How do I stop being so blunt and coming off as a mean person?

Text can be misconstrued a lot have you actually tried talking to him?

Nope, but it was just something that prompted me to ask this question. I suppose that was a detail I could have left out.

Text is different. I still try to type like how I speak, though.

I don’t think this is something anyone can comment on because a lot of contexts are missing. What is the situation when it happens? What kind of people make the comment? Random people or someone related to you in some way? It could be you, or it could be the person. I don’t have enough information to conclude here.

I agree with @Mimishu1995 that some context would help, and some details.

If you are being told you’re mean, you should think about what the circumstances were and what, specifically, you said, and if there was any way that what you said could have been toned down a bit.

In one description of the way you say things, you say it’s straightforward and it comes off as rude. When you look at the way you say things, is it rude?

Alright yeah, bad question. Guess I did not realize how context heavy it was.

You can add more positive emojies like the : ) .

I’ve never noticed you to be too blunt and rude. It might be the receiver of the message that is the problem. That person might be very insecure and is always looking for the insult someone is giving him.

I spent a good portion of my life trying to please those around me. It isn’t a good strategy since you cannot please everyone. Some people will never be happy. And you spend a whole lot of time and emotional energy trying to do this and you feel like you are walking on egg shells around some people. If you say something to them, it will always be the wrong thing and if you say nothing to them, you should have said something in their minds.

But hey, I’m blunt and rude so I may not be the best person to offer an opinion.

Words are meaningful. Change some of the harsh ones.

In the workplace, it’s referred to as being diplomatic. Being diplomatic is not using the harsher way to say things, but a gentler way, and offering opinions when necessary but always in a diplomatic fashion.

Think before you write or say something and if it feels too blunt experiment with softer ways to say it. I’ve observed that you used to be a bit snippy on here years ago when you didn’t agree with people but I feel you’ve softened and matured as you’ve gotten older.

I used to be told I was rude quite frequently. But really the folks who were telling me that were abusive, and apparently I was supposed to be polite and accept their treatment! If anything, I’m now more opinionated than ever, but I have noticed that most folks I know simply aren’t interested in the topics that I’m interested in.

I have the same issue and my advice is to read a second time before sending. Emojis and haha could be helpful but arent always considered professional.
Just re-read and consider if the tone is kind. Maybe add a Good morning! Or other greeting first.

Personally I dont take your posts negatively.

Also, always remember to thank people and be appreciative for their assistance, both verbally and in your emails.

“Thank you so much for your help. ”

“I really appreciate your help and support.”

“Your assistance with this project is so appreciated.”

“I know it’s been really busy lately but I just want to let you know how helpful you’ve been and how much I appreciate it. ”

This is what sparked this question, and where I got called mean. I was not sure if I should include that in my post, as nobody can speculate on a relationship they know nothing about. But that type of direct-ness is how I usually talk. I try to make myself clear the first time.

“I just need you to stop asking me for (leaving it out). I know it is not your intention, but you are making me feel like all you want is sex. Especially when you say that is what I have to do to show I am interested. I am not just talking to you because I am bored. I am not meeting up in the near future. I will not be sending (leaving it out). Thats all I have to say. You are the one leaving me on open hours at a time then saying I am the one that is not interested. Does not add up.”

I edited my grammer, but this is where I got called mean. He asked me multiple times for something and I kept saying no. I told him I do not mind being internet friends, but in person does not work for me right now and he keeps bringing it up. I asked him to stop as nice as I could so many times, but I was frustrated and so I sent that. I was trying to be blunt and clear on my boundaries, however I did not consider it rude by any means.

And I am very polite in real life and I say please and thank you probably way too much.

Well, that doesn’t sound like you were being blunt and mean to me. It sounds like you and he want two different things and you may have to end the texting friendship if he keeps pressuring you.

Blunt and mean? No. Adult and direct? Sure. No sense in playing games.

Keep on being “mean”! It appears that you are saving yourself from a potential abusive relationship! This person is beyond pushy and manipulative!

I’ve been in this type of situation. No bueno!

It’s normal. Many people are sheltered or came from perfect families or whatever, so the notion of being curt and frank doesn’t work for them.

Some people came from environments where they were encouraged to be sensitive etc.

But….in the real world, you have to be quick and fast.

Also, if it’s this one guy, and not a bunch of other people you know, this is him, not you. I can’t know anything other than what you’ve said here, but this is a classic narcissist move on his part. If he is really a narcissist, was he trying to groom you? Hmmm. It makes me wonder.

Well, he did lie about his age. I am 24 and he is 43. I have not talked to him much since then

But, no. I do get told sometimes that I can be a bit on the rude side, and not just by him. Yes, him constantly telling me that I am did prompt me to ask, but it is not the first time.

It is kind of like this:
The people who do not know me well, think I can come off rude.

The people who do know me, like coworkers, have said that they know me well enough to know that I am not intending to be rude.
That confuses me. How am I rude to strangers, but people I know, know that my intentions are good?

@SergeantQueen: “The people who do know me, like coworkers, have said that they know me well enough to know that I am not intending to be rude.
That confuses me. How am I rude to strangers, but people I know, know that my intentions are good?”

The people that know you are probably like “that’s just the way she is” or “that’s just her.” The people that don’t know you don’t have that knowledge to go on, so to them, it’s rude and mean.