Do you think high school prom is a good tradition?

While I won’t pretend I care deeply enough about it to defend it as some noble tradition, I see nothing wrong with it and I think it’s something fun for high school students to do to before a major transitional period in their lives.

Yes, I went to prom, but I was closeted and not yet confident or brave enough to have taken a boy, much as I wished I could have afterward. But I enjoyed going, it was a memorable night (I wore a white tux and my friends and I all rode in a limo after attending a party at a friend’s house. For my older sister’s prom the previous year, the big party was at our house).

I do not remember feeling pressure to have a date, though I did end up going with a girl, and my anxiety was over whether I should’ve used prom as an opportunity to come out (which I obviously didn’t). I look back on that time fondly, though (this thread caused me to dredge up all the old photos from that spring of 2009), and I remember during the pandemic feeling bad for the students who graduated in 2020 and missed out on all those senior year events and milestones. One becomes an adult faster than they think—nothing wrong with a having a few things to look forward to before that happens.

I went to HS in New Orleans, where dressing up for dances and parties (and having a date) was just how things were done. My girlfriend and I had two proms, her school’s and mine. She had two dresses, and I had a green tie and cummerbund for mine and a silver tie and cummerbund for hers (after she complained about me choosing plain ol’ black originally for hers).

We had a limo and friends for mine. I think I drove us to hers. Mine might have been in a ballroom at the Superdome or some other non-school location. We had a fancy dinner for 10 at a friend’s house and took pictures. We surely had some booze in the limo or somewhere.

Other than it being more expensive and more formal than other occasions, I don’t remember it being any more magical or pivotal than all the other dances. In fact, I think homecoming carried more weight in that respect, but only because it was the fall and in the early half of senior year.

My girlfriend was super beautiful and her mom was quite doting and indulgent, and paid for her dresses, etc, despite them not having a ton of money. Later in life, my girlfriend passed at 33 or so, so for them it was something that was enjoyed while it could be enjoyed.

My sister’s experience in a non-fancy city was different. No limo, and I think she wore Converse All Stars. They might have had a “morp,” an anti-prom. I’m guessing she also had fun.

It’s hard to imagine it being the source of anxiety or an unreachable aspiration, although I am sure there are those that have that kind of experience. I think kids just sort it out for themselves based on what’s available to them and what they can manage.

My favorite one-liner is “. . . just like prom night” because it hilariously invokes the trope of nervous expectations and coming of age even though most of us probably never had that experience at prom. That’s the best reason to keep this thing going.

It was good for me. I got dumped last minute junior year but I had two female friends who did not have dates and we all went together. The look on my first date’s face when I walked in with two new dates…priceless.
Senior year I took a young lady who beat anorexia and came back from the brink of death. we attended prom with her fully recovered and at a healthy weight. She was a sweetheart, wish I had kept up with her.

Here’s @JLeslie‘s q from 10 years ago for those that want to reminisce:

https://www.fluther.com/172097/what-was-your-prom-like-or-your-childs-prom-is-prom/

My prom was in 1971. The hippies in my school (of which I was one) thought that Prom was a dumb idea and not in keeping with the changing societal values of the late 60s and early 70s. So about 40 of us simply skipped prom. We held our own at a restaurant, which we called MORP.

My high school had roughly 1100 people in the Senior class, so we weren’t really missed.

Even now, 50 years later, I am happy that we skipped it. It was a ‘fake adulthood’ rite of passage and none of us missed it.

Keep in mind that all of us males were worried about being drafted (this was 1972) and being sent to Viet Nam, so dressing up for a prom was trivially stupid.

I didn’t go to mine. I didn’t have the money to go, I wasn’t getting along well with my parents so I wasn’t going to ask them for the money to go and the guy I was dating was older so I wasn’t into bringing him around my school friends.

I don’t know if my daughter will go. She’s a senior now.

One of the kids in a neighboring school district graduated last summer, and I asked the mom what they were doing after prom, and she said she has a big barn or guest house or something like that on their property, and the girl was having a big sleepover with her girlfriends, with food and just hanging out. That, to me, sounds like so much fun. My sister, at her prom which was about 20 years ago, went on a party bus to the Hamptons for a weekend of hanging out. That sounds like fun, too, if you can afford it.

Only if you attend with your hot mum.

I went to a private girls school, so we had dances (with the “brother” school next door) but didn’t call them “proms”.
My daughter went to three at her high school, enjoyed them, not a big deal.

I think the tropes and hype and stuff is way overblown, most of the kids I have known have enjoyed the dances or simply didn’t care that much, but are vastly amused by all the drama that is ascribed (mostly without much merit) to idea of Prom As A Big Deal.

As a tradition? Sure, why not.

@jca2 I didn’t remember asking that Q! Thanks for finding it.

Overall, I think proms are good ideas and fun for the students. The only negative is those who are left out due to financial concerns or because they’re a budding mass murderer who has no one to go with.~

Having gone to 6 high schools, I’m not sure when I would have been able to fit in a prom so I haven’t been to one. The only school dance I remember was in 6th grade.

