Would this be a red flag for you?

Yes, this is a big red flag. You have just gone through a horrible time in your life and are very vulnerable. Being desperate for a relationship may mean that he is manipulative and is playing on your sympathy.
Be very careful with this man. If you can, get a background check on him.

“Desperate” = red flag.

I did look him up on ccap, and he does not have a record.

He knows about my past to an extent, did not overshare but enough to know my traumas a bit. My past is why I told him we had to slow down a bit, because I got all anxious because of the kissing (which in the moment I was fine with, it was after the fact that I got anxious.)

That sounds exactly like the man my sister teamed up with. He was honest about his past (not) and treated her like a queen. She sold her trailer and moved in with him. He was sweet to her until their first disagreement. He hit her. She moved out the same day.

Yeah. I am a little worried. He had an abusive childhood, isn’t in therapy, and he is being a little overly nice. I just don’t know how to express my concerns without him doing what I would want, like waiting. He doesn’t seem to actually want to wait.

He wants to be a therapist though.

Be careful.

Two red flags. I don’t like it for you.

How do I tell him this? I have expressed my concerns and he is adamant about me giving him a chance.

Edit: He has picked me up from my house.

@MakeItSo1701 You tell him it’s not going to work out for you to continue. Or if you want to soften it, tell him you’re dealing with too many issues in your life right now to start a relationship. If he’s nasty about it, there’s your third red flag.

When people are despite it is a major red flag. Also another red flag him being accused of rape.

Okay thank you.

I should have added he also has BPD like me as well.

I will do that. I did bring up all my concerns about what I am going through and he just says he wants to support me.

Of course he tells you he wants to support you. He is telling you what you want/need to hear.

Okay. Good to know my gut is right. I just have to tell him without worrying he will show up to my house.

Thanks guys.

So many red flags in your comments on this thread.

You need to be firm with him. He sounds persistent.

Once you tell him you don’t want to see him, you need to insist, don’t let him try to argue or reason with you about it, just be done with it. Block him if that works for you.

Two people with bi-polar disorder get together.

Could it work? Maybe, but….

Borderline personality disorder* bipolar is just BP.

Research that if you are going to comment on it please. Don’t be ignorant based on the name.

Anyways I told him this won’t work.

Being “desperate” for a relationship seems odd. To me that speaks of unhealthy views towards relationship. The rape accusation is actually less worrisome in my view. He was accused of it when he was a kid, the cops came and investigated and there were no charges there (have you checked for any criminal history?). It could have been a whacko girl he dumped that was trying to cause trouble for him.

It is cautionary at the very least. It has been 2 dates and some over-the-phone contact. Everyone can put on a mask for a while but it can be disturbing when the mask starts to fall away.

I’m probably old enough to be your dad. If my daughter called me with this I’d say “nope.”

Cut ties. Any kindness he will view as an opening.

@Caravanfan My dad did not seem concerned.

The guy read my message but left me on open.

@MakeItSo1701 My advice is to block him, so you won’t think about him, look for his messages, hope to hear from him, etc. In time, you will forget about him.

@MakeItSo1701 I did research it. BPD is what I thought, bi-polar disorder. So what does your version mean? When I searched for BP my first hit was a gas station.

BPD is borderline personality disorder, I said that above.

I have never seen BPD used for bipolar. All my textbooks and teachers use BPD for borderline. When I google BPD that is all I get also.

The rape thing does bother me, Id need details if I were to continue. Sounds like you called it off, hope its smooth.

I know some women require a background check before getting serious with someone. I say both run the check, and lay it out. The question is, how many people would agree?

The guy is one giant red flag waving in the wind.

A very bright big red flag for certain. Be careful. Ask many questions.

The fact that you’re vulnerable is a perfect set-up for someone like him. Time and again you hear about someone who was so wonderful and quickly after marriage lets his true abusive nature reveal itself. Often, the female ends up dead. I know you’re not thinking of marriage, but it proves that anyone can “be good” for a while.

I’m bipolar and BPD does usually stand for bipolar.

I told him I am not interested anymore, respectfully. I cited the fact that our love languages are different, and that I feel a bit pressured. I told him he is waiting for something that won’t happen for a while. I did not say anything about his past or the desperate comment. Just kept it basic.

He reacted kindly and I kind of regret it, but I feel I did the right thing.

I will die on the hill that BPD does not mean bipolar, as again, textbooks, my workbooks, google, and my teachers all use BPD for borderline. It is not common usage for it to be bipolar. Anyone can argue this point all day long. It does not mean bipolar. When I google “What does BPD stand for” I get borderline. Please everyone, stop arguing with me on this. BPD= borderline. At least in professional settings.

BPD means borderline personality disorder. It generally does not mean bipolar disorder.
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMra2120164

I was wrong. Apparently bipolar disorder is abbreviated as BP or BD.

I came off as more of a bitch than I needed to be, sorry.

We’re good. ;)

He texted my number after I unadded him on everything else so ya’ll weren’t wrong :) Just deleted my dating profile because I have never met a good man on apps. Lame. The one time I broke my rule of never giving my number out. It was one phone call >.<

Block block block .

@MakeItSo1701 Meeting people is hard. Doing things you enjoy in groups or activity clubs is a good way though. If you’re not ok being alone, or happy just being yourself then you’re not really in a good place for a relationship. You have to work on you first.

I am fully fine being alone- almost prefer it. I think he is doing the same shit I did before I got help. That intense fear of abandonment is no joke. I get where it is coming from. However, I am not the one to help.

Oh well.

I will meet someone naturally. Dating apps put too much pressure. I am working on getting myself out there. Slowly.

BPD is not BiPolar Disorder.
It is Border Line Disorder. Quite different. My ex was diagnosed with both along with PTSD.
BP is quite treatable.
BPD, not so much so. You really don’t want to be around someone with BPD that is not taking its affects full on serious.

^^ We know. Already went through that above.

BPD is 100% treatable Lets not go around spreading misinformation or demonizing mental health disorders, thank you. People with BPD are not a collective hivemind here, I am not your ex, your experiences with me would be different. That stereotype is harmful and is why it is so hard to get treatment.

Enough now of the BPD. Do some research before you comment on it. This was not the point of this post, thanks all.

Him and I are no longer talking. So no more discussion here is needed, especially about mental disorders you guys don’t seem to understand. Thank you.

@MakeItSo1701 I am not speaking against your work. I said not so much. I did not stereotype anything.

There is currently no FDA-approved medication specifically for treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

This leaves it all to Therapy and support.