(I’ll stick to the dog question here, but I’m so, so, so sorry.)
First, I agree that you don’t really need to worry about your pets and that you need to be putting yourself first. Try not to force yourself to appear happy for them (or anyone). They’re part of the family, they’re sad when you’re sad, and that’s okay. You all need time.
However, I know that unhappy dogs make me sadder too. Here’s a list of some easy things that might help your dogs:
- letting them use their mouths. Put a bit of peanut butter (careful, xylitol is deadly to dogs) into a Kong or similar chew toy. Canned food or yoghurt works well, too. Or buy them strips of something like beef head skin.
- short bursts of wild play, like tugging or using a flirt pole. Most dogs (and cats) like new toys. I have started looking for baby toys at thrift stores (because they are made to be safe and wouldn’t usually come with detachable eyes or other small parts). Sometimes, I find a whole bag of them for very little money, and then I dole them out one by one for weeks. If your dogs like to destroy stuffed animals (which is also therapeutic), this is a good way of making that possible. Of course, watch them to make sure they don’t eat any pieces.
- nose work, which can be as simple as scattering their kibble in the backyard or into a paper box filled with shredded paper
- some dogs and cats react well to pheromones; Adaptil and Feliway are the common brands. Studies show mixed results. It’s certainly not harmful to give it a try, but you might find it does nothing at all for your pets. There’s different types, and the spray tends to be the cheapest version.
- snuggling (so by doing that, they are comforting themselves already)
- music. There’s scientifically tested music called “Through A Dog’s Ear”, and it’s made to relax dogs. Shelters play it to calm their animals (there’s a cats’ version too). It’s on Spotify and some of it can be found on Youtube. I think humans tend to find it pretty depressing, though the reggae version is a bit more upbeat. My dogs also clearly like music in general, especially instrumental and “clear” styles like April Yang’s kalimba music.