Am I a dope?

I’d say you are fortunate to have learned what you did before you married, had 3 kids and then found out.
He should have been straight up about whatever was bothering him, but wasn’t.
He kept it in until he ended up in with a counselor.
That he simply rebuffed your offer to fix whatever it was is bad.

You need to forget about him. He sounds like he’s got psych problems… probably “Personality Disorder” where a person will latch onto you like Velcro tape & then begin their game of making YOU responsible for how they feel. In effect, you become a drug for them & you become an appendage to their mood.

ok the obvious, obvious, obvious question is “what did he say was wrong?”.

And can I just say the word “obvious” one more time? Obvious.

He may not even be telling the truth now.
This is not someone who is going to change.
This is not someone you really knew.

Please remind yourself of these things when you get down from the sadness of the break-up. You deserve better. Grieve and move on.

I’m sorry that this has happened to you, but as jgvr said, it is better to have found out before you were married.

Cut your losses and move on.

But: ow. Ow.

These are your feelings and there is nothing wrong with feeling them. It would most likely be a mistake to go running back to this fellow because of your hurt and loneliness. Let him go, give yourself some time to grieve for the lost relationship, and slowly but surely you’ll be ready to move on.

In agreement with those here, I’d say the dopey thing would be to try & win him back.

You can and should do better. You’re awesome. He’s not.

The fact that you’ve become his mood-enhancing drug means that you are not a dope, but you have become dope for him to take.

You are dope but you are not a dope.

That would be an excellent quotation to print on a T-Shirt wouldn’t it?

First of all, I think it speaks to your character and your capacity for forgiveness that you would offer to help fix the broken relationship even after he hid his feelings (which he was really wrong to do).

Being in love with him and he not wanting to give you the same opportunity to fix things must hurt quite a bit and his actions don’t speak very highly of his motivations and feelings for you. It is clearly understandable why you would feel angry, hurt, and frustrated and you’re only human so of course you are not wrong to feel like you do.

With him ending the engagement with a phone call and not even having the courtesy and respect to talk to you in person should be evidence enough that you can find someone much, much better to have in your life. Best of luck to you in your endeavors.

Stop being a drug and move on.