Is this rude of me to do (details)?

It’s really, really hard to know what to do at times like this.
But remember, other people are grieving too.
I got your back here.

Thank you. I appreciate that reminder. I get too in my head. Mixed with the fact that I know this is also avoidance so I feel guilty.

No, absolutely not rude! We all process these things differently, how you choose to do it should be the most comfortable for you. I am so sorry that this is being drawn out in a way that makes you more uncomfortable. In a case like this, you are not at all rude for looking after your own emotional health.

It’s fine not to go. You can just say firmly and politely if asked, “I’m sorry but that isn’t going to work for me.”

If you feel the need to contribute, ask for a list of names and addresses and write thank you cards on your own time at home. They certainly can’t fault you for that!

Not rude. We all deal with things differently. Take care of yourself first.

Thank you all.

I find myself asking GPT for reassurance that everything I feel is normal and that I did go through something traumatic. Sounds weird, but sometimes I get in my own head.

Thank you. Nobody is mad at me at least. I’m sure my dad will keep the cards. I can read when I am ready.

Good that it seems to work out for the family and you. You can only be true to yourself and I wish I had the courage to be myself when my dad died when I was 17. But I had to go with what was expected of me and still to this day regret it.

No, I don’ t think it’s a matter of rudeness. I just think it misses an opportunity for you all to be there for each other and support each other. But maybe that’s not how it feels to you. You have to go with your own feeling.

I dont have siblings so I cant speak on the dynamics but its polite to acknowledge others kindnesses during your tough times.
That being said my mom passes in 22 and I still cant go thru her funeral items or read her diaries. Only you know what you can handle and @snowberrys advice should work. Hugs.

I think you should do what you need to do for yourself. And I agree about the average card, whether it be one expressing condolences or a Christmas card. I get lots of cards from people at my church because we have a Christmas card exchange where people drop off cards and then people pick up theirs. It helps save on postage. But most of them are just cards where they’ve signed their name and there’s some rote message. The only ones that actually mean anything to me are the ones that have a personalized note and it would be the same for condolence cards. Somebody you actually took the time to write and maybe talk about memories they had with your loved one, etc. As somebody who has gone through this when my parents died, don’t let your siblings bully you. Everybody is different and you need to meet your needs.

If I had been the old me, competent, strong and self sufficient it would have been different.