Mental breakdown?

Being non-functional. Unable to meet your obligations.

Here is an article that supplies better information than I could ever give you.

It is quite possible to have a raging mania or severe depression and still be functional. Yet one’s thoughts could still be quite disordered.

Want a taste? I tried to get my wife to get rid of me. I was verbally attacking her, and denigrating myself, and calling her a fool for putting up with me. I told her how evil I was. She would try to counter that claim, but that was just what I was looking for. I could deny all her counters and feel even worse. I was horrible to myself, and I couldn’t stop it. I really wanted to be alone and to descend into homelessness. I had a stinky gutter all picked out.

Yet, somehow, something inside me was watching me. I knew I was doing stupid things as I did them. I knew I was pushing her away with the verbal attacks when I really wanted her to hold me. I knew she was close to her breaking point, and for whatever reason, I did not push through that.

And that’s just one example. What else? Fear of making phone calls? Inability to start anything? Obsessive attempts to connect with other people online? Sometimes an inability to get up off the couch? And the self-hatred? Unbelievable! It persists, of course, to this day. Dunno if I can beat that one. But I’m not supposed to think these things.

Why do you ask?