How would you handle a disturbing question from a 5 year old boy?

Children process death way differently than adults. They understand someones dead but they don’t understand permanent or forever.

Punishing them for being curious is horrible. ESPECIALLY if it is their father that they lost at a young age. Is it insensitive, yes. Telling them that it is okay to ask questions, they just need to be careful is how you approach this.

You use this as a teaching moment. You don’t threaten a kid for being a kid. That’s his father. He is going to be curious.

When my mom died, my 4 year old niece kept talking about how my mom was dead. Even telling me that when I first walked in the door. Did it suck? Of course. But she is a child processing a difficult concept the only way she knows how- talking about it and asking questions. My mother was always over there. It is a loss for them too.

I would use my words like a proper adult to explain in terms they understand why those questions aren’t the best thing to ask.

Do not threaten a child for being a child. Good Lord.

Edit to add: Doing what you say you would might just scare the kid into not wanting to ask any question about their dad for fear of being punished. That is not right.

If I were the mother I’d say, “Yeah, probably. You want me to find a place where you can see a real skeleton?”. It’s not a big deal—it’s an honest, cool, scientifically curious question and deserves an honest answer. My daughter was 5 when my dad died, and her comment was, “Well, no more grandpas!” I went, “Nope!”

I completely agree with @MakeItSo1701

Oh, and never, ever, ever spank a kid. That’s way more horrible than answering the honest question. Anybody who paddles a kid is committing child abuse and the fact that you suggested is WAY more disturbing than the kid’s question.

Fully agree^ But did not say that for fear of causing a debate that I don’t care to have.

@MakeItSo1701 Hell, I never back away from a debate on Fluther.

Also, dedicating an hour or so where they can ask any question they want might stop awkward and disturbing questions at random moments. Giving them a judgement free space where they can talk.

@gondwanalon You WOULD? Really? What’s your relationship to this 5-year-old?

I’m slighty stunned at the multiple violence in your suggestion.

For me, it would entirely depend on who the kid is to me, what I know about them and the conversations that have already happened around the situation, who their mother is, what my relationship is to her, and what she has told me about it all.

A generic answer might start with, “I don’t know” and continue with sympathy, not reprimands, threats, or warnings.

I’d say: let’s put on these trash bag costumes; sneak into the landfill where he’s buried, and dig him up- then we’ll be able to determine the state of daddy’s decomposition! ;-)