What should the soon-to-be-divorced Mrs. Assad (Bashir's wife) say on her internet dating profile?

Nothing. Because she should avoid any possible contact with polonium or high story windows.

My hobbies are sewing up bullet wounds and staying up until curfew.

“Looking for someone to spend time with, preferably someone with money. Personality doesn’t matter. I’ve already put up with worse.”

Those are lipstick marks, not blood.

Former First Lady looking to be your First Lady.

Give me a break. Are Londoners really going to be friendly to her? Ugh. Probably there are elite circles who will welcome her in. I just can’t even wrap my head around these people.

Can she go back to England? She’s not a criminal by association?

She’ll meet some guy at a party who is 10–20 years older and corrupt and probably get married again. No need for an internet profile.

Not really into politics.