What is the point of bridesmaids and groomsmen?

Pomp & Show!

I think you can choose whatever kind of ceremony you and your partner choose. One of the most beautiful weddings I ever went to had a pre-wedding dinner for all- not a drinking crowd,I should add. Then an outdoor afternoon wedding where the bride was escorted by her mother (her father had passed away; the male attendents were the bride and groom’s brothers. The roses and other flowers were blooming and perfuming the air and the sun reflected off the adjoining lake.

sounds pretty gail. I was sitting here thinking about it, and I just don’t get it. I mean, I’ll probably have them at my wedding just for the sake of tradition… I just hate when people get their feelings hurt because they are not asked.

@krose; It’s your day. Be kind and polite and do it the way you and your fiancee want. If some want the traditional Bachelor party bash, fine. If others don’t, fine also.

I also had children of friends get married on a beach in Hawaii at sunrise. Not too many people due to cost of flight to the islands and everyone ended up on the sand in bare feet.

Yeah, we considered getting married in Guam since that is where he is stationed. We both have huge families though and are very family oriented, so we want them all there. I know he wants a best man because he’s talked about it a lot, but I could honestly live without all that.

@krose Our wedding: Just the two of us… My dad walked me to the alter. It got too out of control w/ the potential of hurt feelings and what not. We had a small wedding. All the guests in town for a long weekend. Fri: All the women at a bridal shower/luncheon and all the guys out to lunch. Everyone to the rehearsal dinner on Fri night. Everyone to the wedding and reception on Saturday. Flight to Mexico for us on Sunday.

Small. Intimate. Perfect for us.

(and no useless bridesmaid dresses and engraved beer steins to be seen)

@krose: Guam sounds good. Can you have “your wedding” and then a big party for family and other friends.?

I didn’t think they really had a point, other than just tradition, but I went to wikipedia anyway to satisfy my curiosity. There is some pretty interesting info on the origins of bridesmaids, like this:

“The Western bridesmaid tradition is thought to have originated from Roman law, which required ten witnesses at a wedding in order to outsmart evil spirits (believed to attend marriage ceremonies) by dressing in identical clothing to the bride and groom, so that the evil spirits would not know who was getting married. Even as late as 19th century England, there was a belief that ill-wishers could administer curses and taint the wedding. In Victorian wedding photographs, for example, the bride and groom are frequently dressed in the same fashion as other members of the bridal party.”

It’s like their only purpose is to serve as a meat shield for the bride and groom against curses and ill wishes. Remind me never to accept a position as a groomsmen.

I thought about that too, because there is this BEAUTIFUL place that we picked out and everything. We talked about it a little, but I think his family is pretty excited about him getting married. They never saw it coming so I think they want to be there to witness the unexpected event. lol We still haven’t set a date, everything is still very much in the air. It’s hard to plan because he is a submarine man, so he can be underway for months at a time. (That’s another reason why I want to do something short,sweet,small and simple.)

@mrmeltedcrayon- way to go to a source. I was too lazy, and I like talking to Flutherians better. Sometimes I get more comical answers from you guys, even if they are not accurate. ;-) And yeah, that doesn’t make me feel too good about being in a wedding.

Even if you don’t have traditional bridesmaids and groomsmen (we didn’t), I think you should still make sure you have a group of dedicated people whom you can call on, guilt-free, in the few days before your wedding and the morning/day of your wedding and all throughout the wedding event to do any task big or small. My sisters and my husband’s sister were our unofficial wedding party (along with my sisters’ boyfriends) and they did everything from putting out the table cards to setting up the gift table to finding people who were needed for photos to telling the band their amps were turned up too loud – seriously, there will be a million little things that you won’t want to deal with yourself and you will need a few people whom you can call on to do them for you – and who will want to do them for you. Usually this is the bridesmaids and groomsmen. So even if you aren’t having a traditional wedding party I think you will feel more relaxed if you have an unofficial one.

You certainly don’t need a bridal party, but it is a way to honor friends and family members who have played an important role in your life. BTW – they don’t all have to wear matching outfits! However, the real point I think is to have a few people to help you. To keep bossy aunt Mary out of your hair, to lift you dress when you pee (if it is that kind of dress), to make sure you get something to eat. There is a reason we give our bridal party gifts – they help!

That said, if you don’t want to have to “draw lines” amongst your friends, I recommend sticking with a family ceremony – which is what I did. Your closest friends will help you out whether they are standing next to you or not.

Good luck and have fun!