Is it wrong/bad that I am spending time with a girl who reminds me immensely of a girl I used to be kind of in love with?

I never understood why people felt guilty doing this. Almost all of my girlfriends and now my wife have been similar in some ways. Some more than others but there is going to be something in them that attracts you to them right? Roll with it. As long as your not dating her to replace what you feel you have lost then it is ok. They should all kind of be alike but each one should keep getting better and better.

Nah. It’s not bad… especially if there’s more “intercourse” than “relationship” between you two. Potentially you’re just venting repressed sexual frustration on this look alike in order to “get over” the other girl.

If you happen to develop true feelings for this chick, then consider that love a bonus.

It is not a problem in the short term. Where it would become a problem would be if you refused to see her for herself as an individual as things got more serious with the two of you.

Why should you abandon the attributes you find attractive just because they were attached to someone who you are no longer involved with? The problem is if you are atracted to the same positive traits or the same negative traits. If it’s just the physical traits then there shouldn’t be a problem.

If you like her, why should you stop seeing her?

@everyone: Thanks.

Why did you used to be in love with this other girl? Because of certain characteristics. Why does this girl remind you of that other girl? Because she probably shares some characteristics.

@vincentt: She didn’t want to be with me, so I still love her but I cannot have her. I love everything about her. This new girl is petite and dark skinned and short haired just like the girl I love, her giggle is the same and her borderline-obnoxious personality is the same, they both love cooking and dancing, they both dress weird…

Just be honest with this new girl. Tell her all the attributes you like about her and tell her they are similar to the girl you were crazy about. let her know that you’re not quite over it. Tell her you think she’s great but you’re a little worried that your atracted to her because of the similarities. Let her decide if she is willing to risk being the rebound girl or if she is flattered by all the things you find attractive and wants to hang around and see where it goes.

nah, i find myself doing that a lot.

Not a problem unless you find yourself wishing she was doing EVERYTHING like your gf did, and worse, encouraging her to change. That would be bad. As long as you are also accepting and appreciative of the differences, all is well.

I would tend to disagree with the suggestion that you should specifically tell the new girl about your old flame. I think it’s great to tell her all the things you like about her. I don’t see anything wrong with telling her that you have a penchant for girls with xyz attributes, but if I were your new girl and you told me that I reminded you of some other girl, I would be hurt. I would feel slighted and feel like what we had was less special than I had thought. That’s just my two cents.

@ivgr, I’ve come to the realization that this new girls personality is extremely annoying and she holds a lot of traits I hate in a person but the only reason I was spending time with her was because she held the good qualities that reminded me of my old flame. I’ve talked with her about this, in a kind way, and I’ve decided it best to cut my ties with the new girl.
Thanks everyone for your answers.

Aneedle, thanks for letting us know how it turned out.

no, you are always going to be reminded of someone you fell in love with, whether it is through activities you do or through other people.

I think that there are two ways you have to look at it before making a choice.

1) You have to ask youself, as you are, whether or not that is the case and then the 2)question you haev to ask yourself is do you like the person she is… I think that people tend to fall in love with people who remind them of their ex-love because thats your type… The other thing that just came to my mind is are you still in love with that other person because if you are then that is what can potentially get in the way of this relationship…

nothing wrong at all.

most girls i’ve been with seem to accept it. they want to find out about the previous girl and compare themselves to them. my ex still calls and critiques my current girl if she feels that my “standards have dropped”.

Yes. It’s completely wrong.

Just kidding – everyone’s said it’s fine so I thought I’d go against the grain ;)