How do you respectfully tell a therapist you no longer want to see them?

The same way you would if your doctor prescribed meds that gave you adverse reactions. Tell your therapist that you are not doing what she asked you to do because it drags you into a bad place. Let that be the discussion for awhile. That should make her understand there is more going on than she originally figured out. If she continues to push the same stuff, find another therapist. You are not bound to one, just like you are not bound to one medical doctor.

If you don’t want to debate it with her and just want to stop, don’t make any more appointments (which I’ve done a number of times) or tell her that you don’t think you two are a good fit. Be aware that if you say that, that she may ask why. Above all, don’t be afraid of hurting their feelings. If they’re qualified at all, you won’t.

I think it’s better for you psychologically to say goodby in order to close the relationship rather than running from it, but as I said above, I’ve rarely done that. In my case it’s usually because I’ve gotten attached to the person after several years and I know it’ll be painful.

How many times have you seen her? It sounds to me like you two haven’t established the kind of relationship where she should be asking things like that of you, but I’m not a therapist. I speak from a degree in psych and many relationships with them. Another option is to flat out tell her she’s pushing you before you’re ready.

I recently saw someone and didn’t get a good vibe the very first visit. I made an appt for a second one, but cancelled.

This was on my second appointment. I mentioned how I have been refusing to talk/think about my mom, and how I have her photos upside down in my drawer (now not even in my room).

These appointments are 45 minutes every 2 weeks. I am only wanting to tell her because maybe she can refer me to someone who is better suited. She is a licensed clinical social worker for drug/alcohol addiction, so not sure why I was really scheduled with her but my med doc said to keep it because usually therapists have multiple things they help with. Like lots of addicts have PTSD and my referral is for PTSD.

I need a trauma informed therapist, and she isn’t one in my opinion.

If it were me, I wouldn’t go back. I have a huge history of addiction but would not see an addictions counselor for anything. I don’t agree with their philosophies. I’m currently looking for a therapist who has special interest in PTSD and anxiety. You med doc probably(?) knows your history with substances and that’s probably why he suggested her.

A good place to look for therapists is the magazine Psychology Today, you can access them online. The “Verified by Psychology Today” seal means that a professional’s license or credential has been verified. The professional’s name, contact details, and license or accreditation are up to date and in good standing. So at least you weed out the bad ones.

I think it might be beneficial to you to go in for one more session and tell her why you want to terminate. But only you can decide if you want to do that.

You may be the patient, but you are also the customer.

Oh – and PS. They will have heard terminations before. It is part of being in the profession.

Yes, I suppose I am asking how to respectfully bring this up so it doesn’t come off as attacking or rude. Because I believe what she has suggested is harmful.

@MakeItSo1701 Just say it however you want to say it. It’s not your job to take care of her.

Same thing I did when I realized any therapist I went to did nothing to help except lighten my wallet. I just did not go back and got my shit sorted out myself. Not everyone can do that, I was fortunate. You don’t even owe them an explanation if they were not helping.

Okay

@Blackwater_Park Speaking personally, it was very helpful for me to work with a therapist for many years whom I trusted. I don’t think “one and done” applies for many people who have real issues.

@janbb I went to like five and all were equally worthless to me. I realize it works for some people, but I was not one of them. In the end, I worked it all out myself. Not ideal, but it is what it is. At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own treatment. If a therapist is not helping you, it’s time to try someone else or something else.

I would tell her why you don’t want to do it and how you are not finding it helpful, and then say if she insists on going down this road you will have to find someone else who can offer a different approach.

She may be one of those types that believe you face something head-on instead of avoiding it you will become desensitized to your mom. I think there may be some merit to it in some cases but not if it sends you spiraling down.

Might you want to go back to your PCP for a different referral? As @janbb said, you don’t have to protect this therapist. It’s about what you need. It would be different if she’d prescribed this therapeutic exercise after getting to know you well, but she doesn’t.

My chiropractor may know how my bones are supposed to align, but I know when she’s actually hurting me.

I will talk to her tomorrow. And sorry, I don’t have a PCP. My “med” doctor is the mental health NP that does checks on my medications virtually.

Just switch to someone new.

It sounds like you’ve gotten some good advice here.

I’ll just add that it sounds like your therapist is not a great match for you or you’re having some communication challenges. Either way, maybe you want to consider a different kind of therapy. Certainly find someone trauma-informed, since your current therapist is retraumatizing you (that shouldn’t be happening). Maybe try EMDR or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Some people really like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) [I do NOT, but maybe you will].

Just a thought to address the therapeutic modality IN ADDITION to finding a new therapist.

Good luck!

The mental health practioner should be able to recommend someone else. Just tell them that this one didn’t work out and tell them what you’re looking for.

If you don’t like the “care” this therapist offers, for heaven’s sake, don’t ask them for a referral!

And then find one who meets your criteria on your own.

Write down what you’re looking for and what you’re not looking for, and start calling. They should tell you up front if they work the way you need.

How about “I’m sorry, but this is my last session with you. I need to see someone with a different style of therapy.”?

The “I’m sorry” isn’t necessary. It’s just a courtesy.

Don’t get into critiquing her approach. Just stick to the fact that it isn’t working for you. The word “incompatible” might be useful.

You stop making appointments. Period, the end.

This is the last time I will be here. Thank you for your efforts. Exit.