wind up disagreeing on these topics. My dad is actually much more liberal than her on both topics ironically, and I’m pretty sure always has been.

@JLeslie

“They used to cross parties for some elections and wind up voting the same….”

Do you remember any of the elections where they voted the same?