How are we supposed to react when a person mentions their ailment in some way every single time you talk to them?

At that point it is looking for sympathy in my opinion.

I am open to talking about that stuff only when absolutely relevant, and that is the only time it is really acceptable. Otherwise it just comes off as attention-seeking, and makes people uncomfy.

I’d ignore. Maybe they will stop.

They probably want compassion.

Constant compassion @jannbb?

Constant compassion for perpetual victims.

Do you think constant compassion helps or hurts the individual?

For sure hurts.

There is no “getting over” certain things, but you cannot constantly make it everyone elses problem, or bring people down. The more people fall into it, the more they will do it.

I don’t mean to sound heartless. I try to be compassionate, but I don’t want to be taken advantage of or guilted into things because of their conditions.

Oh, for fuck sake, really? Show compassion, concern if it’s warranted, and basic kindness. Can’t stand it? Then don’t be around that person, walk away, don’t be available. Yes, they probably want some sympathy, whatever ails them is causing concern, maybe is scary and frustrating.
Yes, it can be irritating, but we all are irritating to our people in all sorts of ways.

Who is saying not to show those things?

There is a limit to how much you get to bitch about your problems before people get mad. I am very patient until it becomes obvious they are trying to take advantage of me.

I took the OP to mean that one person who always bitches and complains. Not anybody who just talks about their problems a lot. There is a difference, you know that right?

Some people don’t know when to shut the fuck up. But if it is a casual mention, sure. Tell me if it concerns me or what we are doing so you can be accomodated.

@Dutchess_III: “What do they want from us?”

Some human decency, compassion, connection, empathy, like @janbb and @canidmajor said.

Christ, is it so difficult?

Your tone is exasperation. Your premise that constant compassion hurts the individual is just silly. Your idea that they shouldn’t make it your problem, that they are guilting you or taking advantage of you is way overstepping. I gave you the solution, just walk away. The level f judgement is high with you.
Just walk away.

Lol nevermind ya’ll don’t get what I am saying.

Speaking from personal experience here, not generalizations or false premises. Good Lord ya’ll. I am not some heartless bitch. But if you think I am, cool! :) online space is chill. We vibing. Have a great day <3

I don’t think there’s just one sort of behavior where a person frequently mentions their conditions, and I don’t think there’s just one way to respond to each of those behaviors. It depends on the specifics.

@MakeItSo1701 I think most of the push back here was directed at the OP, not you.

Well and y’all took to a whole new level.
Of course I have compassion and sympathy. But when their mental issues dominate almost every conversation I don’t know how to say what I’ve said 20 times.
I just wonder what else they are looking for.

^You go on and on about food intake and I wonder what’s up, but I care for you so I listen. If I didn’t care I’d ignore you or remove you from my life.

Well it’s kind of an issue in my life at the moment.
But I can’t recall asking for understanding or compassion for it.
BTW….WHAT is that you’re eating??

^^ Actually Dutch, you’ve always talked about how much or how little you are eating.

Agreed @janbb. Always about the tiny amounts and negative comments on obesity (for example a recent comment about blobs of hanging fat).

This thread has turned into a family argument between siblings.

@Dutchess_III – You appear to have very little tolerance for others’ behavior and appearance, even if it doesn’t affect you:
https://i.fluther.com/157948/do-you-get-frustrated-with-people-who-walk-in-to-a/.

I understand that people can be challenging to get along with. But I can’t see any harm in working on developing some compassion. Sometimes people express their physical/emotional ailments to others because they feel self-conscious. They may feel that they are being judged negatively (by themselves, and then others around them), and often announce disclaimers in an attempt to excuse whatever it is they feel inadequate about.

It’s possible that people often express their struggles to you because they feel that you are not accepting some part of them, and they need to let you know that there are reasons for their behavior.

Anyway, I don’t think you can go wrong with increasing your compassion for someone suffering from anxiety, depression, IBS, etc. It will help them, your relationship with that person, and honestly – it can help you feel better.

@Hawaii_Jake And people wonder why I have walked away from my FOO. ;-)

And yes, we are loving siblings who argue a lot!

“Mom always liked you better than me!” :P

^^ Nyah, nyah a nyah nyah

I will try to do better guys.
I’m sorry. I know I’m not terribly tolerent about some things, but it’s best not to say anything at all.

IT’S BEEN 3 MONTHS BUT I GAINED 4 POUNDS!! W00T!

Mom always like ME best because you’re adopted @Hawaii_Jake

I noticed when mom was navigating health issues, that she and her friends considered it a phone support group (my words) and I expressed concern for her mental health. Mostly because mom tended to depression even before the terminal breast cancer diagnosis.
Some people need that, and if it works for those people, more power to you.

I can understand that! I imagine it would be almost vital to have a support group who knows you to reach out to for comfort and reassurance. And advice.
I kinda want one myself.

@Dutchess_III She said it did help, I hope you reach out to others that may understand your situation. Big hug.

I’m toying with the idea.
AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FOOD OR CALORIES!

I just say have you talked to your doctor about that, every time.

Love ya, @Dutch. :)

Really? ♡♡♡
It’s nice to hear that @jonsblond.

It used to be that I hardly ever talked about my health issues at my job or at my church. I didn’t want to draw attention to them or look like I was seeking sympathy. But as my health does gradually worsen, I find myself having to explain to people sometimes why I am too tired to do such and such, especially if I feel like they are annoyed with me because I’m not stepping up. So sometimes it may come from a need to self advocate.

^^^ yes. I think some are wondering why I wasn’t crying.
Well guys…when have you ever seen me cry?