How do I deal with someone who treats me like I'm stupid?

I’m sure your employer already knows that your good. As far as the terse ones, a good kick in the jewels should do it. Good luck get a field goal!

Well, because you’re new there, he really just may be unsure of your abilities. If so, it won’t take him very long to figure out that you are indeed capable of completing the tasks he sets for you. Although, if he is anything like my boss, he won’t. But, all hope is not lost. My boss does similar things. For example, we’ll be sitting in a meeting and I’ll have an idea and no one will say “Hey, good idea!”. Not ten minutes later, he’ll say exactly the same thing, and it is now the best idea anyone has ever heard. It makes me want to scream. Or he’ll keep reiterating goals to me, like I don’t understand that the work needs to get done and there is a deadline.

What I found that works well for me is if I anticipate what he’ll say. If I go into a meeting and say that I’ll get something done by Monday, there is no way for him to tell me when it is due. It is a frustrating thing, though. It is impossible to predict what he could or could not say. In a way, it is like when you were a kid and your mom kept telling you “Don’t talk to strangers” I know mom. “Look both ways before you cross the road.” I know mom. “Be home for dinner.” I know mom. I think it makes these people feel better knowing they have told you, rather than sit and worry “Does she really understand what I am asking her to do?”

One day at the beginning of my last job, I started to try to ask my boss about some intricacies of the UPenn health care system. He cut me off and said, “Nikipedia, ‘Penn’ stands for ‘Pennsylvania.’”

I could not have been more insulted—not only did it have nothing to do with my question but, um, seriously!? I’m pretty sure I could have figured out that part…

But by the time I left that job in August, he genuinely appreciated and respected me (I think!). I think there is no shortcut to getting respect—you have to suck it up, put in the time, work your ass off, and be amazing at your job. And your boss will notice that sooner or later.

Two things come to mind. First, unless you’ve been at this job a while, and it doesn’t sound like you have, his attitude is probably more a reflection on his opinion of the group you work in rather than of you individually. That doesn’t make it right but it may help you keep a positive attitude about it while you prove yourself. He doesn’t know you or your capabilities so he’s going with the lowest common denominator. Don’t take it personally. He’s still an ass but thinking “here comes that ass that thinks I’m stupid” each time you interact probably won’t help… maybe the kick in the nuts???

Second, you can usually tell how someone works best by how they interact with you. If someone is terse, comes to you, drops off a quick string of facts or tasks, and then is off again. They probably don’t know or care about the details of whatever you’re doing. They just want it done. Take quick notes (shows you’re taking them seriously), ask any questions you might have right away, and then unless something is a show stopper, fill in the blanks yourself. I usually try to get things done a little early for these folks so I can run a “rough draft” of whatever it is by them to make sure we’re on the same page, make any needed changes, and get it done. They may not know or care what it takes to get from A to B, but you do and eventually they’ll recognize that. The upside here is that they honestly probably know they demand a lot and after a couple successes, they’ll know you’re good and treat you with respect. Again, it doesn’t excuse being an ass but at least working with them can be easier when you understand what’s expected.

On the other side of the spectrum are folks who explain everything in great detail up front, have examples, ask questions and are very involved. Generally here you’d have more interaction if it’s a long project, have more checkpoints along the way, and ask questions anytime something is unclear. They’ve shown they want to be involved and may demand better work because they are willing to work with you on it.

Just some generalizations I’ve noticed. Of course everyone is different but I do hope they help.

oh yea remember if you let work animals gnaw at you they will keep coming back to your carcus for more. No more scar tissue, you wouldn’t have been hired if they didn’t think you were qualified. I just had to add this because it pisses me off that people in general think they have to put up with the important ones bullshit. Either treat me with respect or take this job and shove it. Let the good ole boys know your kicking ass and taking names, they’ll get out of your way when you start shooting. Good luck I’m done.

Do your job consistantly well, on time every time, and he will learn how smart and capable you really are.

When you are new, it is a slow process. It is very hard if you come from a place that you knew inside and out, and where everyone knew your worth and abilities.

I thought funkdaddy’s suggestions and approach were excellent.

You need to not explain yourself, just listen, say yes, and then produce the work as well as you can. The production and the quality will make an impression—even if it is not as quickly as you like.

It is also true that in a new environment it is a good idea to stay a little bit low profile. Things that people will accept from you in six months or a year, they will find too assertive in your first few weeks—even if you are right.

Be patient.

Bring your Mensa mug to work.

If there is anyone else he treats the same way, become friends with them. It takes a LOT of stress off of a situation like this when you learn that others feel the same way and have their own stories to tell. Then you realize the fault is not with YOU. There is strength in numbers. Just don’t say anything you would NOT want to get back to the boss until the other person does first.

My boss, who is not computer literate in the least, kept asking me what I did all day and he would get mad at me whenever he would see me working. It’s crazy but it’s like he doesn’t want me to do the job I was hired to do.

That being said, I have started giving him a weekly report every Friday to open up a channel of communication between us. It’s a one page report of the current progress of any project I am working on. I am guilty of wording things to where he is strongly encouraged to ask me about some of the specific items.

At the very least, keep a log of what you do and how you spend your time. Pulling this information out later will impress even a hardened boss.

I keep a file with MY name on it. A copy of everything I write goes IN that file. That file acts like my log AND when I leave the job, I take that file WITH ME as a reference to what I did should the need arise.

prove him wrong, and yes, the mensa mug works!