daloon:
“Does it matter that I told them before I allowed them to get the pet, that we would not be spending a lot of money on health care for it?”
-It might matter, but you are not talking about an agreement between adults who have a clearer perception of what this might ultimately mean”
“Anyway, jvgr, that is exactly the issue that concerns me: what are we teaching the kids if we refuse the vet care? Are we teaching them about priorities, and that humans are way more important than animals, or are we teaching them we don’t care? ”
-From what you’ve said you are definitely communicating all of these things at some level (intentionally or otherwise)
-Hence my response and I know this is of concern to you
“And how about this: my daughter, at 12, is perfectly capable of researching a vet to take the pet to. She has not been doing that. She is, after all, the guinea pig’s “mother.””
-She may be capable, and I have no doubt she signed on as the responsible party, but if she is hearing “no” what would be the point of her research, and if you are choosing to be flexible in your “no vet expense” philosophy, now would be a good time to ask her if she would like your help.
-Whatever is actually ailing the guinea pig, evidence of it’s ailment seems clear. That your daughter sees the signs which may be also manifest itself in other aspects of the animal must be distressing a bit.
-You could certainly stick to your original condition and try to explain why this is important so your daughter understands. If the animal is obviously suffering, your daughters understanding is likely to be minimal.
-I think you need to shift from principle to resolution.
When you agreed to allow her to have this pet, I’m sure you established all kinds of rules to make sure she understood that this was her responsibility (ensuring food, water, clean pen on a regular basis, etc.)
Have you been consistent in not doing any of the caretaking when she forgot?
(If so, you’ve done better than most)
If not, how would your daughter conclude that sometimes you enforce your side of the agreement and sometimes you don’t and this time is the most important time?
-There is nothing that would prevent you from (after selecting a vet), contacting the vet in advance. Tell them that you want an exam, but you do not want to invest any significant (your decision) money, and that if the only available treatment is more than your limit, that the vet needs to explain why no treatment is probably the best choice in this case (they can do that if they fully consider age of animal, nature of ailment, prognosis of treatment vs doing nothing…)
I fully understand that you made an agreement but that doesn’t mean you can’t help.