I was dating a guy a year ahead of me, so I went to his senior prom when I was a junior. I had never even thought about prom and barely knew what it was until he brought it up. I wonder if my parents went to prom? I doubt my mom did since she finished school after 11th grade, but I might be wrong. We had prom king and queen, I was completely clueless about it, and didn’t even know it was a thing that someone might hope to be.

We didn’t get a limo, that seemed crazy extravagant to me, but I guess if a few families go in on it, it isn’t very expensive and the parents don’t have to worry about their teenagers driving drunk. Keep in mind most people are 18 at prom and you cannot legally drink until 21 in the US.

It was tradition for the boy, should I say young man, to give his date a corsage to wear, and for the man to wear a boutonniere. I didn’t want the corsage, but I went along with the tradition. Just seems like a racket similar to Hallmark Holidays.

I guess it gives young men and women some practice at attending formal parties. Some kids might have very little exposure. Also, nice to have a party if you live in a place where there is very little opportunity for young people to go out to dine and dance.

I hate the pressure to spend money though. People might get left out or feel inadequate. I hope younger generations feel ok going just as a group of friends and not needing a date. I would GUESS that part of the original reason for proms was to get people paired up and soon to marry.

So, I went to my boyfriend’s prom, and then he went to mine when I was a senior. They were boring for me, and I felt not much of a part of it. I wasn’t really a “high school” girl, and I stopped attending school mid senior year, so I had not even been in school for a few months by the time prom came around. Most of my friends drank a lot, and I didn’t, and so I had become distant from going out with them. Looking back, I think prom was probably some of the least fun I have had a party. I barely remember the proms. It was at a nice venue in Maryland near DC somewhere, I don’t even remember. My high school was about 30 minutes from the DC line.

I remember hearing that in some Southern states there are separate proms for Black kids and white kids. I can’t even believe that was happening any time in the last 50 years, but the report was not very long ago.

When I was in HS, the friends I had that attended prom went to a hotel all night (two couples in one room) and it was a big sex-capade. I hear that doing that is traditional for a lot of people, or having sex in the limo. I’m guessing that the person that I know who said her daughter and friends came over and had a sleepover in the barn or other out-building was relieved that they were “home” and not out and about, drinking and doing what else.

In my daughter’s high school and other high schools in the area, they have very strict rules about attending and not drinking, and other safety measures to try to curtail any crazy-ness that may occur. I guess they don’t want the liability and/or the reputation of the prom being a risk, a danger, a sex fest or any such thing.

@JLeslie The black and white prom was reported in the NY Times magazine a few years ago. The kids involved said they prefer it, and the black kids of course can attend the other prom but they liked having their own prom, too.

Hated all of that, skipped prom as did most of my friends. Personally I think its outdated and a purely materialistic, egoce ritual for cis trads.

@jca2 There was an expectation of sex on prom night where I lived. I was already regularly having sex with my boyfriend so that was no big deal for me. I don’t remember if I had sex or not that night. I have no idea if people had sex parties, but maybe so. Some kids did stay in hotels together, I don’t remember if I stayed in a hotel, or at his house, or came home, or what happened on which night. I barely remember it, because it was not that big of a deal. I do remember when I was a junior we went with another couple, had a really nice dinner, and then I barely remember being at the dance. I vaguely remember my senior prom waking up uncomfortable and coming back home in my dress, but I don’t remember the time of day or night. I wasn’t drunk, I didn’t drink at all, but just don’t remember clearly.

Proms looked like a bad idea to me, starting in 6th grade. So I’ve not been to one, ever. I am happy with my decision, except for the one I think Cassandra was trying to invite me to.

So that was the closest I ever got to a prom, and it wasn’t a good experience. That is, there was an older HS student who I had a good eye to eye relationship with, who started trying to get my attention, I think to ask me to a prom, and it caused a flight reaction in me at the time. I pretended not to hear her. I still regret it, but a lot of the fear was about the prom part, not so much her. If I’d thought she just wanted to talk, I don’t think I would have been so afraid. But I’ll probably never know.

I think prom has FAR FAR too much weird expectational baggage loaded on it. And, it’d be better if the schools taught kids to dance at an early age, and worked on making it normal and setting more relaxed expectations about it.

But, it sounds like the US school system is a disaster zone these days, so that’s probably not a realistic near-term goal. We first have to eject the candidate who wants to abolish the Department of Education.

@Zaku Why did you mention the 6th grade?

I thought you were in the US, where are you?

@JLeslie Because proms started in 6th Grade at my school, and I know of no big difference between MS vs HS proms.

In our middle school and high school, there are dances but they’re not actually proms and the clothes are not fancy prom clothes. The girls may wear dresses if they choose, but they’re not gowns like at the prom, the boys won’t wear tuxes, they won’t go in a limo like at the prom and it’s not called a prom, it’s just called a dance.

@Zaku My answer would be like @jca2 I didn’t have prom before high school, just dances. Some parts of the US might have a prom in younger grades though.

I dressed up for prom (Mom made my dress) but didn’t go. Ended up at some dudes house wherever I drank brandy for the first time.