Can women get their cake and eat it too?
Asked by
Mtl_zack (
6781
)
October 3rd, 2008
i know some women who are very feminist. however, whenever they go on a date, they expect the guy to pay, or for him to hold the door open, or to make the first move.
doesn’t this contradict everything that women are fighting for? they’re letting the man show his financial dominance by paying the bill, they’re letting themselves seem weakened by not being able to open a door, and dont feminists not believe in separate gender roles?
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11 Answers
This isn’t the 50s. I’d say less than 50% of women expect a man to pay or open up a door.
I wish they would pay but I don’t expect them to. Guys these days that are my age (20–24) are cheap and lazy.
nayeight: Just another good reason to date older men. ;-)
There’s a difference between society and human mating rituals. Chivalry isn’t a bad thing if you want to get our attention.
Don’t confuse expecting to be treated like a lady with being a feminist. I rejoice at the opportunity to open the door for a lady, cover her with my jacket if the night gets cool, filling her cup if at home, etc. On the same token, I appreciate if a lady offers to split a first date bill with me (Which I usually decline anyway, paying in full, simply telling her she can treat next time we go out again). Women usually accept with a smile. If they insist in paying the bill in full, I accept without a fuzz and simply reciprocate on the next outing. If they don’t make an attempt at all to help with the bill, that’s another story (to be answered another day).
If I asked a man out, I paid. I open doors if I am in front, and would like you to do the same. I have made the first move. I’m the handy“man”, and my husband is the cook. I still appreciate being cared for, and treated like a lady.
Feminist or not, wouldn’t you eat for free at a nice restaurant if given the opportunity? ha.
On a more serious note, I was just discussing this last night with some friends. We all agreed that women are equal in some things but are not in others. For example, women are just as smart as men, but women will never play in the NFL. I don’t see chivalry as taking away my rights or some kind of domination, it’s a guy showing me he cares. I know damn well that I can open my own door and buy my own food. For me personally, allowing my SO take care of me is actually something that makes my relationship stronger. I am very stubborn and independent, and I used to get upset when my SO was so adament about being so old fashioned. I then realized after talking with him about it that he liked doing these things for me because he loves me. He is not trying to prove his superiority or weakening me; he is loving me enough to want to take care of me. So I started letting him open my doors, even if it meant stopping before the second door. That is me letting him in and trusting him. That is not me giving up my independence.
@krose. Just curious. Why was it you that gave in, why didn’t he just accept you didn’t want/need these things, and instead find other ways to show his affection?
It wasn’t a matter of giving in. I’m sure he would have if I asked him to, but while talking to him I could see the sincerity behind his actions. I guess it was meeting him halfway. Why would I get mad or argue someone wanting to show me their affection? It really did make our relationship stronger when I saw it from his point of view, and I let him in a little more than I have let my boyfriends in the past.
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