Is there any hope that I can somehow get out of this situation? (Really long details inside)

I think this friend group has meant a lot to you over the years and even helped get you through the turmoils of college.
You would regret messing up all these friendships. It’s one day out of your life and it’s about the bride, not you. Go. You might actually have a good time.

@chyna I didn’t even say I wouldn’t attend. I’m just doing through a video call. I took up that idea because the one who suggested it did it once without any problem. I’m just shocked that Mary didn’t accept it and thinks I’m a horrible person for doing that.

I don’t often disagree with @chyna, but I do on this. You have some discomfort with this whole scenario, not just on one front. Yes, a wedding is a wonderful celebration, but the point of the wedding is to start the marriage, which is really the big deal.

If you will be so stressed about the work situation (and, frankly, not feeing good about the fiancé), a one day party isn’t worth it. Jane will not be as worried about it as the others seem to be, she’ll be kinda busy. If your other friends are being as difficult as described here, they are not considering your well-being here, which is important.

Take Linda up on her offer, and when you can, be effusive in your congratulations to Jane, and sincerely express your remorse for not attending.

This a a very difficult situation for you, I am sorry you have to go through this.

It’s a difficult decision and if it were me, I would take the day off work and just go. I would express my happiness for my friend and I would try to have a good time.

In the end, though, you have to do what you feel you want to do, and if you really don’t want to go, then don’t go.

I basically agree with @canidmajor.

Will your boss let you take the day off?

If not, and you attend anyway, would you lose your job?

If it were me, I’d skip the wedding.
Even if you don’t go, they’ll still be married, and the quality of their marriage shouldn’t depend on who attends.
However, if you go, you could lose your job, which would have a major impact on the quality of your life.

About 50 people were at my first marriage, and it lasted for less than 5 years.
We eloped for my second one, and we’ve been married for almost 23 years.
Furthermore. we sure didn’t expect anyone to majorly disrupt their lives just to hear me say, “I do”.

If they expect you to sacrifice your means of support and get them a gift, then who needs friends like that.

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Its a long shot, but can you ask for the wedding to be booked on another day? If it is so important that you attend?

You are a nice person, so I think you should try to go and calm the whole thing down. Otherwise all you may have left is a job that keeps you stressed out.
I personally would do the video, stay at work and take the risk but I don’t enjoy emotional manipulation and would be offended they cant try to see from my point of view.
I wish you luck and hope you’re able to keep your friendships since they mean a lot to you.

Any pressures to do stuff before the wedding I would probably say no to, you seem simply too busy.

I might have read too fast, have you asked your boss if you can have time off for the wedding? You know your work and boss best, but I can tell you when I was younger I worked myself to death and was afraid to ask for a day off or to leave early and what I learned was I would have been given the day off, or a chance to leave early for something important like a wedding. My first reaction is it can’t hurt to ask. Can you trade a work day with someone else? Having said that, there were certain days of the year I would never have been given the day off.

If my best friend planned her wedding the day that is simply impossible for me to leave work without checking with me first, then she would have to understand she left me out, not the other way around. I wouldn’t be angry at her, but she also should not be angry with me. However, people do sometimes get angry about these things and it sucks.

A long time ago I vowed to never get upset or hold a grudge over wedding decisions.

@JLeslie After I answered this question this morning, I was thinking about my last boss when I worked in local government, before I retired. I worked directly for her, and she was elected to her position, and she had no husband and no kids and was basically a workaholic. She was one who was at work the night before Thanksgiving (and when she would drive to her family’s in another state on the holiday, she would be up at 4 and leaving the house at 6 in the morning), she would work at 4 in the morning or at midnight, and so I was always stressed out if I wanted to leave early for some reason, or if my daughter had a school event that I wanted to be there for. It was a job where my boss could have had the luxury of making her own hours and not stressing so much, but she did, and as someone who worked for her, we all looked bad if we weren’t striving like she was. In the end, it didn’t matter and I wish now that i spent more time with my daughter when she was little and less time worrying and stressing about taking time off. It wasn’t that I had so much work to do, because I didn’t, but it was that my boss wanted to make us all look good by being at work as much as possible.

That’s why I suggested @Mimishu1995 take the day off, because in the end, work is work and as they say, work is always going to be there.

If a friend that is dear to me and I to him could lose his job from attending my wedding I would get frustrated even mad at him but that emotion would pass rather quickly. I would in the end understand if he did not attend.

If I felt that it might be something else, like for example he doesn’t like and approve of who I’m marrying, that would worry me. I will certainly prefer that my wife and a dear friend would get along liking each other as both of these relationships do matter so much to me.

If you decide in the end not to attend, I hope your friend after some time would get over her disappointment.

Hi everyone. So Julie finally stepped up to have a conversation with Mary because things had got too heated. Mary said that she was doing what she did out of fear. She used to be dumped by a friend for not attending a wedding so she was afraid the same thing would happen to me. Julie explained to Mary that a friend who dumped her for a wedding isn’t a real friend. In the end they both let me decide what to do with myself. I said I would do the video call. The situation has calmed down now.

My support group knew about this. A lot of people there are telling me something is very wrong with Mary and Jane and I need to be careful around them. They don’t agree with the way I was threatened even when I technically still attend the wedding. I’m kind of scared of that outburst too. This situation is a mess and I’m still recovering from it.

Tensions and tempers often get a little strange around weddings. I hope its just a brief problem and your lifelong friendships are strong enough to weather this storm. I’m proud of you for making your decision and of your friends accepting that. Good job Mimi!