Is there a way to help my dogs calm down during this stressful time?

Your animals are keying on you. As you are so they shall be.

Relax. Everything is going to be OK.

^^It’s hard to say that everything is going to be ok when a parent has just died!

I would say just follow their lead as it were. If they’re looking to cuddle more, let them. If they need less exercise, be ok with that but try to follow their usual schedule of feeding and grooming. They are picking up the changes in the house and grieving and it will take time for them to adjust. Be gentle with them and also allow them to comfort you.

Both you and your dog should go for a long walk.

Sounds like they are trying to comfort you.

They sense the change and miss your mom’s presence and see and feel your sadness.

They’ll be ok. Goes without saying make sure they are fed and walk them when needed.

Take care of yourself.

@janbb I didn’t know that SergeantQueen’s parent died. Good health and peace to you.

My Father died when I was 4. It’s a long sad story that followed and it nearly destroyed my life.

@gondwanalon Thanks for explaining that.

(I’ll stick to the dog question here, but I’m so, so, so sorry.)

First, I agree that you don’t really need to worry about your pets and that you need to be putting yourself first. Try not to force yourself to appear happy for them (or anyone). They’re part of the family, they’re sad when you’re sad, and that’s okay. You all need time.

However, I know that unhappy dogs make me sadder too. Here’s a list of some easy things that might help your dogs:

- letting them use their mouths. Put a bit of peanut butter (careful, xylitol is deadly to dogs) into a Kong or similar chew toy. Canned food or yoghurt works well, too. Or buy them strips of something like beef head skin.

- short bursts of wild play, like tugging or using a flirt pole. Most dogs (and cats) like new toys. I have started looking for baby toys at thrift stores (because they are made to be safe and wouldn’t usually come with detachable eyes or other small parts). Sometimes, I find a whole bag of them for very little money, and then I dole them out one by one for weeks. If your dogs like to destroy stuffed animals (which is also therapeutic), this is a good way of making that possible. Of course, watch them to make sure they don’t eat any pieces.

- nose work, which can be as simple as scattering their kibble in the backyard or into a paper box filled with shredded paper

- some dogs and cats react well to pheromones; Adaptil and Feliway are the common brands. Studies show mixed results. It’s certainly not harmful to give it a try, but you might find it does nothing at all for your pets. There’s different types, and the spray tends to be the cheapest version.

- snuggling (so by doing that, they are comforting themselves already)

- music. There’s scientifically tested music called “Through A Dog’s Ear”, and it’s made to relax dogs. Shelters play it to calm their animals (there’s a cats’ version too). It’s on Spotify and some of it can be found on Youtube. I think humans tend to find it pretty depressing, though the reggae version is a bit more upbeat. My dogs also clearly like music in general, especially instrumental and “clear” styles like April Yang’s kalimba music.

What stress and grieving are you speaking of?

@SnipSnip Her mom passed away suddenly. Her mom was only 56.

Sorry to hear of your mom’s passing. Dogs grieve too and sense your sadness on top of that, so it makes them feel insecure.
When my husband suddenly went to the hospital my dog was avoiding us and I could tell she felt insecure. So I walked her and kept her feeding schedule and night time routine till he came home. I tried not to pace or show her that I felt stressed. It helped that my daughter came to help me out.
She’s one of her favorite people so it’s like a treat for her to have her around. She also has a heart condition so I had to make it seem like everything was great.

Who took care of your dog more? You or your mom? Feedings and routines around them can be disturbing to a dog as well. So stay on routine. If your mom always attended to her needs, then it will take a minute to feel you can be relied upon.
Is there anyone who can come over that they like, to stay with you a few days? Animals are always ready for company they like and it would be a nice distraction for both of you.
I know having my daughter stay with me made me feel less stressed and I’m sure that help out my dog as well. Following a death there is so much to handle and that can make things even worse.
Take time to have breaks. Rest, eat something sinful, binge on something dumb on tv and cuddle with your pets. Have a movie night with your pets. Bit by bit things will get normal. Or I should say feel more normal. I lost my dad at 18 and all I can say, you will never not miss them, you just learn to move forward until you feel normal again.

I believe you have it backward. They are uneasy because their normal routine and social interactions are off. They recognize you are sad and are trying to cheer you up. It’s what dogs do. That is why the extra cuddling and such. They are looking for a return to what they see as normal in their world. They will likely have a couple days of wondering where your mom is and why she isn’t around, but that will pass without any real effort from you. The best thing you can do at this point for your dogs is to try getting back into a routine they recognize. That might be good advice for you as well.

After reading many answers above…

I am no dog expert, but I just don’t understand any pressure being put on the OP to keep the dogs in their routine. The whole house is upside down now and full of sadness. It is probably hard enough for her to have the energy to shower and dress herself.

Dogs are incredibly resilient. Sure, make sure they are fed and taken outside, but the idea that she has to be punctual seems like too much to me.

It does sound like caring and nurturing the dogs might be beneficial for the dogs and the OP, since she is asking about their well being, but my sentiment above is basically still the same, the OP should give herself time and grace and not feel like she is doing something wrong if she feeds the dogs an hour late.

@JLeslie The OP was asking what could be done to make life better for the dogs. That is why people are focusing on the routines of the dogs. Dogs like routines. When things change they tend to get a bit antsy and their behaviors change.

^^Ok, I guess I’m still more focused on the OP even with her question. Her, her dad, her grandma…

I’m not trying to criticize the jellies stressing routine, but more I am speaking to the OP to not feel badly that the dogs are behaving in a melancholy manner.

@JLeslie I get it. You are like many that feel empathy and worry when you see someone hurting. I get it.